


Breaking the Ice

by ashtraythief



Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - Fantasy, Angst, Arranged Marriage, Bottom Jared, Bottom Jensen, First Time, M/M, Magic, Magical Tattoos, Pining, Schmoop, Switching
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-06
Updated: 2017-07-06
Packaged: 2018-11-21 16:32:59
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 69,973
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11361288
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ashtraythief/pseuds/ashtraythief
Summary: Jared has been harboring a crush on Jensen, the prince from the far north, ever since he was fourteen, so when his parents announce that they’ve chosen Jensen as his husband, Jared couldn’t be happier. But when Jensen arrives in Scayen, Jared realizes that there’s more to him than meets the eye — and even more that Jensen doesn’t want Jared to see. But it shouldn’t take much more than Jared’s sunny charm to melt Jensen’s icy facade, right? Except it isn’t so easy dealing with cultural differences and misunderstandings; sometimes it takes a lot of food, some good friends’ advice, a little kitten, and even a bit of magic to overcome a rocky start.





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the spn_j2_bigbang on livejournal.
> 
> As always, there is an amazing group of people who helped me write this fic. My Tangy and my kittehs, thank you for brainstorming and support.  
> My wonderful beta ilikaicalie who put so much work into this fic, seriously, you rock. So hard. Your patience with my constant changes is amazing and I will be forever grateful that you put up with my uncoordinated, stubborn ass. So much love <3 Many thanks also to gluedwithgold for last minute betaing, you’re a treasure!  
> And then, of course, there’s my wonderful artist, dancing_adrift, who quadrupel-dutied as beta and brainstormer and cheerleader. I was the happiest writer when you claimed my summary because I already knew you were a nice person and a great artist, but omg, your enthusiasm for this story blew me away. You put together so much amazing art and were there for me, when this fic grew from a 22k draft into the 60+k monster it is today and you held my hand, and brainstormed and fixed so many of horrid typos. Your input into the plot and the characters helped shape the fic into what it is and I am super happy how it turned out. Also, that you saved the summary. <3<3<3  
> Her [art masterpost is here](http://dancing-adrift.dreamwidth.org/15584.html), go over there, revel in the beauty and the awesome and the cute (there’s a kitten. just saying) and leave her all the love she deserves. Seriously.  
> And last but not least, wendy, thanks so much for being a most wonderful mod, as ever, and organizing this challenge!
> 
> P.S. This was written for the prompt ice-skating on the tumblr 50 dates writing challenge. That’s all. I got prompted with ice-skating and it took me 50k to get there.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Spring was surprisingly mild this year. A soft breeze was stirring up the warm midday air around the castle but there was no hint of summer heat yet and the nights were still cool enough to warrant long sleeves. Jared and Chad were hiding from their philosophy teacher in the hayloft over the stables. They were both wearing long linen pants with short sleeved shirts, their boots toed off and scattered on the ground. Jared was lying on a hay bale, his feet propped up against the wall as he absentmindedly played with the drawstring of his shirt’s front lacing.

 

“I’m boooored,” Chad groaned from another bale of hay where he was lying spread-eagle, bare feet dangling in the air.

 

“We could take a ride,” Jared suggested, even though he had no intention of getting up. They had stayed up way too late last night, playing cards and drinking wine stolen from the castle’s cellars.

 

“We go riding every day.” Chad was the best rider in their generation, and he loved honing his skills but even he reached his limit sometime.

 

Lazily, Jared batted a fly away from his nose. “We could play cards.”

 

Chad let out a displeased grumble. “When is Felicia coming back from the convent?” he asked after a while.

 

“Two weeks, I think,” Jared said. “Learning magic takes time, apparently.”

 

Chad harrumphed, then fell quiet again.

 

From below, sounds of the horses shifting and huffing drifted up. The smell of hay was pleasantly heavy in the air and Jared would fall asleep if he wasn’t so damn hungry. Ever since he’d started growing so quickly, he was always hungry. It didn’t matter how much he ate, he didn’t put on any weight at all. His legs and arms were thin, only sinewy muscles and tendons under his suntanned skin, and when he looked at his back in the mirror he could count every vertebra in his spine. Only his broadening shoulders gave any indication that he was slowly growing into an adult.

 

His older brother Jeff had laughed at him when Jared had pointed it out. “You’re fourteen, Jay. Just because you have hair in your pants now doesn’t make you an adult.”

 

Jared had sulked, because he _was_ growing up. He was already close to six feet tall, the hair had been growing for years and he’d had his first romp in the hay with the son of the court’s silk supplier just a few months ago. He was training with adult weapons and his horse Jova was just as fiery as any warrior’s steed. So he was only fourteen, so what? Sure, the growth spurt made him more uncoordinated, but it felt like every morning he woke up in a new body and had to adjust his sense of balance.

 

A clump of hay hit him in the face. “I’m still bored, asshole,” Chad said.

 

“You should have a little more respect for your prince,” Jared said mildly and started picking the hay out of his hair.

 

Chad just snorted. “I’m bored, _Your Highness_.”

 

Jared grinned. “Better. And I’m hungry.”

 

This made Chad move. He sat up, his short blonde hair sticking up in all directions and his blue eyes comically wide. “We just ate. Like two hours ago. You ate _twenty_ chickens.”

 

“Chicken legs,” Jared corrected him.

 

“Yeah, and bread and dip and a giant pot of peach salad for dessert.”

 

“Speaking of dessert,” Jared said slowly. “The kitchen is preparing all kinds of cakes and cookies for the arrival of the Alendan ambassador.”

 

Slowly, a beatific smile spread over Chad’s face. If he hadn’t been Jared’s best friend since they could ride a horse, and if Jared didn’t know everything about Chad, including how he looked when he picked his nose, Jared might have crushed on him like half the castle residents their age this summer. Chad hadn’t grown as tall as Jared but he was a year older and — to use one of the gardener’s words — just too damn cute for his own good.

 

Chad pointed at Jared. “I like the way you think, Your Highness.”

 

He slipped into his boots and Jared followed suit.

 

Jared stood up and brushed hay off his pants and shirt. “After you, Your Lordship.”

 

Chad bowed exaggeratedly and then climbed down the ladder. Jared followed right behind and together they made their way up to the castle. Cor Calidor had been the Padalecki family’s ancestral seat since the first lord of Padalecki had defeated his rival and carved out this territory for his family. Since the family’s rise to the throne of Scayen two-hundred years ago, constant remodeling and additional construction had turned a simple manor house into a large royal castle built of light brown stones, with high towers and sprawling courtyards.

 

Stealthily, Jared and Chad raided a giant plate of honey cakes and a bag of coconut cookies from the kitchens. By the time the theft was discovered, they’d be long gone and even though everyone knew about Jared’s sweet tooth, he was still the second prince of the king and queen of Scayen. Besides, Sam, the grumpy matron who presided over the kitchen, had taken a liking to him. She wouldn’t rat him out.

 

In the evening, he still got a firm scolding from his mother because he’d skipped his classes. She didn’t care about the Alendan envoy coming to Cor Calidor — Jared would have to make up the time with Master Julian and write an extra essay on the vice of idleness and why it was especially unbecoming for a prince. Jared was fine with that. He wasn’t interested in showing around a bunch of stuck-up ambassadors anyway.

 

 

 

 

The envoy from Alenda arrived two days later. They came by boat because, due to mild weather, the river Tahl was carrying enough water to bring the ambassador’s ship right to the palace. Jared stood with his parents and his older brother to welcome the ambassador’s party.

 

Relations between Scayen and Alenda had always been tenuous. Jared’s brother said it was because the people of Alenda kept to themselves and mostly sought trade with the countries to the west and over the Eastern Ocean, not with Scayen, the land at their southern borders marked by the high Astri mountain range.

 

With wars ravaging the countries across the Eastern Oceans, trade between Scayen and Alenda had become crucial and so the king and queen of Alenda had sent the king’s younger sister as ambassador to Scayen.

 

Lady Briana was nothing like Jared expected. People from up north were pale and haughty, with cold eyes and even colder demeanor. Or so his brother Jeff had said.

 

Lady Briana however, was short, round, and smiled a lot. She was charming in an awkward kind of way. Jared wasn’t sure how competent she was, but she could definitely break the ice. She had Jared’s father joking with her in no time and even conspiratorially whispered something to Jared’s mother that made her smile. But when Lady Briana introduced her party, Jared lost all interest in her — or anyone else for that matter — because when she introduced her nephew, Prince Jensen, third child to her brother the king, Jared couldn’t look at anyone else.

 

Prince Jensen was the most beautiful human being Jared had ever seen in his entire life. He looked a few years older than Jared, maybe seventeen or eighteen — not too old, Jared’s overeager mind supplied — and he was as tall as Jared’s brother. His country’s fitted clothes — tight, dark pants and a dark green jacket — revealed a slender build with broad shoulders. His hair was dark blond, and cut similar to Jared’s, parted in the middle and down to his ears, but Jared had never seen waves so soft and perfect. Big, green eyes watched the reception attentively, and his full lips were curved in a beautiful, if distant, smile. He was graceful when he was introduced to Jared’s family, and when he smiled at Jared, Jared lost all control over his words. He thought he mumbled out a “Hi, welcome,” which he hoped sounded at least halfway acceptable, but Jensen had already turned away. His backside was just as appealing as his front and Jared realized with horror that he was getting hard, right there, in front of a diplomatic envoy.

 

He looked down and forced himself to think of something disgusting that would make his dick behave — a bunch of tangerines he’d forgotten in his coat pocket and the sticky squishy feeling when he’d pulled them out; the grotesque masks people put on for carnival; the leeches that had once stuck on his leg when he and Chad had gone swimming where they shouldn’t have; his brother having sex. _Finally_.

 

Jared looked up and his family and the advisors were escorting the party from Alenda inside. Well shit. He could not embarrass himself every time he saw Jensen. He would need to get a grip.

 

 

 

 

Jared did not manage to get a grip. To Chad’s great delight, Jared turned into a stammering, blushing mess whenever Jensen spoke to him. It didn’t help that Jared’s formerly vague wet dreams turned into vivid pictures of him and Jensen kissing, him and Jensen undressing together, him and Jensen touching each other and — Jared forcefully stopped his thoughts because they were at dinner. Jensen was sitting diagonally across from him, carefully picking food from his plate. The kitchen had outdone themselves and served the Scayen specialty of puff pastry. The delicately folded dough pieces were filled with meat, vegetables, creams, and fruits.

 

Jensen clearly had no idea what he was eating but was slowly, almost methodically trying everything on his plate.

 

“I like the spinach ones best,” Jared said to no one in particular. Since he was the prince, everyone paid at least superficial attention when he spoke but Jensen was looking straight at him.

 

To make his point, Jared held up the spinach one. “Do you like spinach?” he asked and when Jensen smiled faintly and nodded, and then picked the one spinach pastry from his plate to eat next, Jared thought his heart would burst from joy.

 

After the meal, when Jensen was dancing first with one of Jared’s older cousins and then with a string of other courtiers, Jared’s heart splintered into tiny pieces. He was, of course, old enough to dance, but he’d never been a great dancer and recently he was more likely to step on his partner’s feet than anything else. He had a feeling that he would embarrass himself horribly if he were to dance with Jensen. Especially because Jensen moved so gracefully and confidently across the floor. Jared was not the only one watching him adoringly.

 

The only thing that soothed his jealousy was the knowledge that Jensen left the feast with his aunt, who was a little tipsy from the wine. Stony-faced, he walked her out of the great banquet hall, leaving behind a series of hopeful nobles who’d offered to show him around the gardens. At least Jared could go to bed with the knowledge that no one else had made any headway either.

 

Over the next couple of days, Jared saw Jensen only during official meals. He pleaded with his mother to allow him to accompany the Alendans on their outings during their stay, but she didn’t waver.

 

“Maybe this will finally teach you some responsibility,” she said. “Skipping out on classes and neglecting your studies will have serious consequences later. Since you’re not taking that seriously, there will need to be consequences now.”

 

Jared was so mad, he couldn’t even say anything. He raged to Chad later, who raged with him about the unfairness of parents and the exorbitantly harsh punishment.

 

Later that night, when Jared was sulking in his rooms, his brother came to see him.

 

“Remember how you told me that you’re becoming an adult?” Jeff asked.

 

“Yeah?” Jared asked suspiciously.

 

“Well, being an adult is not about doing what you want. It’s about doing the right thing, the responsible thing. Learning how to be the brother of a king is part of that.” He leaned over to ruffle Jared’s hair. “When I’m king I want to be able to rely on you, little brother.”

 

Jared hung his head. He hadn’t even thought about it like that. “I’m sorry. I won’t let you down, I promise.”

 

“I know you won’t,” his brother said. “But I still won’t talk to Mother for you.”

 

Jared stuck his tongue out at him.

 

His brother sighed. “It’s a good thing it’ll be a long time before I become king.”

 

With his mother’s punishment, Jared continued to see Jensen only at meals. He never managed to do more than comment clumsily on food, but Jensen never looked like he was laughing at Jared’s awkwardness. Instead, he smiled kindly and once even said that the spinach pastry was still his favorite. While Jensen was in trade negotiations with Jared’s parents, Jared spent the entire afternoon bugging Sam, the head cook, to make spinach pastry for the farewell banquet.

 

Resolutely, she pointed a giant spoon at him. “Prince Jared, I will not! Spinach pastries are common food! They were only included at the welcome banquet to show the variety of food we offer. But for tomorrow, we will have only the most elegant—”

 

“But they’re Prince Jensen’s favorite!” Jared begged.  

 

That stopped Sam. “Oh, they’re for Prince Jensen?”

 

Jared could feel himself flush. Damn, he’d given himself away.

 

But Sam gave him a kind smile. “I’ll make sure we have spinach pastry tomorrow.”

 

Jared gave her a grateful smile and practically ran from the kitchen. Later, when he told Chad, his friend laughed mercilessly at him.

 

“It’s not funny,” Jared grumped. “I’m in love, okay?”

 

“You don’t know him at all,” Chad pointed out. “What you are is in lust.”

 

“Who even talks like that?” Jared asked.

 

“People experienced in matters of the flesh,” Chad declared grandly.

 

Jared snorted. “Just because you’ve already slept with everyone who wasn’t up in a tree at the count of three doesn’t mean you get to talk bullshit.”

 

“Fine.” Chad pointed a finger at Jared with fond annoyance on his face. “So what do you want, Jay? I mean, I get that you want him. If I were the least bit bi, I’d wanna jump his bones; the guy is that pretty. But he hasn’t hooked up with anyone. Neither has anyone else from their party, by the way. Seems like people from Alenda aren’t really casual about sex.”

 

“It doesn’t matter. He doesn’t see me like that anyway,” Jared said sullenly. “To him, I’m nothing but the little awkward prince.”

 

Chad was quiet for a while. No matter the situation, no matter that Jared was the prince, his friend never lied to him, never sugar-coated things. Usually Jared loved that about their friendship. Now, he could use some support.

 

“Well,” Chad said finally. “The trade negotiations were successful, so there’s a good chance you’ll see him again. And if the way you’re growing right now is any indication, you won’t have any trouble impressing him in a few years.”

 

Jared walked over to Chad and hugged him, quick and short. “Thanks.”

 

Chad patted his back. “No problem. Now help me run interference, my parents are coming to the banquet tomorrow and I don‘t want to have to spend any time with them.”

 

“Don’t worry about it. I convinced my brother to take your father hunting and your mother is invited to the garden tour my mother is giving to Lady Briana. And at the banquet you’re sitting with me at the first table while your parents are at the second table.”

 

Chad squeezed his shoulder, hard. He knew how much Jared had to convince people to stretch court etiquette to pass this through. “Thanks.”

 

“No problem. Now let’s go see if Sam has some leftovers for us.”

 

Chad groaned but followed Jared to the kitchen.

 

 

 

 

Jensen and his aunt left two days later. During the farewell dinner, Jensen ate five of the spinach pastries and Jared couldn’t stop smiling. Unfortunately, Jared still couldn’t think of anything to say in the face of Jensen’s beauty, so he spent the dinner unusually quiet.

 

When Jensen and his aunt said their goodbyes, Jensen shook everybody’s hand, as was customary in Scayen. Jared thought he’d faint when their hands touched and he must have imagined that Jensen’s smile was just a little brighter, hints of crinkles around his eyes.

 

“Goodbye, Prince Jared. May the wind always be your friend.”

 

Jensen’s eyes were so green, his lips berry-pink and plush. Again, Jared had to force himself to think of his brother’s pasty-white butt.

 

He didn’t know how much time had passed — maybe a second, maybe a lifetime — when Jensen pulled back. Jared scrambled to say something meaningful but all he could come up with was, “safe travels.”

 

Jensen nodded and turned away. Jared would have slammed his head against a wall if he wasn’t standing in front of the entire court.

 

When the envoy left Cor Calidor, walking the short distance to the ship waiting for them on the river, Jared felt his young heart break. He didn’t even have a chance to get to know Jensen, show him that he was more than just an awkward little prince.

 

That night, he stole out of the castle and ran down to the stables. He wasn’t surprised to find Chad already there, standing in his horse’s box, brushing out Nexa’s dark mane. Even though she was the sister of Jared’s palomino mare, Jova, she was as dark as a moonless night.

 

Together, Jared and Chad saddled their horses and rode out of a side gate. The guard told them they had two hours before he’d send a search party for them. Jared pressed a few coins in his hand and vowed that this would be the last time he’d get up to irresponsible shenanigans.

 

“So,” Jared broke the silence when they reached the river. “How did it go with the parents?”

 

Chad smiled but it didn’t reach his eyes. “I didn’t have to spend more than a few minutes with them. Thanks, again.”

 

“No problem.”

 

“How’s your heart?”

 

Jared shrugged. “We didn’t really spend a lot of time together. You were right. I don’t really know him, he’s just really beautiful. Really, _really_ beautiful. And graceful. And nice. And kind. And responsible.”

 

“And you exchanged maybe ten sentences with him,” Chad remarked dryly. “About food.”

 

Jared wanted to argue that he didn’t need to talk to Jensen to know he was perfect but he was aware that that would sound silly. “You’re right,” he said instead. “I’m sure I’ll get over him.”

 

“So,” Chad said slowly, dragging the word out. “First that merchant son, now a prince. Still not interested in girls?”

 

Jared thought about all the courtly ladies he hadn’t even looked at twice. “Nope.”

 

Chad clapped him on the shoulder. “Well, then I think it’s safe to say you’re probably gay. Congratulations.”

 

Jared snorted. “My parents won’t exactly be thrilled.”

 

“Eh, your brother is going to carry on the royal line and you have a ton of cousins. I’m sure they’ll be fine if you want to marry a prince or a lord or some other guy.”

 

“A lord, eh?” Jared asked and eyed Chad up and down provocatively.

 

Chad almost fell off his horse. “Dude, you’re like my brother!”

 

Jared couldn't stop laughing until they reached the tree that marked their usual race line. By the time they returned to the castle, sweaty and grinning, he felt better. He knew he wouldn’t be able to forget Jensen, his beauty and his confident grace, but who knew, maybe he would see him again.

 

 

 


	2. Part One

 

 

 

 

“Nervous?” Chad asked from behind Jared where he was insouciantly lounging on the couch.

 

“No.” Determinedly, Jared stared at his reflection in the mirror and straightened out his new shirt. Then he adjusted the collar, smoothed out the shirt again, and tugged at the sleeves.

 

“It’s okay if you’re nervous,” Chad said. “You are getting married tomorrow.”

 

Chad was right, of course, but the thing was, Jared hadn’t been nervous before.

 

Sure, he’d been worried when he asked his parents if he maybe could marry a man, instead of a woman. But they assured him they only wanted his happiness and his brother Jeff would carry on the royal line anyway, so Jared had breathed easy. He’d been a little anxious when they informed him he was old enough to be engaged and that they were going to look for a suitable husband. He’d been tense when he met a few of the young men his parents deemed appropriate. But when they announced that the perfect candidate would be Prince Jensen, third child to the king and queen of Alenda, and asked if Jared could imagine being married to him? Jared had been excited.

 

He’d felt overjoyed, brimming with anticipation. Of all the possible candidates his parents had considered after he’d told them he’d prefer to marry a man, none had really appealed to Jared. Sure, some were good-looking and charming, intelligent or athletic, but none of them had ever caught Jared’s attention like Jensen had.

 

When a letter arrived from Jensen, carefully phrased in official language but with a nod to the meals they’d shared back when Jared was fourteen and how Jensen had enjoyed Jared’s company and looked forward to their marriage, Jared had been elated. Jensen remembered him, hadn’t protested their marriage but agreed to it, and was even willing to move to Scayen to live with Jared. Things could not have worked out better.

 

Jared took a deep breath and tried to fight down the queasy feeling in his stomach. “I wasn’t nervous before. Everything is perfect. So why am I nervous now? This is ridiculous.”

 

“Sure.” Jared could see Chad nodding in the mirror. “You’re seeing your future husband again for the first time in seven years, and you’ve pined over him the entire time. His last impression of you is a stuttering teenager who had a weird obsession with spinach, but sure, it’s utterly ridiculous for you to be nervous.”

 

“Thanks for the reminder of my complete embarrassment back then,” Jared said dryly.

 

Chad grinned. “That’s what childhood friends are for.”

 

Jared raised his eyebrows. “Aren’t you supposed to always have my back?”

 

“I do,” Chad said, looking more serious. “Look, Jensen said he wants this. Didn’t he wax poetic about the beauty of our country and how much he liked you in his letters?”

 

“Yeah,” Jared said, still not able to shake the nervousness.

 

He tried to remember all the letters Jensen had sent. In his reserved Alendan way, Jensen had told Jared he wanted this. So when negotiations for their marriage and the diplomatic future of their countries dragged on for weeks that turned into months that turned into a year, Jared didn’t allow any doubt.

 

Jensen wanted this wedding, and so did Jared. Everything would work out just fine. Jared was an optimist.

 

Except now, Jared was nervously standing in front of the mirror, tugging at the new shirt Mark had tailored for him. It was a deep burgundy with silver lacings and embroidery at the collar and the sleeves. It was only fitting that Jared wore his family’s colors the day he greeted his new husband. His new husband, who was perfect and beautiful and had seen Jared last when he was a kid. Oh goddess, how could Jared have ever thought this was a good idea? What if Jensen imagined him different? A horrifying thought occurred to Jared. What if Jensen didn’t like that Jared was taller than him?

 

“Then why are you still fiddling with that?” Chad asked from behind him.

 

Chad was decked out in his family's colors as well, wearing a green vest over gray pants and lounging around on Jared’s favorite sofa. Jared was jealous of Chad’s bare arms — it was a hot day and he was already sweating in the long sleeves.

 

“I don’t like the long sleeves,” Jared muttered, aware he sounded like he was eleven, not twenty-one.

 

In the mirror, Jared could see Chad sitting up and fixing him with squinting eyes. “So, the fiddling, the sweating and the nervous eyes, that’s all about the shirt?”

 

Exasperated, Jared threw his hands up. “Fine, so maybe it’s not about the shirt.”

 

Chad snorted then gave Jared his serious face. “Jay, you have no reason to be nervous, okay. He’s going to love you.”

 

Jared turned and gave Chad an incredulous look.

 

“Well, maybe not immediately,” Chad amended.

 

“The last time Jensen was here—” Jared started, but Chad cut him off.

 

“The last time Jensen was here, you were fourteen. You were an awkward beanpole, we all were.”

 

Jared harrumphed. “You weren’t. You were always pretty. And so was Jensen, I bet.”

 

“Probably,” Chad conceded. “But look at you now.” He gestured at Jared. “You’re tall.”

 

“Too tall,” Jared muttered.

 

“Jensen’s tall too,” Chad said dismissively. “And you got the shoulders and the cute butt — don’t look at me like that, I can objectively judge if a butt is cute or not — and your face isn’t half bad either.”

 

“Stop it, I’m blushing,” Jared said dryly.

 

“Fuck you,” Chad said lazily. “You look good and you know it. Just give Jensen one of your dimpled smiles and if that doesn’t make him swoon, take your shirt off.”

 

“Because that will go over well at the banquet,” Jared said, but he was smiling. Chad was right, the last time Jensen had been here, Jared had been a disaster. Now, he was an adult. He wasn’t as pretty as Chad, who still turned heads wherever he went, but he wasn’t too bad either. He was athletic; a good climber and swimmer, and a good rider — not as good as Chad, who’d turned into somewhat of a legend among the young people of Cor Calidor, but Jared was close. He’d managed to pass most of Master Julian’s tests and he was able to charm most foreign dignitaries that came to call on his parents. He’d even had a few lovers. He didn’t sleep around like Chad did, who had a new woman in his bed every other night, but there had been a string of noble and merchant sons, a young knight, and even a doctorate candidate from the university who’d come to the royal archives for his thesis research. He’d never gotten any complaints and most of his flings had gone on for as long as the guy was in town. So getting Jensen to like him? He could do this.

 

He looked back to the mirror. “I can do this,” he told himself, then fiddled with his shirt again. It was just too hot. And if Jensen saw him as a sweaty mess, if he didn’t like him, if he remained indifferent—

 

Something soft thumped against his shoulder.

 

Jared turned around, catching the fabric reflexively. Chad was standing by Jared’s wardrobe from where he’d thrown Jared a blue vest.

 

“Wear that one,” Chad said. “It brings out your eyes and you won’t sweat yourself to death.”

 

Jared looked down at the vest, no sleeves and a slim, deep neckline. The middle was held together by a large silver buckle engraved with the Padalecki horse and it showed the tiniest sliver of belly above the waistline. It was one of his favorites.

 

“Thanks man.”

 

Chad nodded. “Now, let’s go greet your new hubby.”

 

Jared quickly changed clothes, then took a deep breath and followed Chad down to the castle’s gates.

 

 

 

 

When Jared and Chad arrived down in the courtyard, Jared’s mother raised her eyebrows at Jared’s shirt but didn’t comment. She was talking to Mistress Kim, the castle’s steward. The party from Alenda was expected sometime this afternoon, several days later than planned. With every day they’d been delayed, Jared’s mother had changed the program and the festivities’ schedule. In Alenda it was customary to marry during the night of a full moon, so they couldn’t just push back the date.

 

Jared and Jensen were supposed to have had a week to get to know each other before the wedding. Now it was two days.

 

Privately, Jared thought it wasn’t a big deal. They had both agreed to the wedding, they had already met, and they had exchanged letters. Getting to know each other while married might even be easier. Jared was a tactile guy and he knew that he was always better at forging connections in intimate contexts. Considering how reserved Jensen had been during public occasions, being married would probably help them. And if Jared was honest with himself, his crush on Jensen had never really gone away.

 

Jared knew that a marriage needed more to last, but he felt he, at least, was off to a good start. And Jensen had agreed to the wedding so he couldn’t despise Jared entirely. Jared drew hope from that.

 

“Your Majesties, the Alendan party has just been spotted,” one of the palace guards informed Jared’s parents.

 

Last time, the Alendan envoy had arrived on the river. This summer, the river had fallen well below the level that could safely carry a ship so Jensen and his party had had to disembark several miles up the river. Jared’s parents had sent horses for them and now they were finally here.

 

Jared drew a deep breath and straightened up.

 

“You look beautiful,” his mother told him with a smile and straightened his hair.

 

Jared’s father just nodded, and from behind him, his brother clapped a hand on his shoulder. “You’ll be fine, Jay.”

 

Jared nodded. “Of course I will.” And despite the nervousness, he really thought he would. He had a good feeling about this, about Jensen. It was a dream come true.

 

 

The party from Alenda arrived in a cloud of dust and whinnying horses. There were fewer people than Jared had expected to accompany their prince to his wedding. He already knew that the king and queen of Alenda had declined the invitation; they apparently couldn’t leave their country for such a long interval. But Jared knew that Jensen had two older siblings and surely there were other courtiers and nobles and the household Jensen would bring.

 

There was a blond smiling woman that Jared recognized as Lady Briana, Jensen’s aunt. Behind her rode a haughty-looking, beautiful redheaded woman, and next to her was Jensen. Jared immediately forgot about the rest of the group.

 

Jensen was already dismounting his horse, gracefully swinging himself out of the saddle. The first thing Jared realized was that his hair was shorter, cropped at the sides and longer, roguishly windswept on top. His shoulders were broader too and Jared thought that his face had changed, firmed up with age, but his lips were still as full and his eyes were just as green as Jared remembered.

 

Jared reminded himself that he was too old for inappropriate erections and falling over his own feet and went to greet his future husband.

 

Lady Briana greeted him first, and introduced the fiery redhead as Lady Danneel but Jared only had eyes for Jensen.

 

Jensen was looking straight at him but his face gave nothing away. Then he smiled, that small, bright smile Jared remembered and stretched out his hand.

 

“Prince Jared, I am happy to see you again.”

 

Jared could feel himself beaming back and took Jensen's offered hand. His grip was firm and his hand was slightly calloused, and Jared could not resist drawing Jensen’s hand up to his mouth and brushing his lips along the knuckles. It was a tame gesture, as far as flirting went, but Jared didn't want to overdo it.

 

“I’m so glad you’re finally here,” Jared said, and he thought he must still be smiling like an idiot.

 

Before Jensen could reply, Jared’s brother was there, and then they were separated in the rituals of greeting. Jared tried to remember the Alendans he was introduced to but he couldn’t help looking back at Jensen, who was shaking hands with an endless number of Scayen nobles. Then the Alendans were already getting shown to their quarters and Jensen was gone before Jared could speak to him again.

 

“You’ll see him at dinner,” his mother said consolingly. “Let Prince Jensen rest awhile. They had a long journey.”

 

Jared understood; the first thing he did after a long ride was take a shower. Still, their short greeting left him disappointed. But Jared was nothing but an optimist and he pushed his unease away. Tonight at the banquet, he’d get to talk to Jensen. And who knew, maybe this time Jensen would accept the invitation to a midnight stroll in the garden.

 

 

 

 

For the banquet, Jared wore his new shirt. It was cool in the large hall, the arcade lining it from the outside keeping the wilting heat out.

 

Jared was sitting at the high oval table next to his parents, with Jensen beside him. Lady Briana was sitting on the other side of Jared’s parents. The rest of the Alendan party were mixed with Jared’s extended family and the highest ranking nobles.

 

During Jensen’s arrival, Jared had been so caught up in nervousness and anticipation, he didn’t have to time to admire Jensen’s Alendan clothes. Sitting next to him now, Jared couldn’t help but notice how the deep green shirt buttoned up to his throat with the fitted brown jacket brought out Jensen’s eyes and accentuated his broad shoulders. Contrary to Jared’s people, who preferred loose or billowing material for pants, Jensen wore tight leather pants. Jared had to force himself not to look down into Jensen’s lap because he was _really_ too old for inappropriate erections.

 

He was glad when his father stood and he had an excuse not to look at Jensen. Jared’s father gave a little speech to welcome the Alendans and toasted to the future couple. Under the sounds of the people in the hall knocking their knuckles on the table, Jared turned to Jensen who was looking at Jared with a slightly puzzled expression. Jared leaned in, saw Jensen’s eyes widen in surprise, and grinned.

 

“Just go with it, it’s a tradition,” he whispered and kissed Jensen on the mouth. It was supposed to be brief and sweet, but when Jensen made a tiny, muffled sound and moved his lips against Jared’s, Jared couldn’t help but linger. When he pulled back, the court cheered and the feast began.

 

A slight flush was blooming high on Jensen’s cheeks and Jared had to force himself not to reach out to touch Jensen again. While people in Scayen were liberal and public with their affection, he knew that people from Alenda were more reserved. So Jared just gave Jensen a reassuring smile and focused on the food.

 

The tables were laden with food and Jared saw that Sam the head cook had made good on her promise and had included the spinach pastries Jensen liked so much in the menu.

 

“So,” Jared turned to Jensen after a short break of silence, “how was your trip?”

 

It seemed like an innocent enough conversation opener but Jensen’s neutral expression hardened almost imperceptibly.

 

“Good,” he said curtly. “The storm was a slight inconvenience to the timeline of course but we enjoyed riding through your lands very much.”

 

From what Jared had heard, the storm had been anything but a slight inconvenience, forcing Jensen and his people to delay their travel for weeks, but maybe Alendans were more relaxed when it came to snow storms. After all, they must have them all the time.

 

So Jared latched onto the other thing Jensen had said.

 

“Yeah, the steppe is really beautiful. Unfortunately you missed most of the bloom, but there are a few fields higher up where you can still see the flowers. Maybe we can take a ride out there sometime after the wedding?”

 

Jensen inclined his head. “That sounds wonderful.”

 

The tone of his voice said the complete opposite. Okay, so Jensen wasn’t big on flowers then.

 

“There's of course much more to see than just the flowers,” Jared hastened to say. “We can go anywhere you’d like to see.”

 

“I’m sure all of your country is very beautiful.” Jensen gave Jared a small smile. “I remember from my last visit.”

 

Jared smiled back. “Yeah, it really is. And no snow storms to stop us from going anywhere.”

 

They fell silent again, and Jared busied himself with heaping food on his plate while he thought of something to say. He felt a little miffed that Jensen wasn’t making an effort at conversation but maybe he was still tired from his travels.

 

Jensen followed Jared’s lead, taking some food and Jared saw with delight that Jensen took a few of the puff pastries, some of them filled with spinach at Jared’s request. While Jared ate, he watched Jensen out of the corner of his eyes and he saw that Jensen was surreptitiously looking around, a crease of confusion between his brows.

 

“Is everything alright?” Jared asked.

 

“Yes, of course,” Jensen said smoothly. “I was just wondering when the bard would play.”

 

“After dinner.”

 

Jensen looked surprised by this information, then looked around the table, at the people animatedly talking to each other. He nodded, like that explained a former puzzlement, then went back to his food.

 

Next to Jensen sat Lady Alaina, a distant cousin of Jared’s mother. She’d been talking to the Alendan man seated next to her but now she turned to her plate in surprise after biting into one of the puff pastries.

 

“Spinach?” she asked confused, looking at the queen. “Did the kitchen run out of supplies?”

 

Jared looked up sharply. Lady Alaina had never been one of Jared’s favorite people, but right now he intensely disliked her for her elitist and arrogant ways.

 

Jared’s mother sighed. “Honestly, I have no idea. I’ll have a word with the cook. We shouldn’t serve common food on such an occasion.”

 

“Mother, I asked Sam to make them,” Jared jumped in. He couldn't let Sam get in trouble.

 

His mother shot him a confused look.

 

“Jensen likes spinach,” Jared explained.

 

The queen’s face softened. “Oh Jared,” she said fondly. Then she took a plate with the puff pastries and offered it to Jensen. Stony-faced, he took one pastry and put it on his plate.

 

“You can take more if you like,” Jared said encouragingly.

 

“I appreciate it but I am not that fond of spinach,” Jensen said, not meeting Jared’s eyes.

 

Oh no. Jared had thought that he could show Jensen that he still remembered, that he cared about him, had cared enough to remember his preferences from years ago.

 

“Well,” the queen said in a cordial tone, “Jared must have mixed it up. Thankfully we have a wide selection of food tonight, and I’m sure someone will take pity on the spinach.”

 

There was good-natured laughter around the table and a few people reached for the spinach pastries, proclaiming that they couldn’t possibly let the poor undesired pastries suffer.

 

Embarrassed, Jared looked down at his plate. He felt fourteen again, bumbling and awkward. He knew he hadn’t mixed up the spinach with something else but that meant that back then, Jensen hadn’t liked spinach either, he’d only indulged in Jared’s attempts at conversation. Jared hadn’t known it was possible to be so mortified about something that had happened years ago but apparently it was.

 

The rest of the evening, he couldn’t bring himself to venture more than a few attempts at conversation to which Jensen had polite but short answers. After the meal, the bard sang. Robert recited ballads of eternal love that overcame misunderstandings, wars and even death itself and miserably Jared thought that right now it seemed very unlikely he’d ever have anything like that.

 

But maybe he’d just have to get Jensen alone. He was always guarded in company so the key to get him talking might just be a quiet, unobserved place.

 

After Robert finished his last song, the servants cleared the tables and pushed them back to the walls. The other musicians joined Robert and when they started a lively tune, Jared’s parents went to the middle of the hall for the first dance.

 

When they were done, Jared took a deep breath. “Would you do me the honor of dancing with me?” he asked Jensen.

 

“Of course.” Jensen’s reply was again polite, but now, Jared could make out the cold undercurrent in it.

 

What was wrong now? Jensen was a good dancer, Jared remembered that. Maybe Jensen had heard that Jared wasn’t? He’d tried to learn, Jared really had and while he managed not to step on anyone’s toes anymore, he was far from accomplished. But he knew he had to dance with Jensen, so he did his best to focus.

 

Jared managed to make it through three songs without any incident but he wasn’t able to relax either. Jensen was so graceful and this close, Jared could see the individual freckles dusting the bridge of Jensen’s nose.

 

They turned and swirled with the other dancers, came together and parted when the dance required it, held hands and brushed shoulders. After the third dance, Jared excused himself to get a drink.

 

He needed to take a few deep breaths to regain his equilibrium. It didn’t matter that Jensen had been so distant tonight, Jared was still as spellbound by his face as he had been seven years ago.

 

“How’s it going?” Jared turned to find Felicia behind him.

 

As tiny as she was, the top of her head barely reaching Jared’s chest, her magic gave her an unmistakable aura of power. She’d trained for years in the convent, only coming to court for brief periods of time when the convents closed for religious observances. Last year, she mastered the final examination, and as a fully trained mage, she came to live at court.

 

Chad, Felicia, and Jared had been inseparable when they were kids and even while Felicia was in the convent, their friendship never wavered. She spent more time with her studies these days than with her friends, but Jared was busy learning matters of state and Chad was busy representing his parents at court. They’d all grown up but they were still close friends.

 

“It could go better,” Jared admitted and took a big gulp of wine.

 

Felicia turned back to the middle of the hall where Jensen was dancing with one of Jared’s cousins. “It could,” she said, as always brutally honest. “He doesn't look like he’s enjoying himself much.”

 

“He had a long day,” Jared defended his future husband. “And Jensen’s inhibited in large groups. I just have to get him alone.”

 

Felicia nodded thoughtfully. “Just be careful.”

 

Jared looked at her in confusion. “Why?”

 

“People from Alenda are different than we are,” Felicia said slowly.

 

“I know that.”

 

She fixed him with a hard stare. “Do you?”

 

Jared tried not to squirm under her inquisitive eyes. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

 

She raised her eyebrows. “Did you read the books like I told you?”

 

“Yeah. I read one,” he added when she still looked like she didn’t believe him. He wouldn’t mention that he’d more skimmed than read the book. “You’re not my teacher,” Jared grumbled. “Besides, I’ll just ask Jensen.”

 

Felicia let out a sigh.

 

When Jared looked for Jensen again, he saw him dancing with a tall blonde woman. “Look, why don’t we go over there, I’ll have another dance with my husband-to-be and you can go seduce Lady Adrianne.”

 

“Fine,” Felicia said like it would be a chore and not something she’d planned to do anyway. She and Lady Adrianne had a long-running flirtation.

 

She lead the way across the dancefloor and when the song ended, she stepped in front of Jensen and Adrianne.

 

“My lady. May I have the next dance?”

 

Adrianne beamed at her. “I was hoping you’d find me.” She stepped away with Felicia to twirl around the dancefloor to a new lovely song, leaving Jensen and Jared alone in the middle of the dancers.

 

Slowly, Jensen turned to Jared and stepped into his personal space. “Another dance?” he asked and took Jared’s hand carefully.

 

It was the first time Jensen had initiated their touch and it sent excitement buzzing through Jared. “Maybe we could get a drink instead,” he asked. “And there’s a dessert buffet now.”

 

“Of course.” Jensen smiled but it seemed forced.

 

Jared wasn’t sure why, so he filled the awkward silence with chatter about the different cakes and pastries Sam had made for the feast.

 

They both got plates with sweets and new glasses of wine and then Jared led Jensen out into the arcade. The music was quieter out here and they sat down on a bench to enjoy their dessert.

 

“This is really good,” Jensen said, holding up a piece of coconut cake Jared had put on his plate.

 

“I’m glad you like it,” Jared answered with a smile. For a moment, they looked at each other, both smiling and the stiff awkwardness from before didn’t matter anymore.

 

Then Jensen looked down at his plate, fiddled with a honey cookie, before he resolutely looked up at Jared, face suddenly serious.

 

“I’m sorry that I exposed you in front of your mother,” he said gravely.

 

It took Jared a moment to understand that Jensen meant the spinach pastry incident. From Jensen’s expression Jared had almost expected to be told they couldn’t marry or that someone had died.

 

“Oh, it’s nothing, don’t worry about it,” Jared said, relieved it was only such a small thing. “I’m just sorry about the spinach.”

 

Jensen’s smile seemed brittle as if he was unsure what Jared meant.

 

“I really thought you liked spinach,” Jared explained. “I wouldn't have asked the cook to make them if I didn’t think you liked it.”

 

“You still would have asked for common food specifically for me?” Jensen asked incredulous.

 

“Of course,” Jared said off-handedly. Anything for Jensen.

 

Jensen kept looking at him and in the arcade’s dim light, Jared couldn't read his expression. But being alone in the almost darkness made Jared bold.

 

“Would you like to go outside, see the gardens?” he asked. They were still so close to the festivities, the music floating outside together with the laughter and conversations of the courtiers and every once in a while someone would stroll past them. They never approached them, giving Jared and Jensen their privacy but Jared wanted to be alone with Jensen, talk to him without prying eyes in the vicinity.

 

“There’s not much to see in the garden at this hour,” Jensen remarked flatly.

 

Jared laughed sheepishly. “No, I guess there isn’t.”

 

Abruptly, Jensen stood. “I’m tired from my travels. I think I have to retire.”

 

“Oh, of course.” Jared scrambled to his feet. It was late and Jensen had been traveling for the past few weeks.

 

Jensen was already walking away, towards the redheaded woman waiting for him in the doorway. She was watching Jared with narrowed eyes and Jared was sure he must have done something terrible but he had no idea what.

 

“Good night,” he called after Jensen.

 

Jensen stopped and turned. “Good night, Prince Jared,” he said stiffly, then left.

 

Jared sank down on the bench, perplexed as to what had just happened. Actually, the whole evening perplexed him. He had no idea what was going on in Jensen's head. He ran through their conversations but came up blank. Jensen had been friendly, then distant, then friendly, then distant. It gave Jared whiplash.

 

Footsteps approached and Chad and Felicia sat down beside him on the bench.

 

“I think I screwed up but I have no idea what I did.”

 

“Me too,” Chad said dreamily. “But it was totally worth it.”

 

Jared looked at Chad and saw a bright red stain blooming on his shirt.

 

Felicia snorted. “Amateurs.”

 

The laces of her dress were loose in places and instead of Chad’s red stain, she had a love bite at the base of her neck. Clearly, Felicia had been much more successful in her endeavors.

 

“What did you do?” Felicia asked after a while.

 

“Who?” Chad asked.

 

“Both of you.”

 

Chad huffed. “I fell in love. And apparently she doesn't feel the same.”

 

“You fell in love?” Jared asked incredulously.

 

Chad raise his eyebrows. “Alendans, man. Don’t judge, you’re not doing much better.”

 

Jared snorted. “You’re not in love, you’re in lust.”

 

“Pot.” Chad pointed at himself, then at Jared. “Kettle.”

 

“At least I didn’t get doused in wine.”

 

“But he looked like he wanted to,” Felicia said. “Seriously, Jared what did you say to Prince Jensen?”

 

“Nothing! We were sitting out here eating dessert and everything was fine, and then I asked if he wanted to go into the gardens with me and—” Jared broke off. Oh no.

 

Next to him, Chad started laughing. “Oh man, I tried the exact same line. Be glad Jensen has more restraint than Lady Danneel.”

 

“But it wasn’t a line,” Jared protested helplessly, even though now it was glaringly obvious that to Jensen, it must have sounded like one. “I just wanted to talk to him in private, not, you know, ravage him.”

 

This time, Felicia joined Chad in laughing. “Oh Jared.”

 

“What do I do?” he asked miserably.

 

“You apologize and clear things up,” Felicia said. “Honestly, when he sees your earnest puppy dog eyes, he’ll have to forgive you.”

 

“Besides, you’re getting married tomorrow evening,” Chad said. “It’s not like it would’ve made much of a difference.”

 

“Yeah but he traveled the whole day and we didn’t even get a chance to really talk.” Frustrated, Jared ran a hand through his hair. “Okay, I will apologize at breakfast, then spend the day with him in the gardens, _talking_ , and then tomorrow night, we’ll get married and maybe it’s just that we’re not good with words, maybe we just, you know…”

 

“Need to fuck it out?” Chad offered.

 

Felicia reached behind Jared to slap Chad upside the head. “Just talk to him, Jared, see where it goes,” she said.

 

But Jared thought Chad might be right. Maybe some physical intimacy was exactly what would help break the ice between them, to get over the awkwardness.

 

 

 

 

 

Jared’s wedding day started with a bang — quite literally. He was startled awake by a loud noise and opened his eyes to a rain of colorful sparkles falling down on him.

 

“What the…” Slowly he sat up, wiping his hair out of his face to see Felicia and Chad standing at the end of his bed, grinning brightly.

 

“Happy wedding day!” Felicia exclaimed, swirled her hands and another explosion of sparkles in all colors of the rainbow filled the room.

 

Chad offered Jared a glass of water, and still disoriented from the abrupt end to his sleep, Jared took a big gulp and sputtered when the alcohol burned his throat.

 

“Holy shit.” He coughed and berated himself that he’d forgotten about this particular tradition.

 

Chad just clapped him on the back. “You awake now?”

 

Jared shook his head and blinked furiously. “Definitely awake.”

 

“Good. Then get your lazy ass out of bed and get dressed,” Chad ordered. “If you want to talk to Jensen before the festivities start, you need to hurry.”

 

“Crap.” Jared scrambled out of the blankets and into the bath.

 

In an alcove in the wall, several buckets with cold water hung from the ceiling and Jared doused himself once before he cleaned his body with soap and rinsed.

 

A servant had already laid out the clothes for the traditional breakfast and Jared quickly put on loose pants and a dark blue shirt. His mother would scold him for it, but he only half fastened the lacing in the front. It was fashionable, and Chad said it suited him. And when it came to dress-to-impress, there was no one better to listen to than Chad.

 

When he looked presentable — Chad had rearranged the lacing and Felicia had smoothed out his hair — he made his way to the castle’s guest wing. Jensen would move into the quarters next to Jared’s, with them sharing a bedroom, a dining and a sitting room, but until tonight, he was staying with the rest of the Alendans in the guest wing.

 

Jensen’s party hadn’t brought any guards with them, but a short, stocky man was standing guard next to the door. His brown hair was pulled back in a neat ponytail and he was wearing functional, yet well made clothes in the Alendan style; tight and fitting, the pants made of leather and a high-necked vest over the long-sleeved shirt.

 

He wasn’t a guard, least not in the way he was looking Jared straight in they eyes. He did incline his head in a deferential greeting.

 

Jared nodded. “I’d like to see Prince Jensen.”

 

“Prince Jensen is getting ready for the breakfast,” the man who wasn’t a guard but was guarding Jensen’s room said.

 

“Of course,” Jared said. “I just wanted to talk to him before. Can you go in and tell him?”

 

Reluctantly, the man nodded and disappeared into the room. Outside, Jared waited. He caught himself fiddling with his sleeves again and forced himself to stop. Today was his wedding day. He was determined to make this a good day.

 

After a while, the man reappeared. “Prince Jensen is still getting ready. He says he’ll meet you at breakfast.”

 

“Oh.” Jared hadn’t expected this. He’d been hyping himself up to talk to Jensen, it hadn’t even occurred to him Jensen would not want to see him.

 

The not-guard was looking at him with something like worry in his eyes, so Jared straightened up with a smile. “Alright. I guess this was short notice. Tell him I’ll see him at breakfast.”

 

The not-guard nodded with the reserve Jared had come to expect from Alendans and that was starting to drive him up the walls. With a sigh, he turned around and walked down to the stables. He had some time to kill before breakfast and he didn’t feel like sitting around.

 

On the way, he called on a servant to let Chad know, and when he had his and Chad’s horses saddled, his friend appeared.

 

“Really?” Chad asked.

 

“We have over an hour until breakfast and Jensen was getting ready.”

 

Chad’s brows shot up. “What’s he doing that’s taking so long?”

 

Jared shrugged, trying not to feel peeved. “I don’t know. I’m sure there’s something…” He trailed off, knowing how unlikely it sounded. But the thought that Jensen was avoiding him stung.

 

“Well, have you seen Alendan clothes? They’re so tight, and the long sleeves and the buttons, I’m sure it takes ages getting in there.”

 

Gratefully, Jared gave Chad a smile but it didn’t help to dispense his worry entirely.

 

“Race you,” Chad said with a half-grin. “You gonna let me beat you on your wedding day?”

 

“Never.” Jared grinned back at Chad and then they were off, galloping out of the stables and towards the river.

 

 

They got back just in time. Jared managed to wash his face, comb through his hair and get the dust off his shirt and then he had to hurry outside. The breakfast buffet was set up in the smallest of the many inner courtyards littered throughout the castle. White tents were shielding food and people from the rising sun and servants were fanning cool air.

 

It was a small, intimate gathering, only the family and closest friends — which for Jensen meant everyone from his small party and for Jared five of his best friends and his family, including his cousins. There were still at least fifty people in the courtyard.

 

Jared and Jensen had the seats of honor at the round table in the middle, sitting with their friends. It was traditional that for the wedding breakfast, the younger generation was on their own, to talk freely about their lives, their plans and the celebration. Parents, grandparents and older family members were seated at other tables to give them the freedom to talk.

 

Besides Chad and Felicia, Jared had invited Alona, Osric and Traci. They were children of nobles and had grown up with Jared, Chad and Felicia, training together and attending lessons together.

 

They were already sitting at the table, Felicia shooting him and Chad daggers as they approached.

 

Jared ignored them in favor of looking at Jensen and the people he’d invited. Instead of the usual five, there were only two people sitting to Jensen’s sides. The man who’d been guarding his room and the redheaded lady. Their clothes were as fitting and covering as Jensen’s, rows of tiny buttons closing cuffs and collars.

 

“Shit,” Chad muttered under his breath.

 

Jared remembered Chad’s declaration about the beautiful Alendan woman so he clapped Chad on the shoulder. “I’ll protect you.” Then he sat down next to Jensen, Chad to his other side.

 

Jensen was eying Jared with a look that Jared couldn't quite decipher before he looked down at his plate. The rest of the table was silent, looking to Jared for clues.

 

He was saved by his parents calling everyone’s attention. This time, Jared’s father didn’t give a formal speech, he just once again greeted the guests and told them to enjoy this small getting-to-know-each-other gathering. There was polite applause, then people started getting up and ambling to the buffet tables lining the courtyard.

 

“You still have hay in your hair,” Felicia hissed at Chad and Jared saw her picking straw out of Chad’s blond hair. “Did you have to screw around this morning?”

 

He batted her hand away. “Stop it,” he hissed back, even quieter. “Jared and I just took a ride, okay?”

 

“Well,” Jared said to cover the awkwardness, “I’m really glad you’re all here. Did you guys already introduce each other?”

 

“No,” Felicia said with emphasis, letting up on Chad. “We were waiting for you.”

 

“Though some of us met last night,” Alona said with a nod to Jensen’s companions.

 

Both the woman and the man inclined their heads towards Alona.

 

“Okay,” Jared said, then went around the table and introduced them. Alona Tal, her family living far away in the south where the river Tahl entered the ocean. Osric Chau, son of an old merchant family that had been knighted a few generations ago and who kept close contact with their family from across the eastern sea. Traci Dinwiddie came from a long line of mages but contrary to Felicia she’d never gone to the convent to train. She had the sight but she preferred to be a warrior. And of course Felicia, daughter of one of the palace’s washerwomen, and capable of magic like hadn’t been seen in a new mage for years.

 

Jared also introduced Chad, making a point to highlight all his good qualities; he was an excellent rider, the best at Cor Calidor actually, he even trained the younger pages — “shut up, I don’t train—” Chad tried to interrupt him but Jared went on to elaborate on Chad’s many duties at court.

 

The redheaded woman was not impressed.

 

After Jared was done, he looked to Jensen. “And who are your friends?”

 

“Well, you’ve met Danneel already,” Jensen said and there was a sting in his voice.

 

Jared did remember, he’d seen her when they first arrived and again at the banquet, but he’d been just too focused on Jensen.

 

“Danneel is the daughter of Marshall Harris,” Jensen said to the rest of the table. “We were born on the same day, and she became my mark-sister.”

 

Jared had no idea what any of that meant, but he didn’t dare ask. Maybe he should take another look at the books Felicia had given him.

 

“Chris is the son of Senechal Kane,” Jensen continued. “We grew up together and he is one of my closest friends.”

 

Chris shot Jensen an angry look, that Jensen returned steadily. Danneel softly touched Jensen’s hand and he turned back to Jared, as if nothing had happened.

 

Jared scrambled to say something into the cold silence. “It’s very nice to meet you. Officially I mean.”

 

Chris just inclined his head again and Danneel looked at him with sharply raised eyebrows.  

 

“For us as well,” Felicia said with a warm smile. “And I think we should toast,” she said and raised her wine glass. “To the union not only of two people, but two countries. As vast as our differences in culture, history and even food may be, true affection can overcome all of that.” She smiled warmly at Jensen, then kicked Jared under the table. “I am sure we will learn a lot from each other, and about ourselves in turn. So, Prince Jensen, welcome to Scayen.”

 

Jensen smiled at her in return and everyone raised their glasses and drank.

 

“Food?” Chad asked, before another awkward silence could spread and Jared nodded gratefully. Whatever was going on with Jensen and Chris, Jared would love to find out but that could wait until after the wedding.

 

“Jensen, should I show you the buffet? You can pick whatever you like,” Jared added, thinking sheepishly of the spinach incident.

 

Jensen stood and looked determinedly at Jared. “I’d love that.”

 

Jared beamed and led Jensen to the buffet where he described every dish in detail and watched in delight as Jensen picked at least three of Jared’s favorites.

 

Back at the table, Alona seemed to continue a conversation with Danneel from the night before because they were deeply immersed in a discussion about swords. Alona was one of the best fighters at court and she had strong opinions about which weapons were best. Jared knew Alona preferred short swords you could wield with one hand whereas Danneel seemed to be of a different opinion. Their debate was heated but friendly.

 

Traci and Osric were talking to Chris, apparently answering questions about Scayen’s geography. Osric was in the process of describing the long and rocky shoreline and Traci commented occasionally while Chris listened attentively.

 

Felicia was still lording her evening with Lady Adrianne over Chad’s head, which meant Jared and Jensen had time to talk. Unfortunately, Jared came up blank.

 

To his surprise Jensen opened the conversation.

 

“I’m sorry you came to my rooms this morning for nothing,” he said quietly. “I was not expecting you, otherwise I would have made time for you.”

 

“Oh, it’s nothing.” Jared gave Jensen a reassuring smile. “I just thought we should talk, you know, before we get married.”

 

“Talk?” Jensen asked.

 

Jared nodded. “Well, I mean, we don’t really know each other and I just thought…” Jared shrugged but Jensen wasn’t helping him, was just staring at Jared slightly alarmed. “Look, I just mean that we maybe should have talked at least a little bit, just so we’re not complete strangers tonight.”

 

Jensen nodded. “Of course. Maybe there will be time after breakfast?”

 

“Yeah. I was actually thinking about going to the gardens. To talk,” Jared hastened to say when he saw Jensen’s face close off. “I wanted to talk yesterday too,” he added quietly.

 

Jenne tensed. “Of course. Mistress Kim informed me that I don’t have to be anywhere or do anything between breakfast and the ceremony this evening, so I guess we can go to the gardens.”

 

Jared smiled in relief. “Great. Let’s do that.”

 

The rest of the breakfast passed in pleasant conversation. Chad made a few attempts to talk to Lady Danneel but she was less than welcoming. The rest of their friends were incredibly amused by this and Alona even leaned over to Danneel and whispered, so loud that the whole table could hear. “Keep up the good work. He needs to learn that not every woman is going to sleep with him.”

 

Chad threw a piece of bread at her and everybody laughed.

 

After breakfast, when the guests dispersed, Jared led Jensen to the gardens.

 

“They really are beautiful,” Jensen said, looking around at the thorny rosebushes and the spiky cacti.

 

Carefully, Jensen reached out to touch one of the long thorns. Surprised, he drew his hand back and inspected the tip of his finger. “And very sharp.”

 

Jared nodded. “Yeah, they are. It’s not fun to fall into a field of them.”

 

Jensen looked at him in surprise.

 

Embarrassed, Jared waved him off. He should really learn to keep his mouth under control around Jensen. “I was young, Chad and I were — it doesn’t really matter. Just take my word for it.”

 

“You and Chad are really close.” It was a statement, not a question.

 

“Yeah,” Jared said. “We grew up together.”

 

“But Chad’s family is from the mountains on your western border, is he not?”

 

In surprise, Jared nodded. “I didn’t know you knew that.”

 

“The Counts of Mons Arbor are a powerful family,” Jensen said matter-of-factly.

 

Jared nodded, perplexed Jensen knew so much about Scayen politics.

 

“How come Chad spends so much time at court?” Jensen asked casually.

 

“He’s here instead of his parents, to act as an intermediary for his family,” Jared explained, even though that was of course only a pretense. Chad hated his parents, hated being home.

 

Jared could see from Jensen’s expression that Jensen didn’t believe his answer either.

 

“Look, it’s complicated,” Jared said. Chad didn’t like to talk about his family, so Jared didn’t either.

 

“I understand,” Jensen said stiffly.

 

“You do?” Jared asked in surprise.

 

Jensen nodded slowly, mouth set in a hard line. “What does that mean for us?”

 

“For us?” Now Jared was completely confused.

 

“Will Chad stay at court?” Jensen’s voice was tight.

 

Oh. Now Jared understood Jensen’s line of questioning. Jensen didn’t like Chad, probably because of Danneel.

 

“Chad’s a great guy,” Jared said earnestly. “Trust me, you’ll like him. I know he can be a bit… brash and I’m sure he totally deserved the wine Danneel threw at him but he’s got a good heart. I’ve known him all my life and I love him, you know?”

 

Jensen’s face gave nothing away. “So he’s going to stay,” he said woodenly.

 

“Yes,” Jared said, and his voice was harder than he’d meant it to be but really, Chad was his best friend. So he’d misbehaved one evening. That was no reason to send him away.

 

Icily, Jensen nodded. “I just need to know where I stand.”

 

“Where you stand? Jensen, my friendship with Chad has nothing to do with us!” Frustratedly, Jared dragged a hand through his hair. “And if you dislike him that much, you don’t have to spend time with him, but really, you just met him, you can’t just judge him like that. You should give him a chance.”

 

“Give him a chance?” Jensen asked with barely hidden outrage, the most emotion he’d shown since he arrived at Cor Calidor.

 

“He is my best friend, Jensen,” Jared said firmly. He was willing to do a lot to earn Jensen’s goodwill but he would not budge on his friends. “He is one of the most important people in my life. So yes, you should give him a chance.”

 

“I don’t,” Jensen started, then he broke off and looked at Jared with confusion. “He’s your best friend,” Jensen repeated slowly. “You love him.”

 

“Yes,” Jared said exasperatedly. “And I know that he tries to seduce every woman he meets and that he always makes a joke out of everything and that he can be really inappropriate but I love him anyways.”

 

“You,” Jensen started again, then cut himself off. For a second, he looked completely horrified, then he got his face under control again. “I apologize. I did not mean to imply you should not be friends, I just wondered, because… because of Danneel.”

 

Jared’s anger dissipated as quickly as it had come. He guessed if he didn’t know Chad and he’d hit on Felicia, he’d be equally pissed.

 

“Yeah, I get that.” Jared stopped, unsure what else to say. “He really seems to like her,” he settled on eventually. “Maybe something will develop there. I mean, it would be kind of awesome if we weren’t the only Alenda-Scayen couple, right?”

 

“Considering Danneel is leaving after the wedding, I don’t think that’s going to happen,” Jensen said.

 

“Oh.” Jensen’s best friend, his mark-sister he’d called her, was leaving again. “But Chris is staying, right?”

 

Jensen nodded. “Chris will stay.”

 

Silence fell, heavy and uncomfortable.

 

“Your friends and family are welcome to visit any time, you know that, right?” Jared said. He thought about Chad leaving, his family leaving. He’d never really thought what this meant for Jensen. Sure, he’d get the warmth and the sunshine but he wouldn’t see his family for long stretches of time.

 

“I know,” Jensen said softly.

 

“Hey, maybe we can go visit Alenda together. I’d love to see it,” Jared said brightly.

 

“You would?” Jensen asked dubiously.

 

Jared gave him a crooked smile. “What, you think I can’t handle the cold?”

 

Jensen pointedly looked at Jared’s clothes and his feet and the thin sandals he wore. “Have you ever even worn a winter coat?”

 

“It gets cold here too, in winter,” Jared protested.

 

Jensen raised his eyebrows.

 

“When it gets really cold up in the mountains, we get hoarfrost on the plants.”

 

For a moment, Jensen stared, then he burst out laughing. The corners of his eyes crinkled and his shoulders shook with it. Jared had never seen Jensen laugh and the sight completely transfixed him.

 

“I’m sorry,” Jensen said when his laughter had subsided and he caught Jared staring. “I did not mean to be rude. But in Alenda, we have snow several feet high for half the year. It gets so cold, your breath freezes as soon as it leaves your mouth.”

 

Now Jared was staring for a whole different reason. “How does that even work?” he asked.

 

“I’ll have to show you, I guess,” Jensen said lightly.

 

Jared nodded. “What else happens when it gets cold?” he asked curiously.

 

Jensen looked around thoughtfully. “Our plants, they’re different. In winter only the evergreens carry leaves, tall fir trees, trunks so thick you need ten people or more to reach around. All our lakes freeze and sometimes even the rivers. Waterfalls make the most amazing sculptures when they’re frozen.” Jensen’s eyes were shining as he remembered his home and Jared thought he’d never looked more beautiful. “Our people try to imitate nature, so we carve statues into the ice. I’m not particularly gifted but other people can cut real likenesses into the ice, as if it was stone.”

 

“That sounds amazing.”

 

Jensen gave him a bright smile, and every other smile Jared had received so far paled in comparison. “It is,” he said. “Maybe we can get someone to make a carving of your face, if you’d like.”

 

“Really?” Jared asked, and he didn’t know if he was more astonished that someone carved faces into ice or that Jensen thought that should be done.

 

Jensen seemed to hesitate a moment, caught in a forward move, then he reached out his hand, stopping an inch from Jared’s cheek. “It’s a good face,” he said quietly and lowered his hand again.

 

“Not as good as yours,” Jared said with a smile. “You’ll have to pose for your portrait for our family’s gallery soon.”

 

“Yes, of course,” Jensen said and abruptly leaned back.

 

“It’s a tradition,” Jared explained, not sure why Jensen seemed to object to the portrait. “All family members and their spouses get immortalized in the gallery.”

 

“I’ll gladly sit for a painter then,” Jensen said.

 

The conversation died again. The silence stretched and Jared didn’t understand why this was so hard. He could talk to anyone, why not to his future husband?

 

“Look, Jensen,” he started helplessly, “I’m sorry that everything was so rushed for the wedding. Usually, there’s a whole week of celebration but since we can only get married on a full moon and your parents didn’t want to wait for another month, it…”

 

He trailed off, seeing Jensen’s questioning face.

 

“I’m just sorry that this is so rushed. We deserve better. _You_ deserve better.”

 

Jensen inclined his head. “I hear you,” he said solemnly.

 

Jared waited for him to say more, to say that it was alright, that he didn't hold a grudge but Jensen remained silent.

 

“Alright then,” Jared said too loud in the quiet gardens.

 

Jensen looked as confused as Jared felt. “I’m grateful,” he finally said, “that you were willing to accommodate our wedding customs.”

 

“Of course, it’s no problem at all,” Jared said.

 

Again, silence fell. Jared hadn’t wanted to let himself think it before, but what if he and Jensen just wouldn’t click? What if they’d never get along? Just to imagine that every conversation would be this awkward and difficult, it made Jared’s head hurt.

 

“Jensen,” Jared said into the silence.

 

Jensen looked up sharply. “Yeah?”

 

“I know that we’re different and that we don’t know each other well.” Jared struggled with his words, not sure what to say, just knowing he had to say something. “But I want you to know that I like you and that I want this marriage to work. I don’t want us to be strangers who coexist. I want us to be a couple.”

 

Jensen looked like Jared had just hit him over the head with a hammer. When he managed to get his expression under control again, it was softer than usual. “I would like that too, Jared. And yes, we are different but I’m sure we can make it work.”

 

Jared couldn’t stop the smile from breaking out across his face and when Jensen smiled back at him, he thought he’d explode from happiness. Jensen wanted this to work. They would make it work.

 

“That’s great. And I know that our countries are different, that our customs are different, especially when it comes to weddings.” Jared said. There was the getting married under the full moon, the rings made out of silver instead of gold that Jensen's people wore. “But I like that we’re mixing our traditions and I’m glad that we’re doing what’s important to your people too.”

 

Jensen nodded slowly but his face was serious. “You have been very generous with the wedding customs but you don’t need to do that. I am here now, so we will do whatever Scayen tradition expects. I know what’s expected of me.” Jensen stopped, licked his lips and then took a deep breath, like he was bracing himself. “I know what I have to do and of course I will do it.”

 

“What? No! We will mix our wedding customs,” Jared said. He didn’t want to take something important away from Jensen and honestly, Jared didn’t care what color his ring was or when they got married. “We will do everything that’s important to you Jensen, I promise. Mistress Kim talked everything through with your people and I think it’s great. I totally understand if you want to adhere to your customs, that’s no trouble.”

 

“Really?” Jensen asked incredulously. “You don’t mind?”

 

Jared thought it was a bit weird to get so worked up about wedding traditions but then they might just be more important in Alenda. “I don’t mind at all, Jensen,” he said. “I want you to be happy and comfortable and I think it’s only fair if we honor both our countries traditions.”

 

Jensen looked incredibly relieved when he smiled at Jared. “I think that’s fair, to find a middle ground. Intimacy is sacred to my people and I appreciate you understanding this.”

 

Jared didn’t know exactly what Jensen meant but he didn’t want to ruin the moment by asking so he just smiled and nodded. He’d definitely have a look at those books.

 

“Here you are!” Mistress Kim’s voice cut through the quiet of the garden. “Prince Jared, you'll have enough alone time with Prince Jensen when you’re married and right now, you have a wedding party to entertain.”

 

Jared grumbled but got up from the bench. Jensen followed suite.

 

“Let’s go entertain people then, shall we?”

 

“Let’s,” Jensen answered with a strained smile. Jared empathized, he didn’t want to do it either, but they had to.

 

The rest of the day passed in a blur. Everybody wanted to congratulate him, wanted to talk to him. People from all over the country had come to see Jared get married. There was food and wine, everybody drank, made jokes — most of them dirty — and gave Jared advice — also mostly dirty — that he hadn’t needed since he was fifteen. About half the court insisted on toasting to Jared’s new husband and it would be rude not to drink with them. Jared only took tiny sips but when it was time for the actual wedding ceremony, he was slightly buzzed.

 

Usually, Jared’s people got married under the midday sun but as a concession to Jensen, they would say their vows with the rising moon.

 

It was dark and late, half the guests well on their way to drunk when Jared and Jensen stood in the largest of the castle’s courtyards, and the high priestess of Scayen performed the wedding ceremony.

 

Jared and Jensen held hands and she said the words of blessings, weaving her magic around their hands until the rings appeared around their fingers, spun from bright white light. A golden one for Jensen and a silver one, like it was customary in Alenda, for Jared.

 

“You may kiss now,” the high priestess said with a smile.

 

Jensen tilted his head up and took a step towards Jared. Encouraged by Jensen taking the first step, Jared leaned down to meet Jensen's mouth and reached out to grip him by the waist.

 

Jensen’s lips were warm and soft and Jared couldn’t help but linger. So did Jensen. Neither of them moved away, the people in the courtyard started cheering and Jared was so happy, he moved closer to Jensen and tilted his head to fit their mouths closer together. As far as kisses went, it was pretty awesome.

 

When he forced himself to pull back, Jensen’s lips were red and there was a slight flush high on his cheeks. Jared couldn’t stop himself from grinning. He pulled Jensen to his side by the shoulder and started waving to the crowd who waved and cheered back.

 

Then Chad appeared next to him, two glasses in his hands and they toasted. The rest of the night was a whirlwind of more drinks, music and dancing. At some point Felicia came over, took Jared’s wine glass away from him and when he protested, reminded him that it was his wedding night and that he maybe didn’t want to make a complete fool out of himself.

 

The terrifying thought of that sobered Jared up halfway and when he saw Jensen dancing with Danneel, moving over the dance floor to some hard, unknown beat, it made his blood sing for what was to come. When the music stopped, Jensen came over and pulled him to the dance floor and, with Danneel’s help, showed him a simple Alendan dance step. Chad joined them and in the spirit of an inter-country wedding, Danneel seemed to shelve her hostility and actually danced with Chad who smiled like a besotted idiot. When Jared looked at Jensen, he could relate.

 

When Jared’s parents retired to their rooms, Jared knew he and Jensen could finally leave the festivities. His brother teased him mercilessly about falling over his feet in his hurry to get Jensen into bed, but Jared was in too good a mood to care.

 

“You realize all the payback you’re getting when you finally manage to marry,” Jared yelled over his shoulder at Jeff who just laughed.

 

Wedding negotiations for the heir and subsequent next queen of Scayen were infinitely more complicated, so Jeff was still single. Looking at Jensen, Jared felt much superior to his poor unmarried brother.

 

When he reached Jensen, he was pulled into another dance and Jensen’s smile was so bright, Jared couldn’t say no. They danced and drank and danced, until he was tired and sweaty and dizzy and sat down on a bench next to Jensen. Their shoulders were brushing and no one was around them. They had a rare moment of quiet.

 

“Shall we go?” Jared asked and took Jensen’s left hand. His thumb brushed the golden ring and it made his heart swell with happiness.

 

“Are you tired already?” Jensen asked, a gentle mocking in his voice.

 

Jared grinned. “Sure, let’s call it that.”

 

Jensen shook his head but his expression seemed fond. “Alright, let’s get you to bed.”

 

“Yes please,” Jared murmured and followed Jensen out of the hall. Behind him, he heard the lewd whistling but he couldn’t be bothered to turn around because Jensen was still holding his hand in a firm grip.

 

So Jared just raised his free arm, part gesture of triumph, part showing his friends the finger and stumbled after Jensen to their rooms.

 

Their new bedroom was dominated by a giant four poster bed, thin gauze acting as protection against mosquitos that could be a nuisance in spring. There was a fireplace for the cool winter nights and a giant bathing alcove in the wall, next to a balcony. Through the open windows, the full moon bathed everything in a soft silvery light.

 

“You like it?” Jared asked when Jensen looked around.

 

Jensen nodded hesitantly. “Do you not have screens for undressing?”

 

“Screens?” Jared asked confused. “We don’t need screens.” To make his point he stepped into Jensen’s space and leaned down to kiss him.

 

He got lost in the kiss, only snapped out of it when Jensen stumbled back, holding his shoulders. Huh. Maybe Jared was drunker than he thought.

 

“Damn moose,” Jensen mumbled, whatever that meant, but his fingers lingered on Jared’s shoulders.

 

Jared grinned and searched out Jensen’s mouth again while he started tugging at the buttons of his vest. How Jensen could wear so many layers in the heat was beyond him but he’d just enjoy getting him out of all of them. If he could just make his damn fingers open the buttons.

 

But Jensen stepped back. “Jared stop. You need to lie down.”

 

“Okay,” Jared said gamely. If Jensen wanted to run this show, Jared was more than happy to let him. He walked back to the bed and let himself fall down backwards on it, propped up on his elbows.

 

“You should probably take your clothes off,” Jensen said dryly.

 

“I thought you were going to do that.” Jared tried for a seductive grin but Jensen didn’t seem impressed.

 

“I will help with the shoes, then you’re on your own.”

 

“Lying down, undressing, you should make up your mind,” Jared grumbled but when Jensen came over to help him pull off his sandals, Jared started wrestling out of his shirt.

 

“Okay, this is all I can do for you,” Jensen said and stepped back.

 

“Huh?”

 

“I unlaced your shoes,” Jensen said, “but you’ll have to get them off yourself.”

 

It took him a few times but Jared managed, then he took off his shirt. He saw Jensen watching and smiled.

 

“You too.”

 

“What?” Jensen asked.

 

Jared leaned forward and reached for Jensen. He lost his balance and they tumbled down on the bed.

 

“Jared, what are you doing?” Jensen sounded slightly winded.

 

Jared managed to roll Jensen over to lean over him, reaching for the buttons again. “I am taking your clothes off.”

 

Jensen pushed Jared back and wrestled out from under him. “How drunk are you?”

 

“Not that drunk,” Jared protested. “Definitely not too drunk for this.” He reached for Jensen again but once again Jensen pulled back.

 

“Jared, you said… you said you’d respect my traditions.” Jensen stared at him with an expression that looked almost betrayed.

 

“I did, didn’t I? We did the whole moonrise ceremony, silver ring thing.” In proof, he held up his hand. “Was there anything else? Did we forget something?”

 

Jensen stared at him, completely aghast. “That... I wasn’t talking about the ceremony, or the rings. I was talking about intimacy.”

 

“What?”

 

“Sex, Jared,” Jensen bit out. ”I was talking about how intimacy is sacred for my people and we don’t have sex with strangers like your people do.”

 

“Oh.” Jared was stumped. This was new to him. “I didn't…”

 

“Obviously.” Jensen crossed his arms across his chest. “So all this talk about respecting and knowing my customs, you had no idea.”

 

“I—”

 

“Did you even try to learn anything about my people before I came here?”

 

Guiltily, Jared thought back to the thin book he’d skimmed once. “I…”

 

Jensen glared. “So everything you said before, was that all talk?

 

“No, I meant it!” Jared protested.

 

“And yet, you have no idea. You talk but it doesn’t mean anything.”

 

“Jensen—”

 

“And you’re drunk. On your wedding night. When you wanted to have sex with me.” Jensen’s glare was withering.

 

Jared felt like the worst husband in history. “Jen—”

 

“No.” Jensen cut him off harshly. “You know what, I thought I could do this, I was _prepared_ to do this, with you, everything it took. I was ready to ignore every value I was raised on, to betray my entire belief system to get married to you your way. But not like this.” Jensen shook his head, then scoffed. “You said you wanted to honor my customs? Well, one of them is that you don’t bare yourself to people you don’t know, you don’t trust. Intimacy is a privilege. So guess what, we’re not doing this,” Jensen waved between them.

 

Jared opened his mouth to say something but he didn’t want to make it worse.

 

“You can have the bed,” Jensen said coldly. “I’ll find another place to sleep.” With that, Jensen turned and walked out of the door leading to his new private rooms, slamming the door behind him.

 

Jared fell back on the bed, feeling nauseous, and it wasn’t from the alcohol. How had he fucked up so badly?

 


	3. Part Two

 

 

 

 

 

“So… how’s it going with the new hubby?” Chad was leaning against the doorjamb, looking at Jared worriedly.

 

Jared would probably worry too if he saw his best friend lying spread eagle on a sofa, his feet dangling over the high curved armrest, two dinners untouched before him on a low table and a bottle of wine with two glasses, one almost empty, the other one unused.

 

“Hubby said he wasn’t hungry and he was tired so he went to bed early.”

 

“Shit.” Chad walked over and let himself fall down on the sofa next to Jared’s head. “You mind?”

 

Jared didn’t look up, just waved a hand at Chad. “Help yourself.”

 

For a while the only sounds were Chad eating. Then he put the plate down and poured himself a glass of wine. “Not that I’m drunk enough for this shit but have you guys even done it yet? I mean, you did spend last night in one bed, right?”

 

“I wish.” Jared did not want to remember his wedding night. Not at all. Usually, consummating the marriage was the final step of getting married in Scayen. Without it, the marriage wasn’t exactly invalid but it wasn’t off to a good start either. “Then again, he might have killed me if we’d actually shared a bed.”

 

Slowly, Chad turned to Jared. “What?”

 

“He looked at me like I was a sand bug when I tried to touch him.” Jared did not want to remember the cold look in Jensen’s eyes. 

 

“Okay, what did you do?” Chad asked.

 

“Why do you think I did something?” Jared asked mulishly.

 

Chad huffed. “Because during the party you guys looked cozy enough and Jensen was smiling at you when you guys danced, like he liked you a lot.”

 

“He was?” Jared asked, suddenly feeling hopeful again. If Jensen had liked him before last night, maybe there was a chance to repair their strained relationship.

 

“Yes, he was all moonstruck and lovey-dovey,” Chad said impatiently. “Now tell me what happened.”

 

“Well,” Jared started slowly. “I was kind of drunk.”

 

“Not that bad,” Chad argued.

 

“No, but bad enough that I didn’t see that he didn’t want to sleep with me. That he thought we wouldn’t have sex. He honestly thought he was just helping me to bed because I was drunk.”

 

Jared had spent the entire day running through what happened last night again and again and he was pretty sure he figured out what had gone wrong.

 

“But why did he think you weren’t gonna fuck?” Chad asked, succinct as ever. “And more importantly, why wouldn’t he want to?”

 

“Apparently, intimacy is a big deal in Alenda. You don’t sleep with people you don’t know or trust.”

 

“Shit.” Chad’s comment was heartfelt.

 

“Yeah.” Jared felt his cheeks burning when he thought of the next part. “And he thought I knew because I had said I’d respect his traditions. I was thinking of the ceremony but Jensen was thinking about sex. And then, when we figured out we’d sort of talked past each other, he got really mad that I promised respect but that I hadn’t even bothered to learn anything about him and his people.”

  
“Hey, he can’t expect you to become an Alenda expert,” Chad said, having Jared’s back as always. “And they did ask about wedding stuff, right? I mean, Mistress Kim knew about the Alendan stuff for the wedding. Nobody told her about no sex.”

 

“I know,” Jared groaned. “But Jensen’s right. I mean I didn’t even read the books Felicia gave me. And he thought he was just getting his drunk husband to bed and instead I tried to grope him and — man, it was horrible.  _ I _ was horrible.”

 

For a long, painful moment, Chad was silent. Then he clapped his hands. “Alright, enough moping. Did you apologize?”

 

“Yes.” Jared tried not to think about that either. “He didn’t seem placated.”

 

“What did you say?”

 

“I told him that I was really sorry and that I didn’t think the differences between our customs would be so vast but that I’d of course respect every one of his wishes.”

 

Chad nodded along. “That’s good.”

 

“And then he told me that he heard me and that he appreciated that. In a voice that clearly said he didn’t appreciate  _ anything _ about me.” Jared flinched just from the memory.

 

“Harsh,” Chad commented.

 

“So I tried to make conversation but he was… you know how Alendans are reserved?”

 

Chad nodded.

 

Jared pulled a grimace. “Jensen before last night was downright open and cheerful compared to today.”

 

“Yikes.” Chad made a face, probably identical to Jared’s.

 

“So then he left early, the dinner I mean, and when I said I’d see him later…” Jared shuddered at the memory. “If looks could kill, I’d be a heap of bleached bones out in the desert, I swear.”

 

Chad pulled his head back with wide eyes. “Why?”

 

“He said that I wouldn’t see him later because he had no intention of sharing a bed with me. Because apparently that falls under intimacy too. And I tried to apologize, for not getting it, and he just — he looked so…”

 

“Angry?” Chad suggested. “Murderous?”

 

“He looked defeated,” Jared said miserably. “Like there was no chance I’d ever get it. And that I didn’t even want to try.”

 

“But that’s not true! Seriously, Jay, everybody who knows you knows that you’re the nicest guy and you always try to make everybody happy.” Chad made a disapproving face. “Jensen should give you a chance.”

 

“He might just think I’m an asshole. Honestly, I wouldn’t blame him.”

 

“Then I will,” Chad said decisively. “Now get your sorry butt off the couch, we’re going for a ride.”

 

Grumbling, Jared got up. He didn’t mind actually, a ride sounded perfect, but when Chad bossed him around, he at least needed to put on the pretext of resistance. Not that Chad didn’t see right through him.

 

 

 

 

 

That night, Jared went to bed alone. He didn’t want to sleep alone in his marital bed but he didn’t want his family to know either. And if he at least slept in his new rooms, it would decrease the chances his parents would find out about the disaster his marriage was turning into. 

 

The next morning, he finally opened the books Felicia had given him. After the catastrophe of the wedding night, he really needed to be more informed. Unfortunately, the books didn’t hold a lot of information. Apparently, the people of Alenda were very closed-mouthed about their way of life. There were books on Alendan geography, wildlife and architecture. One book described recipes, which Jared quickly discarded. Two books dealt with their spiritual culture, which involved a lot of mountain and elemental spirits. The worship of the mother goddess wasn’t as important in Alenda as it was in Scayen. Jared skipped those as well. The only two books left were travel diaries from Scayen merchants. One was written in a handwriting so old, Jared had trouble reading it. The other one was from a merchant who’d brought dried fruits to Alenda. He described their eating and their hunting habits at length but remarked that he’d despaired of their reticence. There seemed to be no affection between Alendans and they were a quiet people. During meals, no one said a word while the bard played.

 

Oh. That explained why Jensen had been so confused by the people talking during the banquet.

 

The book ended with the merchant describing a feast he’d been invited to and how after the meal, the Alendans had celebrated, had drunk and danced to a very rhythmic, drum-heavy music.

 

Great. There was nothing in there that was going to help him with Jensen. Jared let his head thump down on the table. He’d just have to talk to Jensen. 

 

 

It proved to be more difficult than he’d thought. They’d been married for a week, but he’d only seen his husband during meals at official state events. Jensen avoided Jared and because Jared didn’t want his parents to know how bad the marriage was going, he didn’t try to discuss their relationship during meals. He didn’t think his parents would let the official relations with Alenda suffer over marital discord but they had married for better relations between their countries. Jared knew that his parents counted on him to do his part and he wasn’t prepared to let them down. There still had to be a way to make things right with Jensen, get them at least to a friendly level, and he wasn’t telling his parents about his problems unless he’d tried every avenue. Unfortunately, Jensen wasn’t making it easy.

 

The Alendan guests were still at the castle, and Jensen spent every waking moment with Danneel and Chris in the gardens, down at the market that was being held to celebrate the wedding or somewhere Jared wasn’t. 

 

Tonight was the official farewell dinner because Danneel, Lady Brianna and the rest of the Alendan guests would leave tomorrow. 

 

Jared had asked Robert to play during dinner, and even though everybody from Scayen watched in confusion and some people still tried to converse during the music, Jensen shot Jared a look that might be interpreted as grateful. Danneel leaned over to Jensen and whispered something into his ear and Jensen nodded. Then Danneel turned to Jared and smiled at him, the friendliest expression he’d ever received from her.

 

“Oh man,” Chad murmured from his other side. “How can a person be so beautiful?”

 

Jared stared at Jensen and shook his head. “No idea.”

 

Then he forced his eyes away from Jensen and looked at Danneel, trying to see what had Chad so captivated. Usually, Chad didn’t pine over a woman. He’d had crushes, raved about them and flirted shamelessly but he never pined. 

 

Danneel was a beautiful woman, no doubt. Her long, auburn hair framed her face in soft waves and her high apple cheeks and full lips softened the lofty expression on her face. She was dressed in Alenda fashion and contrary to a lot of the loose and billowing clothes the women in Scayen wore, her clothes were just as covering and just as tight as Jensen’s were. The dress she wore accentuated her round hips and thin waist and despite no cleavage, Jared could see more of her breasts than he could with Scayen women. The row of tiny, glinting buttons running down the front of the dress from hem to collar only accentuated her figure.

 

“It’s like she’s naked, except she’s dressed,” Chad mused absentmindedly. “Like I should be able to see her body but can’t.”

 

Jared pinched Chad in the side, hard. Chad jumped.

 

“Don’t embarrass yourself. Drooling at fourteen is cute, at twenty-two, it’s just embarrassing.”

 

Chad glared at him for a moment, then he looked back at her, face full of wonder. “I didn’t think a woman could be so beautiful.”

 

“She’s very pretty,” Jared agreed.

 

“Pretty?” Chad whispered. “She’s not pretty! She’s magnificent, ethereal, otherworldly, stunningly exquisite, she —.”

 

“Get your act together, man. You’re Chad Michael Murray, future twenty-seventh count of Mons Arbor, and the most savvy heartbreaker in our generation.”

 

Chad straightened his shoulders. “You’re right. Thanks man.”

 

Jared suppressed a grin. “No problem.”

 

“I still don’t think she’ll kiss me.”

 

Jared looked at the tight line of her back, the guarded expression of her face, matching Jensen’s perfectly. “No, I don’t think so either,” Jared said.

 

When Chad remained unusually quiet, Jared remembered the conversation they’d had when Jared had crushed on Jensen.

 

“But you know, Jensen and I are married now. Chances are good she’ll come back here to visit him.”

 

Chad’s half-smile said that he knew exactly what Jared was doing but was thankful anyway.

 

Later that night, they danced. Jared asked Jensen, because it would look weird if they didn’t dance and Jensen was perfectly polite. So Jared smiled and made small talk and pretended like he was the happiest newlywed for his parents.

 

Chad managed to convince Danneel to dance with him and afterwards, he had the goofiest smile on his face.

 

Jared and Jensen retired to their rooms together, again under the whistling of half the court and when Jensen stepped inside their bedroom with Jared, Jared felt hope bloom in his chest. But Jensen walked straight over to the door leading to his rooms. Jared’s shoulders slumped and he slinked off to bed, tossing and turning from side to side for a long time before he fell asleep. 

 

 

 

 

 

The Alendan party left the next morning after breakfast. In a rare display of affection, Jensen hugged his aunt briefly, who kissed him on the forehead and then he and Danneel gripped each other by the hands and rested their foreheads together. They talked, too quietly for Jared to overhear, then Danneel mounted her horse. Accompanied by Scayen guards, the Alendans rode off, down to the river, where a boat would take them back to their country. 

 

The only ones who remained with Jensen were Chris and a servant. 

 

If Jared had thought anything would change after Danneel was gone, he was disappointed. He saw Jensen whenever his parents hosted a meal, otherwise Jensen remained in his rooms. Jared tried to get Jensen to spend time with him, but most of his invitations were relayed by Chris, as were Jensen’s subsequent rejections. The rare times Jensen did decide to eat with Jared were horrible, stiff and awkward occasions. Jensen asked questions about Scayen spirits Jared couldn’t really answer because he wasn’t a priest; then Jensen asked questions about magic that Jared couldn't answer either because he wasn’t a mage. Jensen seemed strangely despondent by these conversations, and when Jared tried to cheer him up by telling him funny stories about the shenanigans he and Chad had gotten up to as kids, it didn’t have the desired effect.

 

If it weren’t for Chad constantly trying to take Jared’s mind off things — probably his own too — Jared might go crazy. 

 

“So, what’s Jensen doing the whole day, if he’s not with you?” Chad asked when they were sitting together, playing cards.

 

“I actually have no idea.” Jared still hadn’t decided if he should be worried or angry about this. “I mean, I ask him every day to do something with me, but either he’s not feeling well or he’s busy, with what I don’t know. He’s in his room all the time, holed up with Chris. I swear, every time Chris opens the door, there’s more pity on his face.”

 

“I thought that guy could only scowl,” Chad threw in.

 

Jared ignored it. He did not want to think about Chris breaking his perpetual scowl in the face of Jared’s pathetic-ness. “The only thing I do know is,” he continued instead, “that he goes swimming every morning.”

 

Jared had only discovered it by accident. The day after the Alendans left, Jensen had declined Jared’s invitation for a meal. Jared had realized that Jensen didn’t want to spend any time with him, and Jared had been disappointed and angry and just plain hurt, so he’d decided to go for a night ride. He’d saddled Jova, without waking the stable boy. Despite the late hour, she’d bumped her head against his chest in familiar camaraderie. Scratching the favorite spot behind her ears like she was a cat and swinging himself into the saddle never failed to give him comfort. When he rode out of the stables, the moon had been bright and the air warm. The peak of summer had only just passed and nights were only marginally cooler than the hot days.

 

Jared had ridden out of the palace, out of the city. He took the path along the river that gave their city life, the water bathed in silver moonlight. He urged Jova into a sharp gallop, trying to leave all his worries behind as he pushed both of them to exhaustion. He only stopped when they reached the bridge Jensen's people had crossed when they’d come here. Jared turned Jova around and let her set the pace for the way back. The water level was low and the flow was sluggish, as if even the river’s spirit tired in the heat. Jova chose to walk along the shallow banks, the warm water washing around her hooves.

 

When Jared had gotten back, his clothes were sticky with sweat and dirt. The sun was just starting to rise, the palace filled with the weak light of dawn. Jared had walked down to the baths. There were several long swimming pools and a waterfall designed to imitate nature. 

 

The baths were reserved for members of the royal household, so when he’d heard the rhythmic splashing of water, he’d stopped. He didn’t think anyone went for morning swims besides his brother. But Jeff had left directly after the wedding to take care of some trade negotiations in the east.

 

To Jared’s surprise, it had been Jensen, who was swimming laps in the longest pool. His movements were strong and sure, from obvious years of practice. It surprised Jared because Jensen’s country only enjoyed a short time during the year warm enough to thaw the lakes. And the sea was cold and volatile, only braved by the most experienced seamen. Jared hadn’t thought swimming would be a common form of exercise in Alenda.  Yet Jensen seemed to be an excellent swimmer.

 

Jared considered saying something to make himself known, but Jensen’s cold expression and curt words from the wedding night were still ringing in his ears, so he walked back to his rooms without saying a word.

 

He’d inquired with the servants afterwards, and he was told that Jensen swam every morning. But apart from that, the itinerary of Jensen’s day remained a mystery. 

 

“You should talk to him,” Chad said, startling Jared out of his memories. “I mean, you are going to spend the rest of your lives together. Or at least, you know, married.”

 

Jared groaned. “I know. And trust me, I tried, but he’s just so… cold.”

 

Chad snorted. “That’s a really bad pun.”

 

“Fine,” Jared snapped. “Stuck up, arrogant, self-absorbed, rude, snobbish, conceited, unapproachable. You want more?”

 

For a moment, there was silence and when Jared craned his neck around, he saw Chad looking at him in alarm. “Dude, harsh. He’s your husband.”

 

“So? I know I messed up but I’m trying to make things right here. And he’s not even giving me an inch.”

 

Chad looked a little uncomfortable, like he always did when he had to talk about serious things. “He’s been here two weeks and most of the people he knew just left. This must all be new to him, so, I don’t know, cut him some slack?”

 

“Hey, I’ve been trying! He’s the one not trying at all! And how are you on his side, anyway?” Jared asked mulishly, turning away.

 

“I am always on your side. And your side will be much happier if you have a good relationship with your hubby. So, I’m just saying. Give it time. Why are you so negative about it anyway?”

 

“Because it sucks,” Jared said, fully aware of how juvenile he sounded. Jared was twenty-one, not fourteen, a prince of an ancient and noble house.

 

But admitting exactly why Jensen’s behaviour hurt him so much would be worse. Jared had a hard time admitting to himself that Jensen’s behavior cut so deep because Jared had imagined their marriage so very differently. He’d dreamed of a happy marriage because he’d been infatuated with Jensen from the start. His behavior and infatuation with Jensen had even become a common topic of jokes among his friends. He’d even carved their initials into the mythical tree of eternal love in Mons Arbor after Jensen’s first visit, for fuck’s sake.

 

“You’re aware you sound like a child, right?” Chad said, voice more serious than he usually was.

 

“Why are you so worried all of a sudden?” Jared was annoyed. Where was his happy-go-lucky, unconcerned, everything-was-a-joke-to-him friend when he needed him?

 

“Because I’ve never seen you sulk like this,” Chad said. “And because my parents’ marriage is exactly like this. Two people who don’t understand each other and never bothered to figure it out.”

 

That made Jared draw up short. Chad never talked about his parents. Jared knew things at home weren’t great, Chad had taken every opportunity to stay at court, and not only for the parties and Jared’s company. Chad hated going home with a passion. He’d told Jared about his parent’s hostile marriage once, years ago when they were drunk and they’d never talked about it again. For Chad to bring it up now…

 

“So what do I do?” Jared asked.

 

“Talk to him. Figure out what’s shoving that stick up his ass. I mean, maybe you’re just unlucky, and he’s really an ass, but you gotta try.” 

 

Chad was right, Jared was acting like a spoilt child. 

 

Jared rubbed the heels of his hands over his eyes. “I’ve been imagining marrying him for so long, it just hurts, you know?”

 

Chad slapped him on the shoulder. “I know. I still remember vividly how you practically drooled over him at every dinner when we were kids.”

 

Jared groaned. 

 

“Don’t worry, you’ve always been an adorable puppy.” The asshole actually laughed. “You’ll be fine.” 

 

Jared sat up. It was time to stop moping. “You’ll help me, right?”

 

Chad looked at him dubiously. “You want my help with a relationship?” Chad’s track record with relationships was that he didn’t have any. Chad had flings. Clandestine meetings. Casual agreements. Secret affairs. Chad had all kinds of things but he never had relationships.

 

Jared made a face. Chad had a point. “I should talk to Felicia.”

 

Felicia was a master at relationships. She’d had numerous, and all went well and ended amicably. Jared would suspect she used her magic to ease things along but a mage’s powers couldn’t influence humans. Felicia claimed she was just very intuitive and empathic.

 

Chad nodded. “You really should.”

 

 

 

 

 

Felicia was in her study, as always pouring over a thick leather bound book.

 

She raised her head and looked at him in surprise. “You’re leaving your marriage bed?”

 

“Haha,” Jared let himself fall into a thick armchair. “I’m not Chad.”

 

He looked to see if Felicia’s cat was around. Petting her was always a good distraction, but Sorry was nowhere to be seen.

 

Felicia grinned. “No, but you have been raving over Jensen's beauty for years.”

  
“Speaking of beauty,” Jared said. “How are things with Lady Adrianne?”

 

Felicia’s expression darkened. “She left two days after the wedding.”

 

“What? Why? I thought you guys finally got together.”

 

Felicia shrugged. “You know how court politics are. Her parents aren’t going to stay at court and they ordered her to come home with them.”

 

“That sucks. Even though you asked her to stay?”

 

“It’s a bit early for that.”

 

At that, Jared sat up. “No. No Felicia. You are my relationship advisor, you are the person who has her shit together. You cannot fail at a relationship!”

 

Felicia huffed. “I’m not failing, we’re just not there yet.”

 

Jared narrowed his eyes at her. “What’s going on?”

 

“Nothing.” She managed to hold his eyes for a moment, then she looked away. “Fine. She said some things about her parents not liking relationships with commoners.”

 

“You’re the third mage of the court.”

 

“And my mother was a washer, and no one knows who my father was.”

 

“Shit. What are you going to do?”

 

Felicia sat up straight. “I’ll write letters. Send little magic messages. Maybe I’ll even visit her if I can leave court.”

 

“You’re really serious about her, aren’t you?”

 

Felicia nodded. “I think she might be the one.”

 

“How do you know?” Jared asked curiously. Felicia was a serial monogamist. She had steady relationships, one after another, and she’d never talked about someone like this.

 

“It’s a feeling.” Felicia looked into the flames dancing merrily in her fireplace. “Obviously, she’s smart and funny, and strong, and so very, very beautiful. But there’s also this feeling.”

 

“Is it magic?”

 

She gave him a peeved look. “Not everything’s about magic. Sometimes you just know. Didn't you know with Jensen?

 

“I thought I did,” Jared admitted. “When my parents told me they’d picked him, I was so happy, I was so sure it would work out. Now, I’m not so sure.”

 

“Look, I know you were off to a rocky start,” Felicia said, “but you’re a lovable guy. You just need to give him some time to adjust.”

 

Jared gave her a despairing look. “Our start was more than rocky.”

 

Alarmed, Felicia looked at him. “What do you mean?”

 

So Jared told her. About the conversation about wedding traditions, about how he thought he was getting it right, how well the actual wedding feast had gone. And then he told her, in merciless details, how the wedding night had gone. He told her about his attempts at apology and Jensen’s unwillingness to accept them.

 

“I know I messed up,” Jared concluded. “But he’s not even trying to move past it. And I feel like I’m trying all the time and he just isn’t!”

 

Felicia sighed. “Look, Jensen might just need time to adjust.”

 

“Yeah, well, he could do that without being an ass.” Jared crossed his arms in front of his chest. “I don’t get why he can’t just talk to me!”

 

Felicia held up her hands placatingly. “I’m not saying Jensen’s not at fault here, too. But Alendans are different. They don’t really talk about feelings, about weaknesses. Look, Jensen gave up his entire life to come here. Everything is different. I know you’ve never left Scayen but I have.”

 

Felicia had travelled a lot during her education, mostly to other magic convents far away to study magic. 

 

“Don’t underestimate how hard it is to move to another country. Cultural shock is a thing, you know. People get homesick, especially when they don’t understand why the people around them are behaving so differently.”

 

“Okay, I get that. But Jensen said he read up on Scayen before he came here,” Jared said, trying to ignore the feeling of failure that he hadn’t done the same. “He knew all about Chad’s family and stuff.”

 

“Yeah, but reading about it and experiencing it are two different things,” Felicia argued. “Just take it easy on him and talk to him?”

 

“I tried.”

 

“Well then try harder,” Felicia said exasperatedly. “Just imagine if you had gone to Alenda.”

 

“I wouldn’t have—”

 

“Imagine,” Felicia interrupted him, “You’d be in a place without any of your friends or family, without your horse, your bed, your clothes. Imagine all the food would be different and you couldn’t just sneak off to the kitchen to steal coconut cookies. Image you’d be cold, all the time, and when you talk to people about sunshine and bathing in the oasis, no one would get it.”

 

It sounded terrible, Jared realized that. He was lucky that he got to stay home, that Jensen had come here.

 

“But there’d be other stuff I could do, other food I could eat. Scayen has so much to offer!”

 

“Then try to show Jensen that,” Felicia said softly. “And don’t expect him to love everything new immediately.”

 

Jared took a deep breath. Felicia was right. This must all be confusing to Jensen. “Okay. I will try harder.” 

 

“Good,” Felicia said, then turned pointedly back to her book. “Just try somewhere else.”

 

Jared grinned and walked over to Felicia, enveloping her into a tight hug. He knew what it meant that she’d stopped her studies for him. “Thanks, you’re the best.”

 

“Yeah, yeah,” Felicia grumbled. “But don’t overwhelm him with all your lovey-dovey feelings!” She yelled after him when he walked out.

 

“I don’t have lovey-dovey feelings!” he yelled back indignantly.

 

“Li-ar,” Felicia singsong. 

 

Jared hurried away. He really should stop confiding in his friends. They were all terrible teases.

 

 

 

 

 

The next morning, Jared sent Jensen an invitation to have breakfast with him. Jensen had taken to eating alone unless Jared's parents held a dinner in the great hall. Richard, Jensen’s servant, had apparently appointed himself Jensen’s personal cook, and had made himself at home in the palace kitchens. Sam had grumbled about suddenly not being good enough, so Jared had spent half an hour smoothing her ruffled feathers by telling her how much Jensen needed the comfort of home after his move to Scayen. Sam’s expression had softened and she’d grudgingly admitted Richard to her kitchen. 

 

Even though Jared half expected Jensen to make excuses again, he did show up in the room that was supposed to be part of their shared apartment. Jared had chosen the room next to the bedroom, the one opening up to a large terrace under a big awning that provided shade in the heat. Jensen was wearing dark, soft looking pants made from a dense cloth and a beige long sleeved shirt, buttoned up to his throat as always. Jared got warm just looking at it. At least Jensen wasn’t wearing a vest or a jacket.

 

Jared invited him to sit. “So, I wasn't sure what you like so I had the cook bring up a selection,” he said and pointed at the table. “Are you familiar with all of this yet?”

 

Jensen’s face was a polite facade. “I visited your country a few years ago. I remember.”

 

“Oh, yeah, of course. I just… please, sit.”

 

Jensen sat down at the table and Jared poured him orange juice. Jensen didn’t touch his glass. Instead he took a bread roll, cut it open, and smeared it with raspberry jam.

 

“So,” Jared said while he heaped his plate full with food, scrambling to find a conversation topic. Then he remembered that this was maybe all different from what Jensen was used to and it might be a good start to figure out how things went in Alenda. “What breakfast food do you have in Alenda?”

 

Jensen looked surprised by the question. “We have bread too, but we eat it with cheese or meat.”

 

“Meat?” Jared asked confused. “For breakfast?”

 

Jensen nodded. “Cold cuts, or smoked ham. We also have warm porridge.”

 

On the table, a mix of jams, honey, vegetable spreads, bread rolls, and sweet cakes made up a typical Scayen breakfast.

 

“So, how weird is this for you?” Jared asked, trying to imagine eating meat for breakfast.

 

Jensen shrugged. “It takes some getting used to. But it’s good food.”

 

Jared smiled. “Awesome. Do you also like the juice?” Jensen hadn’t touched his glass yet. “We also have other juices if you don’t like orange. I can get you grapefruit or apple or—”

 

“It’s fine,” Jensen cut in. “I usually just have coffee for breakfast.”

 

“Coffee?” Jared sputtered. “But that’s for afternoon meal. To energize you after midday rest.”

 

“Or to wake you up in the morning,” Jensen said. “Besides, back home we have warm drinks for every meal.”

 

Considering it was freezing cold in Jensen’s homeland that made sense. Well, even if it was weird, Jared thought Jensen should have whatever he wanted for breakfast. 

 

He rang the bell, and Matt, Jared’s personal attendant, appeared. “Jensen would like coffee with his breakfast.”

 

Matt was too good at his job to show surprise on his face, instead he just nodded. 

 

Jared turned to Jensen. “Is there anything else you’d like? I’m sure they can get you any kind of meat, if you like. I’m sure there’s cured ham, and probably leftover chicken from last night, or...”

 

Jared stopped, distracted by the small smile on Jensen’s face. It made Jared’s heart flutter. Score.

 

“Milk for the coffee,” Jensen said softly. “And I actually like your way of doing breakfast.”

 

Jared beamed and chose to ignore the weirdness of Jensen’s request for milk. Milk in coffee, who even thought of these things? It sounded disgusting to Jared, but if it would make Jensen happy, then he’d get milk for his coffee.

 

The rest of the meal passed in a comfortable atmosphere. Jared told Jensen about all the things they’d be able to do in the city and the surrounding countryside. Scayen had so many great things to offer and he’d do his best to make Jensen fall in love with his new home.

 

“I thought we could take a ride sometime and I can show you around?”

 

Jensen nodded. “Sure, yes.” He seemed to be uncomfortable but Jared couldn’t figure out why and he didn’t want to pry. He chose to change the subject instead. An idea had just occurred to him when he saw Jensen surreptitiously wipe his brow.

 

“I’m gonna send Mark by later,” Jared said to Jensen.

 

“Mark?” Jensen asked, slightly puzzled.

 

Jared nodded enthusiastically. “Yeah, he’s the court tailor. He can make you new clothes.”

 

The clothes Jensen wore were just too hot and it was no wonder he was sweating in them. He must be incredibly uncomfortable. Maybe that was why he was is such a foul mood so often and didn’t want to leave his rooms?

 

Jensen froze. “What's wrong with my clothes?”

 

Jared gestured at Jensen’s long sleeved shirt and his thick pants. He probably didn’t have any other clothes.

 

“You can't be comfortable in those. Mark can make you new clothes, trust me, he’s the best.”

 

Jensen’s eyebrows rose toward his hairline. “So that I can walk around dressed like you?” He said it like Jared was wearing a burlap sack and not fine linen pants and a sleeveless shirt with a deep, finely embroidered v-neck.

 

“What’s wrong with  _ my _ clothes?” Jared asked, confused.

 

“They’re indecent,” Jensen said, almost sounding scandalous. “I accept that I now live in a country where people choose to expose their skin to everyone but I don’t have to adopt every one of your customs.”

 

Jared gaped. He’d had no idea that showing skin was something indecent for Jensen’s people, he’d always assumed they just covered themselves up because of the cold.

 

“But Jensen,” he tried, “it’s too hot for your clothes. You’ll feel much better in clothes like ours.”

 

Jensen snorted. “Just because I moved here doesn’t mean that I have to forget every value I was raised with. I will certainly not run around half naked.”

 

Jared opened his mouth, then shut it again. Silence fell over the table. Jared had no idea how to deal with this and Jensen didn’t seem inclined to discuss this further. Great. 

 

“So, about our ride later,” Jared tried.

 

On cue, Jensen stood from the table. “I think I’ll go back to my rooms now, I’m tired.”

 

Jared just closed his mouth and nodded. He knew when he was being rejected. Just two weeks with Jensen, and he’d had a lot of practice with it.

 

 

 

 

 

“The talking doesn’t work.” 

 

Felicia looked up from the thick, old book she was studying. “Why hello Jared. I am actually busy right now, but since you asked so nicely, of course I have time for your marital problems as soon as I am done with this chapter.”

 

“You’re the best,” Jared said and let himself fall into the thick bolster chair next to Felicia’s desk. Her rooms were a cluster of old furniture laden with books and scrolls in every state; from freshly copied to old, torn manuscripts. Despite the weather, she always had a fire crackling in a big, masterfully carved marble fireplace. The flames had a different color every day; today they were flickering merrily in soft purple and light turquoise.

 

With a snort, Felicia returned to her book. Jared whistled and Felicia’s golden cat Sorry appeared from a corner of the room. Jared always said out of all of Felicia’s friends, he was Sorry’s favorite. Felicia told him that was only because he was a sucker for cuddles. Which was completely true. Jared had slept on the most uncomfortable chairs, getting a crick in his neck because Sorry was a purring heap on his chest.

 

Sorry jumped up into Jared’s lap and he started petting her head. She purred and threw herself around on her back, presenting him with the soft fur of her belly. Apparently magical cats had a proclivity for belly rubs. Jared was happy to oblige.

 

Petting Sorry was soothing. He could let his thoughts drift while she happily purred under his hands. He wasn’t sure how long it was until Felicia put her quill down and slammed her book shut.

 

“So the talking doesn’t work?”

 

Jared nodded. “I don’t know, but we talk, everything’s fine and then I say something, and I have no idea why, but it’s wrong somehow and he just closes off. I mean, the thing with the clothes, maybe I was a bit insensitive there, but honestly he’s gonna get heatstroke and die one of these days!”

 

“Clothes?” Felicia asked in alarm. “What about clothes?”

 

Jared recounted the conversation for her. She was quiet for a moment, obviously pondering what to say. Jared had the feeling she knew something he didn’t.

 

“Jared, as far as I know being clothed is a very integral part of Jensen’s culture. Showing skin, showing it to another person, it’s very intimate.” She worried her lower lip until she obviously came to a decision. “I agree that he probably needs new clothes, but not necessarily a new style. I’ll talk to Mark about it.”

 

Jared sat up, careful not to dislodge Sorry lest he get claws in his leg. “What aren’t you telling me, and more importantly why?”

 

She smiled ruefully. “Because you are married to him and these are things you need to figure out for yourself.”

 

Exasperatedly, Jared let himself fall back into the chair. “You fucking mages. You don’t need to turn every conversation into a riddle.”

 

Felicia laughed heartlessly. “Don’t worry, you’ll figure it out. I have faith in you.”

 

 

In the spirit of figuring things out for himself, Jared went back to the books Felicia had given him. He read them more carefully this time and even thumbed through the ones dealing with spiritual culture. Religion didn’t play a big role in everyday Scayen life, so Jared didn’t expect much help from it. 

 

Apparently, in Alenda, things were different. Jared learned that they called their mages ‘conjurer’ and that they held an important role as communicators between people and the spirits. 

 

In Scayen, people didn’t talk with the spirits. It was the priests and priestesses who communed with the spirits and the goddess and conducted the rituals to earn their benevolence. They officiated weddings and funerals, and on the solstice festival in winter and summer, they led the dance around the bonfire. Their most important role nowadays was the perseverance of magical knowledge and the training of people with the gift to become secular mages, like Felicia. 

 

So that was why Jensen had asked about spirits and magic.  Jared would have to ask Jensen if he wanted to commune with the spirits here, whatever that meant. 

 

All of this, however, didn’t really help. It wasn’t until he remembered that Jensen loved to swim that he had a genius idea. He’d show Jensen the oasis. And he’d take his friends so Jensen could spend more time with people his own age and wouldn’t feel like he was on a romantic date with Jared. It was perfect really. Jensen could indulge in his favorite pastime in a beautiful setting and he wouldn’t feel pressured by Jared. It was the perfect plan.

 

 

As it turned out, Jared’s plan was a disaster. He organized the trip with the other young nobles at court. He hadn’t seen Alona, Traci, and Osric much since the wedding. They were all waiting for Jensen to show up. Jensen arrived at the stables with Chris, his ever present silent shadow. Jared was just about to point out that there’d be no danger, in fact, Alona and Osric were two of the best knights at court, but he kept his mouth shut. He didn’t want to offend Jensen. Then it was time to mount their horses and that’s when the problems started. 

 

Jensen didn’t have a horse. 

 

“You don’t?” Jared asked in surprise. “But how did you get here then?”

 

“Ambassador Carroll brought the horses for my party when she met us at the river,” Jensen explained tersely.

 

Of course. The river Tahl originated in the mountains in Alenda and flowed all the way into Jared’s country before it merged with the ocean. Jensen and his household had come on a ship down the river, of course they wouldn’t have brought horses with them.

 

Chris had apparently already solved the situation for himself and was leading a white gelding, mane cropped short in the style of the palace’s guards horses, out of the stable.

 

“Well, we can definitely send for your horse if you want,” Jared offered, because he didn’t even want to imagine how hard it would have been to leave Jova behind.

 

“Send for my horse?” Jensen asked incredulously.

 

Jared nodded. “Sure. In the meantime I’m sure we can find you a good horse to ride. Jim!”

 

The old equerry was already walking towards them with a chestnut gelding. 

 

Jim presented the horse to Jensen with a nod. “Your majesty, this is Dalen. You’ll find him very well-tempered and reliable.”

 

While Jensen carefully took the reigns, Jared was puzzled at Jim’s choice. Dalen wasn’t a horse usually picked for the royal family. He wasn’t one of the nimble and quick desert horses but a sturdier breed.

 

“Jim, don’t you think Artrax would be better suited for Jensen?” Artrax was Jova’s brother, a jet black stallion and one of the best horses in the stables, and Jensen definitely deserved the best.

 

“Nonsense, Dalen is perfectly fine for today and Artrax is halting, he needs a few days of rest,” Jim cut him off. 

 

Jensen looked uncomfortable by the whole conversation, stiffly holding Dalen’s reins. Before Jared could continue arguing with Jim, Chad called him over to deal with the supplies.

 

Without further discussion of Jensen’s horse, they left shortly after. When they reached the oasis, the next problem emerged. While everyone was undressing down to their underpants, Jensen sat down in the shadow of a large tree, Chris standing close by.

 

“We’re going swimming before lunch,” Jared said when he’d jogged up to him. He’d already taken off his shirt and his shoes, but he was still wearing his pants.

 

“Have fun,” Jensen said, voice stilted.

 

“Don’t you want to join us?” Jared asked incredulously. It was a hot day and the water of the oasis was clear and cool. There was even a little waterfall. 

 

Jensen’s expression remained aloof. “I told you, I don't undress in front of people.”

 

“But you do when you swim,” Jared argued, unable to hide the bafflement in his voice. “And I know you like swimming, I saw you.”

 

“You what?” Jensen’s voice was sharp and Jared realized that maybe he’d made a mistake.

 

“I saw you in the pool one morning,” he tried to explain but even to his own ears it sounded a bit like he’d been spying on Jensen.

 

Jensen paled. “You watched me?” His voice was barely more than a whisper.

 

“Not up close,” Jared tried to reassure him. “I swear, I just saw you swimming, I didn’t see any of… you know,” Jared awkwardly waved at Jensen’s body. “And I wasn’t following you or anything, I just came back from a ride and I wanted to bathe and yeah…” He trailed off lamely.

 

Thankfully Jensen seemed appeased by the explanation but his glare was still cold. Well shit.

 

“You coming?” Chad yelled from the water and Jared took it as an excuse to get away from Jensen. As it was, their relationship couldn’t get worse.

 

The rest of the day, Jensen spent sitting in the shade of the tree and for the first time in his life, Jared couldn’t enjoy a day at the oasis.

 

His friends tried to talk to Jensen, one after another, they made their way over to him in the course of the day. As far as Jared could tell, they made polite conversation, nothing too long or intimate, and apparently Jensen took a liking to Traci, but that might just be because she actually dressed herself before she went to talk to him. Osric even tried chatting up Chris, but Jared doubted he said anything back. 

 

The ride home was relaxed but Jared didn’t really talk to Jensen a lot. He did admire the graceful ease with which Jensen commanded his horse. He was a very good and attentive rider. They said a stilted goodbye at the door leading to Jensen’s apartments and Jared wondered if there would ever come a day when they’d share the rooms meant for them. And even though Jensen was giving him the cold shoulder, Jared still wanted them to get along. He wasn’t ready yet to give up on his dream of a marriage built on affection and maybe even love. He was just so sure that there was more than Jensen’s cool facade. He’d seen Jensen’s rare smiles, remembered the relaxed conversations they had occasionally managed to have. He would just have to find another way.

 

 

 

 

 

The next day, Jared found Jensen in the stables with Jim. He stopped, surprised to see Jensen out here, especially with Chris nowhere in sight. When he realized he was intruding on a conversation, he hung back. He didn't mean to eavesdrop, not really, but his new husband was such a puzzle he couldn’t help wanting to learn more about him.

 

“They’re more temperamental, our desert horses,” Jim was saying, gesturing to Artrax standing next to him. “I’m guessing you’re not used to that.”

 

Jensen shook his head, eying Artrax with a mixture of apprehension and admiration. “Have you ever seen a northern shire horse?”

 

Jim nodded. “Beautiful animals. I once saw a stallion standing eighteen hands.”

 

Eighteen hands! Jared barely suppressed a whistle. That was extremely large for a horse.

 

“Quite impressive,” Jim continued. “And a very different ride than our horses. They’re much more ponderous in their movements and in their handling as well, I assume.”

 

Jensen nodded, and he rubbed his neck, obviously trying to hide his embarrassment. “Yeah, I was not prepared for the agility and light reactions of your horses.”

 

Jim’s expression was sympathetic. “I heard about your first time on one of ours. They’re trained to respond to the slightest touch and they’re bred for speed.”

 

Jensen stiffened.

 

“It’s nothing to be ashamed about,” Jim said in a soothing voice. “If no one prepared you for the difference, I imagine it’s quite a shock to put a little leg pressure on the horse and have it galloping off immediately. I’m actually surprised you managed to stay in the saddle.”

 

“Not very gracefully though,” Jensen grumbled.

 

Jim actually laughed, but it was a good natured sound. “Son, I could tell you stories about how often Prince Jared fell off his mare when he was breaking her in. Desert horses are the fastest and most enduring horses you can have, but they have a temper, everyone knows it. Don’t worry about it, you’ll get used to it in no time.”

 

Jensen nodded and determinedly looked at Artrax, the horse reserved for him. “I’ll manage.”

 

“Well then, up you go.”

 

Jensen approached Artrax and let the stallion sniff and nibble at his hand. Then he swung himself gracefully into the saddle, carefully but steadily holding the reins.

 

“Just remember,” Jim said, “they only need a little encouragement, but a firm hand.”

 

Jensen took a deep breath. “I can do that.” Then he guided Artrax out into the training rink.

 

Jared stayed behind. He had a feeling Jensen wouldn't want him to see this. Head swimming with this new information, Jared snuck into Jova’s box, but instead of saddling her up he just sat down next to her in a clean patch of hay.

 

“I am such an idiot,” he told her. He hadn’t even considered that horses, and how to ride them might be different here than in Alenda. Just like he hadn’t considered clothing habits and breakfast customs. Basically, everything.

 

Jova stalked over to him and nibbled at his hair. 

 

“Such an insensitive, ignorant  _ idiot _ .”

 

“I’m not gonna deny that,” Jim’s gruff voice said behind him. Jared looked up to see Jim leaning against the bars of Jova’s box. “But that’s nothing you can’t fix. Your husband is a tough one, he’ll be fine.”

 

Mournfully Jared looked at him. “Question is if he’ll ever give me the time of day after this.”

 

“Well, how about you quit your sulking and do something about it then?”

 

With a sigh, Jared got up from the ground. “You know, you really shouldn’t talk to your prince like that.”

 

Jim snorted. “Boy, I watched you fall from that horse too many times not to call you an idiot when you’re behaving like one.”

 

Jared grinned ruefully. “Fair enough.”

 

 

 

 

The next couple of days, Jared tried harder to talk to Jensen.

 

What helped was that Mark, the court’s tailor had paid Jensen a visit and made him a whole new slew of clothes, without changing the style of Jensen’s attire. But where Jensen was formerly dressed in leather, heavy cloth and thick linen, his long-sleeved shirts, vests and jackets were now made out of the thin and air-permeable fabrics worn by Jared’s people. Somehow Mark had even gotten Jensen to adopt the style of wide sleeves that allowed for more air circulation. Jensen paired these shirts with a fitted vest that accentuated his broad shoulders. Jared tried not to drool. Jared knew he’d grown up well but Jensen had turned from pretty into blindingly attractive. He wore his hair shorter these days, artfully tousled on top of his head. His jaw had become more angular, a sharp contrast to his still soft lips and long-lashed eyes. Looking at Jensen, Jared thought, when he was alone in the dark and quiet of their bedroom, was like looking straight into the sun.

 

They continued having breakfast together, which had turned into a mostly pleasant affair. Jensen even smiled occasionally, and every single time it took Jared’s breath away. But their conversations were still carefully impersonal. Jared was too scared to say something wrong and Jensen… well, Jared wasn’t really sure why Jensen held back. He could still miss his old home, find his new one too strange and unpleasant, or maybe he just found Jared strange and unpleasant. 

 

Jared wasn’t going to take any chances on that, so he decided to properly woo Jensen. The first step was sending a messenger to Alenda with the order to bring back Jensen’s horse.

 

Then he tried to imagine what he would like if he were in Jensen’s place, living in a country where everything was different. He thought about living in the cold and having meat for breakfast. Jared knew he’d kill for a pot of raspberry jam within a week.

 

The solution then, to make Jensen happy, was to make his new home more relatable, more comfortable to him. Jared had already figured out the breakfast food and sent for his horse, but he needed more.

 

In his quest to find more things that would bring Jensen a piece of his home, Jared continued to scour the books. To his delight, the volumes Felicia had given him weren’t the only ones the castle had. A trip to the library revealed more books about Alenda. In a thin volume about animal husbandry, he finally stumbled across the note that in Alenda, every household kept dogs. They served as guards, hunters, herding dogs, and companions. There was a picture there too, of a large, shaggy dog. Jared thought it looked very imposing, compared to the small and short-haired breeds that his people kept around. In Scayen, dogs weren’t bred for work which explained why Alenda breeds seemed so much bigger and sturdier. Well, it didn’t really matter. Jensen had probably had dogs at home, and if he missed them, Jared would do his damndest to get them here. The messenger for Jensen’s horse was already on its way, and before he sent another person on a four week journey, he’d have to make sure Jensen really had dogs at home.

 

 

“You seem in a good mood,” Chad remarked when they took the horses out for an evening ride.

 

“I might have a breakthrough,” Jared said with a smile.

 

Chad nodded. “Yeah, I saw Jensen this morning. On his way to the pool. He got new clothes.”

 

Jared nodded. “Yeah, Mark made him new clothes from our material but in Alenda fashion.”

 

“Looks good on him,” Chad said with a dirty grin.

 

Jared pulled Jova to the right and half shoved at Chad who barely managed to hold himself in the saddle but laughed.

 

“Still my husband you’re talking about.”

 

Chad grinned unrepentantly.

 

“Besides, what were you doing in the baths so early?”

 

Chad’s grin became even wider. “I was on my way back to bed.”

 

Jared raised his eyebrows. “What, you already forgot about Danneel, the most beautiful woman on earth?”

 

Theatrically, Chad gripped his heart and mimed falling off his horse. “How dare you! I will always love her. But a person has needs.”

 

“Speaking of,” he said when they slowed down so the horses could eat the soft grass growing close to the river. “How are you holding up?”

 

“Contrary to what you believe, you don’t die if you don’t have sex regularly,” Jared said.

 

Chad just snorted.

 

“I still have my hands,” Jared said self-deprecatingly. “The new clothes don’t help. They’re still just as tight and now, the fabric is so thin, I swear, I can see the contours of his muscles under the fabric.”

 

“So how long until you snap and just start ripping buttons?” Chad asked amusedly.

 

Jared was assaulted by a picture of Jensen, flushed and smiling, while Jared ripped the buttons off his shirt, one by one, with his teeth, Jensen’s skin revealed just a breath away from his mouth and— 

 

Jared shook himself violently. “You’re an ass,” he told Chad, who just laughed. 

 

“I’m sorry, I really am. But you’ll get there.”

 

“And how do you know?” Jared asked snappishly.

 

“A person has needs, Jared,” Chad said with a twinkle with his eyes. “And Jensen is a person. So I get the whole showing him around, helping him settle in but don’t forget, you’re a hot piece of ass and I’m sure Jensen can see that too.”

 

Jared didn’t know if he should be indignant or flattered but this was Chad, so Jared just clapped him on the shoulder. “Thanks man, I love you too.”

 

Chad rolled his eyes. “You are such a sap.” But he gripped Jared’s hand and squeezed. “Now let’s race back. If I’m lucky I’ll get another date tonight.”

 

Jared laughed and then they were off, riding at breakneck pace back to the castle.

 

 

In the spirit of taking Chad’s advice, Jared picked out the things he wore more carefully when he ate with Jensen and he even tried to make his hair fall a little smoother, trying to remember to put argan oil into it to make it softer. He couldn’t detect it having any effect on Jensen. So Jared went back to trying to make it more homey in Scayen for Jensen.

 

“Did you have dogs at home?” Jared asked over breakfast. 

 

Jensen seemed surprised by the question, which granted, came out of nowhere, but Jared couldn’t think of a smooth transition.

 

“Of course,” Jensen said. “Every person in my country picks their own dog from a litter when they become adolescent and trains them. It’s a rite of passage. You train your dog to accompany you through the life you lead. Either to work with you, or to guard you and hunt with you. I had two, siblings. Luke and Leia.” A wistful smile appeared on Jensen’s face.

 

This was probably the most he’d ever talked in consecutive sentences. He must have really loved his dogs.

 

“But, why haven’t you brought them with you?” Jared asked, trying not to get stuck on how lovely Jensen’s face looked when his expression softened. “I'm sure they would’ve fit on the ship and many people here have dogs, you could—”

 

“No, I couldn't,” Jensen interrupted him angrily. “Their fur is thick and long, designed to keep them warm during freezing weather. And they have short noses, so they wouldn’t be able to cool down well through panting. They’d be miserable here.”

 

“Oh.” Jared hadn’t thought of that. “I’m sorry. If you want, we can find someone who just had a litter and you can pick new dogs? I’m sure you could train our breeds as well, even though they’re mostly just pets but they can learn tricks, so....”

 

“No,” Jensen said harshly, then inhaled deeply. Jared tried not to look too taken aback. 

 

“No,” Jensen repeated more calmly. “I don't think I’m ready for that.”

 

Jared nodded. “Okay then.”

 

“I’m sorry,” Jensen said after a short break. “I didn’t mean to snap at you.”

 

“It’s nothing.” Jared said reflexively, the generic answer to an apology in Scayen. He’d never heard Jensen accept one of Jared’s apologies but that didn’t mean Jared would stoop to that level. His parents had raised him right.

 

Jensen’s nostrils flared. “Of course,” he said stiffly and stood.

 

Only when Jensen had left, a horrifying thought occurred to Jared. What if the horses in Alenda also had long and shaggy fur and Jensen’s horse would be miserable here? Panicked, he hurried to the stables.

 

 

“I think it’ll be fine,” Jim said when Jared was done explaining. “Now, mind, every horse reacts differently to the heat, and some of them just hate it, but I’ve seen a shire horse once or twice in our parts. Depending on its coat, we might have to clip it a bit, braid the mane and the tail, and keep it in the cool stables during the hot day and only turn it out at night, but with good care, the horse should be fine.”

 

Jared slumped in relief. “Good. He already told me off for trying to get his dogs here, you know.”

 

Jim looked thoughtful. “I don’t know anything about their dogs, but dogs and horses are very different animals.”

 

“He said something about their fur and a short nose,” Jared explained.

 

“Well, there you have it,” Jim said. “Now go take your horse for a ride, she misses you. Made a damn ruckus earlier when I didn’t have an extra apple for her. You spoil her, boy.”

 

Jared grinned unapologetically. He’d already snuck into the kitchen and gotten a little honey cake. Jim was right, he hadn’t been very attentive recently, too occupied with Jensen. But this afternoon was reserved for Jova. She whinnied happily when she saw him coming and immediately started sniffing around his pant pockets. 

 

Jared fed her and then thoroughly brushed her fur and mane, before taking her out. Chad and his new girlfriend had really taken off so Jared was on his own. A cool breeze was blowing, pushing thin strands of wispy clouds across the bright blue sky. Jared leaned forward and let Jova run. 

 

 

 

 

 

Felicia was in her study, reading. Without disturbing her, Jared plopped down in front of the window. He just wanted to hang out in the company of someone who didn’t put him on edge every moment he spent with them. Usually, he wouldn’t bother Felicia while she worked but Chad had been called home to Mons Arbor and he’d been gone for a few days. 

 

After the incident with the dogs, which apparently reminded Jensen even more of how much he missed home or how much he disliked it here, Jared couldn’t be sure, breakfast had once again been a strained affair. It didn’t help that Jared had the feeling he was doing the wrong thing all the time, clumsily bumbling around Jensen who just tried to keep it together while miles away from home. And then there was the matter of Jared still getting tongue-tied occasionally when Jensen did something especially attractive. Which didn’t even make sense, further proof that Jared was losing his mind. He needed a break. He whistled, but Sorry didn’t show. She was probably out hunting. So Jared picked up the book closest to him, a collection of old fairy tales and started reading. 

 

“Hey, what have you got there? Sorry, you damned animal, I said no more strays.”

 

At the sound of Felicia’s angry voice, Jared looked up. Sorry was standing in front of her, carrying a tiny ball of fur in her mouth. What?

 

Felicia knelt on the ground in front of Sorry and reached her hand out. “Give it to me.”

 

Sorry dropped the furball into Felicia’s hand and sat back on her haunches, starting to clean her fur with a supremely pleased expression.

 

Felicia cooed at the little furball and gently stroked it with two fingers. Jared realized it was a kitten.

 

“Sorry’s?” Jared asked and ambled over. She hadn’t been pregnant the last time he’d seen her but Sorry was the cat of a mage, and you never knew with magical animals.

 

“Who knows,” Felicia muttered, inspecting the tiny kitten. It was a light gray tiger with thin black stripes and a completely white belly. “What do we do with you, hmm?” Felicia asked the kitten.

 

The kitten yawned, opened its eyes and looked at Jared. And well. Jared didn’t really understand magic, not at all actually, but when it stared him in the face like that, he didn’t question it. 

 

He leaned down to Sorry and gave her a full body cuddle. “Thanks.”

 

Sorry meowed indignantly and hopped off a few paces to continue her bath.

 

Jared looked back at the kitten, then at Felicia. Felicia was already holding the kitten out to him.

 

“I’d say you owe Sorry a million belly rubs but it’s not like you ever say no to her anyway.”

 

Jared grinned and carefully picked up the kitten. “Thanks Felicia. I’ll see you later.”

 

Felicia waved him off. “Go woo your husband.”

 

 

The kitten fit completely into the palm of Jared’s hand. He held it close to his chest while he made his way to Jensen’s rooms. Chris wasn’t there guarding the door anymore, but he was the one who always opened it. At first, he was reluctant to let Jared pass, but this was important.

 

“It’s important,” Jared said, trying to make his voice assertive without sounding rude.

 

Reluctantly, Chris let him inside. 

 

Jensen was sitting outside on the patio, protected from the sun by the marquee. He was wearing one of his new shirts and thin linen pants. On the table in front of him, sheafs of paper piled up high, quills and ink. Jensen was obviously writing letters.

 

“Hey,” Jared said from inside the room. 

 

Jensen looked up. “I’m busy,” he said, indicating the mess on the table. His fingers were ink stained. “Can we talk later?”

 

“Sorry, this can’t wait,” Jared said unperturbed. Jensen was lonely, and Sorry had brought him the cure. “I know you said you didn’t want a new dog.”

 

Jensen tensed. “I did.”

 

Triumphantly, Jared held out the kitten. “It’s not a dog.”

 

Jensen stared at the kitten. “A cat?” he asked incredulously. “What am I supposed to do with a cat?” he asked as if Jared had offered him a squirrel.

 

“Keep it as a pet, obviously.”

 

“No way,” Jensen said. “You can’t train cats. You keep them in the house as rat hunters.”

 

“And yet another difference between our countries,” Jared said, trying not to sound resigned.

 

The cat in his hand started to wiggle around, craning its head towards Jensen. With a sigh, Jared crossed the distance to Jensen, grabbed his hands and put the kitten in his palms. 

 

“Look, I know this is new for you, but cats are good pets, good company. Sorry, you know, Felicia’s cat, brought me this kitten and it’s clearly meant for you and because it’s a cat brought by magic you have to keep it, so there.” To make his point, Jared took a step back and purposely  shoved his hands into his pockets.

 

Exasperatedly, Jensen looked at the kitten in his palm. It had curled up there, eyes closed and seemed to sleep. “And how do you know the kitten is for me?”

 

Jared grinned and gently poked the kitten until it opened its eyes and hissed at him. Jensen sucked in a breath.

 

“I'd say it’s pretty obvious,” Jared said as Jensen stared incredulously into the cat’s eyes, as grass green as his own. They even had the same golden flecks in them.

 

“Besides,” Jared said as he turned around to leave and give Jensen time to get acquainted with his new companion. “You are such a cat person.”

 

 

  


 

The cat joined them for breakfast the next morning. It rode in on Jensen’s shoulder.

 

“So,” Jared said with a barely contained smile. He was trying not to be smug. “I see you made a friend.”

 

Jensen rolled his eyes, but they still had a nice breakfast. Jensen fed his cat from the table and it even deigned to traipse over to Jared, delicately placing its white paws on the table to avoid stepping on plates and food and let him stroke its soft fur.

 

“What did you name it?” Jared asked when the cat had wandered back to Jensen and plopped down in his lap imperiously.

 

“Mokaly,” Jensen said and petted the cat.

 

“That’s… an interesting name.”

 

It definitely didn’t sound like a common cat name to Jared, but he tried not to judge.

 

“Mokaly is a mischievous mountain spirit. It leads people off their paths,” Jensen explained.

 

“Oh,” Jared said, trying to come up with something nice to say to that. Though frankly, he had no idea why Jensen would name a pet after such a spirit.

 

For a moment, Jensen looked at him expectantly, then he laughed. “The Mokaly might play with the wanderer’s fate, but if you bring it an offering and tell it one of your deep secrets, it’ll reward your trust with being a loyal friend as long as you are in its domain.”

 

Now Jared understood. He wanted to ask what secret Jensen had told the cat, but he had a feeling he wouldn’t get an answer. So instead he settled on, “You know that you don’t have to tell me a secret for me to be a loyal companion right?”

 

Jensen looked startled by the sudden change in conversation. Jared realized what he said sounded much more sincere than he’d intended but he wouldn’t take it back. Maybe it was time to speak openly.

 

“I mean it, Jensen. I know that we’re different, and this is nothing like your home, but I want you to be happy here. You’re my husband and I want you to be happy. So whatever I can do. Just, talk to me?”

 

Jensen was frozen, staring at Jared with wide eyes. He only moved when Mokaly meowed in his lap and pushed her head against his arm.

 

He fed her meat scraps from the table, still looking at Jared. It wasn’t until Mokaly was satisfied that he spoke.

 

“You’re very open, about your feelings, and your thoughts. But you don’t know me at all, you don’t know if you can trust me.”

 

“Trust you?” Jared asked. “I don’t think you’re here to kill me.”

 

“Kill you?” Jensen seemed alarmed. “Who said anything about killing?”

 

Jared gestured awkwardly between them. “Well you said something about trusting…”

 

Exasperated, Jensen shook his head. “That’s not what I meant. I swear, we use the same words, but we don’t speak the same language at all.”

 

“Then why don’t you explain?” 

 

Jensen leaned back. “I’ve never tried to explain this, so I don’t know if I can.”

 

Jared reached for a tangerine and started peeling. Jensen didn’t touch citrus fruit so there was always enough for Jared on the table. 

 

Absentmindedly, Jensen began stroking Mokaly’s head. “Trust is something that takes a long time to earn. If you tell a person your secrets, things that could hurt or shame you, you trust them not to do that. It’s a thing that works both ways. To just ask for trust without offering anything in return, it’s careless. It means you don’t care about the person after all. And trust… the more you trust, the more you show you care.”

 

“Huh.” Jared leaned back, trying to process that. “I mean, I get that, I think. There aren’t many people I’d trust with my innermost secrets.”

 

“It’s not only about your deepest secrets, though they are an important part,” Jensen explained. “It’s about what makes you vulnerable. How many people know something about you that could shame you? That could make you vulnerable?”

 

Jared thought about it. Well, most of his close friends knew how infatuated he was with Jensen, how badly he wanted their marriage to work. He guessed it might be detrimental to his wooing plan if Jensen knew that. Then there were the little embarrassments, the worst times he’d fallen off a horse, how the cook had chased him through the castle with a big serving spoon when he was little and couldn’t keep his hands off the sweetcakes and Jared hadn’t dared to go back into the kitchen for months.

 

“But,” he said thinking out loud, “if my friends tell you how I didn't go into the kitchen as a child because I was scared of the cook, I wouldn’t really mind. I mean, yeah, I would be embarrassed, I kind of am now, telling you this, but everyone would laugh about it, so it would be okay.”

 

“You would be okay if everyone laughed about you?” Jensen asked incredulously.

 

“Sure,” Jared shrugged. “If it’s the good natured kind of laughing, not the mean kind. Like, if I did something stupid as a child, because I was a child then that’s funny and you can laugh about it. You can even laugh about how I fell out of the hayloft without my pants on because I snuck off with the son of a visiting ambassador and we were trying to hide from Jim.”

 

Disbelieving, Jensen shook his head. “It’s never a good thing to be the butt of a joke. And to admit fear… In my country, you never show fear. Of anything. And any embarrassment, you keep to yourself and your friends are good friends if they don’t share it with others.”

 

Jared thought about Jensen’s and Jim’s conversation, what it must have cost Jensen to realize Jim knew about him almost falling off a horse. Jared decided he’d never tell Jensen he knew that too.

 

“Well, here, you don’t have to be afraid if you do something stupid or if you show fear,” Jared tried to appease him. “No one will judge you for it. To be human means to have weaknesses.”

 

Jensen shook his head. “To be human means to overcome weaknesses.”

 

“Wow.” Jared finished peeling the tangerine. “I guess our cultures are more different than I thought.”

 

Jensen nodded.

 

They sat in silence, letting this new insight sink in. Well, Jared thought while he was eating his tangerine, it was a good thing they had at least talked about it, even though it made finding a bridge to Jensen, connecting with him, even more difficult. But now he knew. How difficult it must be for Jensen, always fearing that he might do something wrong or embarrassing out of ignorance but unable to admit any weakness. Jensen’s standoffishness was really just his way of dealing with this new culture he was living in. Jared’s admiration for Jensen rose tenfold. If possible, his infatuation with Jensen became even worse. He wanted nothing more than to be the person Jensen would trust and confide in.

 

When he looked up again, Jensen was staring at the last slice of tangerine. Hesitantly, Jared held it up to him. “You want a piece?”

 

To his surprise, Jensen immediately took it. Then he flushed. “I like them,” he said and it sounded defensive.

 

“O-kay,” Jared said, unsure what the issue was.

 

Jensen seemed to have an internal debate, then he admitted, “I don’t like peeling them. It’s such a weird, sticky feeling.”

 

Jared managed to keep his laughter in. Jensen just looked and sounded so damn adorable, admitting that, but Jared had a feeling, this was Jensen making a concession, opening a chink in his armor.

 

Jared reached for a new tangerine and started peeling. “I don’t mind peeling these,” he said. “I don’t like peeling shrimp. They’re so gooey. Give me the creeps.” He shuddered exaggeratedly.

 

Jensen smiled, but didn’t say anything further. That was okay. For the moment, Jared was content to sit in silence and peel tangerines for his husband. This conversation, this could be the start of something. Maybe they’d finally find common ground. Jared would just have to find a way to build on that. That didn’t mean that he couldn’t spend some time with Jensen in the meantime.

 

“Do you want to go for a ride tomorrow?” Jared asked. He knew Jensen had been down at the stables regularly, but he still watched him closely when he answered.

 

To his delight, he couldn’t see any apprehension on Jensen’s face. “Yeah, I’d love to.”

 

 

 

“So, how are you liking Artrax?” Jared asked when they’d left the castle. 

 

If Jensen had any residual unease about riding a desert horse, he didn’t show it. “He’s wonderful. Very graceful but incredibly dynamic.”

 

Jared nodded. “He’s Jova’s younger brother actually. Their mother, Heyla, was one of the best broodmares the royal stables ever had.”

 

“So who does Artrax belong to?” Jensen asked. 

 

Jared grinned. “He’s mine. Heyla was my first horse and all her foals belong to me. She had one more foal between Jova and Artrax and I gave Nexa to Chad. When Artrax was born, I knew I could never give him away. But Jova is my one true love, so I mostly loan him out to stud.”

 

Jensen petted Artrax’s neck appreciatively. “I’m sure he’s fathered many impressive foals.”

 

“Well, he’s actually supposed to leave in a few weeks, to stud for a friend’s horses, but if you like him, you can have him.” 

 

Jensen would be getting his own horse, but who knew how long that would take and if Jensen’s horse couldn’t keep up with the quick desert horses, he might want to ride Artrax occasionally. 

 

“Oh no,” Jensen said. “I can’t accept that. He’s your horse, you should—”

 

“Nonsense,” Jared cut him off. “I want you to have him.”

 

It was true. If Jared had the chance to give Jensen something he’d appreciate, he’d gladly do it.

 

Jensen still didn’t look convinced.

 

“Don’t worry,” Jared said to appease him, “it’s completely common here for husbands to give their husbands gifts.” It wasn’t untrue, Jared’s people loved giving gifts.

 

“I don’t—” Jensen started but he didn’t finish his sentence. His hands around the reins had tightened and his posture seemed stiffer. 

 

Over the past weeks, Jared had become pretty good at reading Jensen’s body language and he looked worried now. 

 

Wracking his brain, Jared tried to come up with a reason why Jensen would not appreciate the gift. He liked Artrax and he was a good rider, so that couldn’t be it. Was he afraid of offending Milo, who Jared had promised Artrax to as a stud? Then Jared remembered that he’d read about Jensen’s people that they took debts incredibly seriously and maybe Jensen would feel indebted to give Jared an equally valuable gift?

 

“We have a saying here in Scayen,” Jared said, understanding the significance of it himself for the first time. “A present is not a good present unless you receive nothing but a blinding smile in return.”

 

“What a strange saying,” Jensen said but Jared could see him relaxing.

 

Jared shrugged. “Not as a strange as milk in coffee. Race you to the next grove?”

 

Jensen smiled, then scanned their surroundings until he spotted the little grove of trees three miles ahead of them.

 

“You’re on.”

 

With a grin, Jared urged Jova into a sharp gallop. Finally, they were getting somewhere.

 

 


	4. Part Three

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This part contains an artwork with partial nuditiy (Jared in underwear).

 

 

 

They weren’t friends exactly, but as summer came to a close and the cool fall winds brought relief from the heat, Jared and Jensen got along. They had breakfast together every day, and on the days Jared’s parents didn’t hold meals for the entire castle, Jensen ate dinner with Jared. In the spirit of inter-country understanding, Jared asked if Jensen’s cook Richard wanted to prepare some of their meals. 

 

Jensen was delighted and so Jared got to try all kinds of stews, the meat cooked until it was so soft it fell apart on Jared’s tongue. Richard also built a hut somewhere in the garden behind the kitchen and started curing meat. Jared loved the smokey taste of it.

 

In their conversations, Jensen finally started sharing little stories of his childhood, adventures with Danneel and Chris. His siblings were notably absent and when Jared asked, Jensen just shrugged and told him that they were much older — Jensen had been a late surprise to his parents — so they'd never really spent much time together. Jared could relate — Jeff was almost ten years older than he was — but he still thought his relationship to his own brother was more friendly, even though they didn’t spend a lot of time together, now that Jeff was traveling Scayen so much in his role as the heir.

 

During the days, they went riding a lot and Jared finally got to show off his country. Chris was an ever present shadow, and occasionally Chad came with them too. Chad also showed them the equestrian training grounds and Jensen enjoyed learning what Artrax could do on an obstacle course. Jensen was a truly excellent rider — maybe not quite as good as Chad or even Jared — but he had no trouble jumping on and off Artrax’s back in full gallop or jumping high obstacles. Chris was a good rider too but he preferred to spend these times practicing close combat with Alona, Traci, and Osric.

 

When Jared and Jensen were in the castle, Mokaly was a constant companion and while she accepted Jared and let him pet her, Jensen was clearly the cat’s favorite. As Mokaly grew, she started exploring the castle, but she was present for every meal and spent her nights purring on Jensen’s pillow. Jensen’s eyes were soft and fond when he told Jared.

 

“I haven’t said thank you yet,” Jensen said.

 

“You don’t have to thank me,” Jared protested. “Sorry brought Mokaly.”

 

Jensen tilted his head. “I know that the spirits brought this cat to me, but first, they brought it to you and you recognized it. I received this gift because of our relationship. So thank you.”

 

Jared had learned not to argue with Jensen about spiritual and cultural reasoning so he just inclined his head. “You’re welcome then.”

 

They sat in comfortable silence. Jared peeled tangerines and Jensen got a string out of his pocket and entertained Mokaly.

 

“So, I wanted to talk to you about the harvest fest,” Jared said between two tangerines.

 

Jensen looked at him, his green eyes attentive. “Mistress Kim already informed me of our role at the festivities.”

 

Jared nodded. It was traditional that the royal family split up during harvest season, each of them visiting an important agricultural center. Technically, harvest time in Scayen was ten months of the year but it was in fall the wine was harvested and that was the traditional reason for the celebration.

 

“What did she tell you, exactly?” Jared asked because there were a few activities Jensen might be uncomfortable with.

 

“She said we’d travel to Mons Arbor, to attend their wine fest. There’d be a celebration and she asked me if I was scared of fire.” Jensen looked affronted at that.

 

“Yeah, at night, there’s a big bonfire,” Jared explained, “and traditionally, the young people jump over it.”

 

“I’m not scared of fire,” Jensen said firmly. “We have the same tradition when we celebrate the solstices. I’ve been jumping across bonfires since I was six years old.”

 

“Six years?” Jared boggled at that. He wasn’t sure if he’d been able to do that at that age.

 

“Well, at the edge of the fire, where it didn’t burn so high,” Jensen admitted.

 

“Still.” Jared was impressed.

 

“Is there anything else I need to know?” Jensen asked.

 

Jared cleared his throat. “Well, you know how people in Scayen are very, erm, open when it comes to affection?”

 

Jensen’s whole body stiffened at that. 

 

Jared flinched and rubbed the back of his head. “We don’t have to — I mean, after the fires die down, people just, you know, go off into the fields somewhere, to… er... have fun. But we don’t have to do that. Everybody will understand if we want the privacy of our room.”

 

“So we have to...” Jensen started, voice wooden.

 

“No, no of course not,” Jared tried to placate him, even though it still stung, the rejection. “We’ll have to share a room, because it would look bad if we don’t, you know, the marriages of the royal families reflect the state of the country so if you have a loving couple that’s a good omen, so…” Jared trailed off.

 

Jensen nodded, once. “Then we will share a room.”

 

Relieved, Jared smiled. “Okay, good. And I promise, I won’t look at you, when you, you know.” Awkwardly, Jared waved at Jensen’s body. “We’ll figure something out.”

 

Jensen was clearly uncomfortable but he soldiered on. “Anything else?”

 

Jared took a deep breath. “We have to kiss. It doesn’t have to be anything long, but we’ll share a glass from the last harvest’s first bottle and it’s tradition to drink from the cups with our arms crossed and then kiss afterwards.”

 

He wanted to continue, to explain about the balance of the royal household that reflected the state of the country but Jensen was already nodding, seemingly unconcerned.

 

“I can do a little kiss,” he said in the face of Jared’s worry.

 

“Okay, good.”

 

“And that’s it?” Jensen asked.

 

Relieved, Jared smiled. “Yeah.”

 

He was so worried about the kissing, and the sharing of a tent, he completely forgot about the ceremonial grape stomping.

 

 

 

 

Chad hadn’t come back to court before the wine festival. He’d sent a few short messages by pigeon, that his mother had sprained her ankle and was unable to ride the traditional tour of their lands so Chad had to stay and fill in for her. Jared knew his friend well enough to read his anger and frustration between the lines so he arranged for them to leave a few days earlier. Chad had spent weeks at home, he’d be miserable. 

 

On the ride out to Mons Arbor, Jensen asked why they were leaving early.

 

“Chad needs company,” Jared explained.

 

Jensen’s eyebrows shot up.

 

“Remember how I said it’s complicated with Chad and his family?” Jared asked.

 

“I remember.”

 

“Well, Chad’s parents suck.”

 

Jensen’s expression went from inquisitive to scandalized. So, talking badly about your elders probably wasn’t a thing you did in Alenda. 

 

Jared sighed. “Chad’s mother is a good countess. She’s ruling her family’s land well and the people are wealthy. But she’s kind of cold, you know, not really affectionate. And Chad’s father… well, he likes the wine. And the hunt. And the maids.”

 

“So does Chad,” Jensen remarked dryly.

 

“That’s different,” Jared snapped at him. “Chad would never touch a woman who doesn’t want him and he’s never yelled at someone because he was drunk.”

 

Jensen was startled by Jared’s outburst but he lowered his head. “I apologize. I did not mean to insult Chad.”

 

“It’s alright, you couldn’t have known,” Jared mumbled, berating himself for his outburst. But when it came to Chad and his parents, he was fiercely protective. He’d seen too much crap go down when they were younger.

 

Chad’s parents had never gotten along, they were just so different. It was actually a miracle they managed to produce Chad at all. Nowadays they were mostly leading separate lives and whenever they were together, they fought. Chad avoided them as best as he could. Because even when he was alone with either of his parents, it didn’t go over well. He was an exact mixture of the both of them, loving the fun side of life but responsible enough to attend to his duties. So his mother scolded him for drinking and chasing after girls and his father mocked him for being a goody two shoes. Jared thought that both parents had hoped for an ally in their marital fight, for a little miniature of their own to stick it to the other one. Jared hated Chad’s parents with a burning passion.

 

 

It was a four day ride to Mons Arbor. When they stopped for the first night, Jared realized he’d overlooked a significant detail of their journey. Captain Tapping who led the guards that accompanied them and who had organized their travel had, of course, only packed one tent for Jared and Jensen. Jensen didn’t seem worried when they made camp, and he wasn’t worried during the meal. Jared waited the entire evening for Jensen to freak out but it never happened. Maybe Jensen was fine with sharing a tent, since he had already consented to sharing a room with Jared at the harvest festival. And what difference would it make if they started a few days early?

 

Hope started to bloom in his chest that they would finally manage to sleep in one bed, but when Jensen retired to the tent with him, he just went to his saddle bags and gathered a few clothes.

 

“Would you mind,” he started, turning the clothes in his hands over.

 

“Oh, of course,” Jared said, finally catching on. “I have to go outside anyway, lots of beer for dinner,” he mumbled and left the tent. He wondered why Jensen didn't even want to undress in front of him. Were Alendans really so careful with their body or was there another reason Jensen hid himself away?

 

Jared took his time, and when he came back to their tent, Jensen was already lying in the bedrolls. He had pulled them apart, making two beds, and Jared tried to hide his disappointment while he took off his shirt and his pants. It only occurred to him when he was standing in the tent in his underwear that Jensen might be offended by his nudity. But when he tried to surreptitiously look over his shoulder, he found Jensen watching him.

 

Quickly, Jensen averted his head and Jared barely managed to suppress a victorious smile. So Jensen didn’t mind Jared’s bare skin, might even appreciate it by the looks of it. Maybe Chad was right and Jared should work with everything he had. 

 

“Fucking moose,” Jensen muttered, almost too quiet for Jared to hear.

 

Jared wasn’t entirely sure how to interpret that curse because he had no idea what a moose was but he decided to take it as a good sign. Purposefully, he turned away from Jensen while he climbed into his own bedroll, taking way longer than usual. 

 

“Good night, Jensen.”

 

Jensen cleared his throat, but his voice was still hoarse when he spoke. “Sleep well, Jared.”

 

Jared closed his eyes and forced himself not to think of Jensen lying just a few feet away.

 

 

Their journey continued uneventfully. Jared told Jensen everything about the landscape they were riding through and when he didn’t know the name of a plant or the history of a town, Captain Tapping stepped in. Mons Arbor was her home and she traveled this route often.

 

At night, Jared gave Jensen privacy to undress. In the mornings, Jensen woke before him and was gone by the time Jared finally opened his eyes. Jared still undressed in the tent, right in front of Jensen and he took his time doing it. He didn’t catch Jensen looking again, but he saw a slight flush on Jensen’s cheeks. Jared decided to take it as a good sign. So far, he hadn’t allowed himself to think that, on top of it all, Jensen just might not be attracted to him. But it seemed that worry was unfounded.

 

Chad, Jared thought, would be so proud. 

 

 

 

When they reached the castle of Mons Arbor, Chad and his parents were waiting to greet them. Etiquette dictated that Jared would greet the Countess first, but he hadn’t seen his best friend for weeks, and he’d missed him. And after weeks with his parents, Chad looked predictably terrible.

 

So Jared nodded at the Countess and then hugged Chad. With a huff, Chad gripped him tight, and let Jared take his weight.

 

“I missed you too,” Jared murmured.

 

“Shut up.”

 

Jared laughed and Chad laughed with him. When they pulled apart, Jared caught Jensen watching them. There was an expression on his usually so guarded face that Jared couldn’t interpret. He thought it looked like envy but surely Jensen must know that there was nothing between him and Chad.

 

He had no time to think about it further because the Countess and the Count demanded his attention. They had dinner in the great hall but afterwards, when everyone had gone to bed — Jared had given Jensen the bed in the guest room and told him he’d bunk with Chad — Chad and Jared climbed the high west tower. There was a trap door to the attic and a window big enough for them to crawl through. They sat on the tower’s roof and shared a bottle of wine.

 

“So, how are things with the parents?” Jared asked.

 

“They still hate each other,” Chad said darkly. “And they still think I should take sides. And my mother...” Chad mimicked wringing someone’s neck. 

 

“If you’re such good friends with Prince Jared, why didn’t we get a tax cut last season?” he imitated her cold and disapproving voice. “If you’re such good friends with Prince Jared, why didn’t we get the water rights to the mill?” He let his head thump back against the window’s opening. “I swear, if she doubts our friendship again because I’m not getting her favors, I will kill her.”

 

“Dude, you should have said something,” Jared said. “I could—”

 

“No,” Chad said angrily. “Look, I talked to your parents about it, I got some of the concessions my mother wanted, but the tax cuts were just preposterous, and we have no right to that mill, nor had we ever. She’s trying to use our friendship to get ahead and I won’t allow it.”

 

“Okay,” Jared said softly. “But you know I have your back, right?”

 

Chad leaned over and bumped their shoulders together. “Of course. Now tell me how it’s going with the ice prince.”

 

“That is a terrible pun,” Jared said.

 

“It’s actually a really intelligent play on both his country of origin and his demeanor,” Chad said with a mischievous grin.

 

Jared shook his head with a pitying expression. “ _ Terrible  _ pun.”

 

“W hatever. Spill already.”

 

Jared leaned back against the cool stone of the tower. “It’s good actually. Really good.”

 

“Yeah?”

 

“Yeah, he’s…” Jared tried to find the words without betraying the trust Jensen had put in him. He had a feeling that it had cost Jensen a lot, to talk about his own culture to Jared, to reveal his issues with trust and showing weakness and Jared didn't want to betray that, not even in a conversation with Chad. The moment when Jensen had asked for a slice of tangerine would forever be just Jared’s memory.

 

“Alendans are really different,” he eventually settled on. “I mean, it's not just the clothes and stuff, they just have ginormous trust issues.”

 

Chad’s brow furrowed. “Trust issues?”

 

“Yeah, trust is really hard to earn and they never show weaknesses.” Jared ran a hand through his hair. “I think it’s really hard for Jensen to adjust and he’s trying so hard to be perfect I think, you know? He’s so careful not to make any mistakes, not to show any weakness.”

 

“Man, that sucks,” Chad said. “I mean if you get to a new place you’re bound to mess up sooner or later and that’s no big deal.”

 

“Except to him, it is.”

 

“Poor bastard. No wonder he’s so tense all the time.”

 

“Yeah. But we’ve been making progress, I think.”

 

“Oh?” Chad waggled his eyebrows.

 

Jared punched Chad in the shoulder. “Not like that!” Chad laughed. “But we’ve been talking, spending a lot of time together. And…” Jared felt himself blush at the memory. “I did kind of take your advice.”

 

“Of course you would,” Chad said smugly. “Which bit?”

 

Jared laughed. “Well, Jensen doesn't undress in front of me but that doesn’t mean I can’t undress in front of him. And he didn’t hate it, as far as I could tell.”

 

“Ha!” Chad crowed. “I knew that would work.”

 

“Well, I don’t have results yet,” Jared pointed out.

 

Chad waved his objection away. “With a guy like Jensen, you have to play the long game, my friend. Patience.”

 

“You do realize I actually want to woo him, not just get him into bed, right? I want us to have something real.”

 

Chad gave him a soft, completely un-Chad-like smile. “I know. And you’ll get there. And a little sexual tension never hurt anyone,” he added with a lewd wink.

 

“You’re unbelievable,” Jared said with a fond sigh and Chad cackled like a drunk goose.

 

 

 

 

 

They had a free day before the wine festival, and Chad suggested taking a trek up the mountains behind the castle. If Jensen and Chris weren’t opposed to climbing, there was a pretty good viewpoint up there.

 

Jared knew that of course, but it was a spectacular view that never ceased to amaze him. The last part of the mountain was steep, but it led to a riverbend meandering along the crest of the mountain range, shortly before it fell down the other side of the mountain. 

 

The way up the mountain was a steep path with a few stretches where they had to actually climb up the wall. Jared debated whether he should suggest to Jensen and Chris the longer way up where they could walk the whole way, but when they halted at the crag, Jensen scrutinized it shortly, then looked back at Jared. “This doesn’t look too bad.”

 

“‘Not too bad,’ he says,” Chad grumbled. Jared could only agree; this was a difficult passage most people failed at. Chad and Jared took pride that they could scale it easily.

 

Jensen just gave them a confused look, like he truly didn’t think climbing this wall was something difficult. Chris rolled his eyes but Jared didn’t know why. He didn't ask because Jensen had already started to climb the wall, reaching for the first hand holds without any difficulty.

 

Chris and Jensen both turned out to be good climbers and Jared couldn’t stop himself from watching Jensen, how sure-footed and steady-handed he pulled himself up the wall, the play of the muscles of his back visible under his tight, thin shirt.

 

Once, Jared almost lost his own footing when Jensen jumped from a small ledge up to grip a rocky outcrop and then pulled himself up. It gave him an excellent view of Jensen’s ass.

 

They reached the top when the sun stood in its zenith. From there, they could look past the trees out onto the entire holdings of the Murray family, the river gurgling behind them.

 

“You live in a beautiful place,” Jensen said into the silence.

 

Chad gave him a small smile. “I do. Jared comes to visit me occasionally, and of course, you and Chris are always welcome here too.”

 

Jensen inclined his head. “I appreciate that.”

 

“There is a rite of passage, of course, when it comes to climbing this mountain,” Chad said.

 

Quickly, Jared stepped up to him. “Chad. Leave it.”

 

“What is it?” Jensen asked, his voice tight.

 

“There’s a waterfall back there,” Chad explained. “It’s a long-standing tradition to jump when you become an adult.”

 

“But it’s actually pretty dangerous,” Jared interrupted. He and Chad had both done it for the first time when they turned fifteen, and every year since then when Jared visited Mons Arbor. But it wasn’t without risks. It took practice and good body tension to hit the water without getting hurt. Jared had seen one of Chad’s cousins break an arm when he hit the water wrong.

 

Jensen raised an eyebrow and Chris had an equally unimpressed expression on his face.

 

“It’s a long drop, people have broken bones jumping down there.” Jared tried to give Jensen a reassuring look. “You don’t have to do this, if you don’t want to. You can just climb down this side of the falls, and we’ll wait down there for you.”

 

Chris and Jensen exchanged a look Jared couldn’t interpret, then they followed the quickening river to the mountain’s ridge, where the water danced in white foam over the rocks and fell down the mountainside.

 

Chad was already taking off his shoes and Jared followed suit. 

 

Chris walked over to the edge and looked down, then eyed Chad and Jared doubtfully. “And you won’t kill yourself?”

 

Chad scoffed. “I’ve been jumping this cliff since I was fifteen, and so has Jared.”

 

Chris eyed them skeptically, but Jared could see something like respect in Jensen’s eyes.

 

“Do you want to jump?” Chris asked Jensen. Jensen hesitated for a moment, then he nodded.

 

“Sure. What about our stuff?”

 

They had bags of supplies with them.

 

“There’s a basket,” Chad said. 

 

The basket was hanging at a double rope that could be moved up and down over a pulley system. They put their packs into it, and Chad and Jared undressed down to their underwear. No sense in getting their clothes wet.

 

Chris and Jensen exchanged a look, then they took off their vests and boots, leaving them in  pants and long-sleeved shirts. The long grass growing close to the river hid their bare feet and Jared was almost tempted to try to figure out if Jensen was hiding six toes in the closed shoes he always wore but then refrained. He wanted Jensen to feel comfortable with him, to trust him.

 

“You can just—” Jared kicked Chad against the shin before he could suggest Jensen undress further.

 

Chad pulled a sheepish grimace, then he hoisted the basket down the cliff.

 

They lined up at the edge and Chad stepped forward. “The master goes first.”

 

Jared snorted but Chad just bowed with a flourish, took a running start and then hurled himself over the cliff. They watched him fall, spin on his axis twice before he straightened out to hit the water feet first.

 

When Chad broke the water’s surface and waved up at them, Jared looked at the two Alendans.

 

“You want to go next?”

 

Jensen nodded, not even hesitating. “Sure.” He walked right to the edge, then spread his arms and let himself fall forward, his feet just giving him a little push. He flipped twice in the air before he plunged into the water feet first.

 

The moment Jensen emerged, Chris jumped. Like Jensen, he somersaulted before hitting the water.

 

Jared looked down at them, saw Jensen watching him and he couldn’t help but want to impress him. He’d spent summers out here, doing nothing but diving and climbing but it had been over two years since he’d last been here.

 

Nevertheless he jumped, the air rushing past him, and he spun once, then somersaulted and straightened out. The water was hard and cold, an intense shock to his system. He shot to the surface, to Chad hollering and Chris nodding impressed. But it was Jensen’s expression that mattered most and when Jared saw him beaming at him, hair spiky-wet, and his long eyelashes even darker from the water, Jared got a warm and fuzzy feeling in his belly despite the cold water.

 

They swam in the lake for a while, mostly floating around lazily before they got out and rested in a sunny patch to dry. Chris and Jensen didn’t take off their clothes but Jared refrained from pointing out how much faster their clothes would dry if they did. Chad had apparently taken the hint from before so instead of saying something, he went to get the basket and pulled out the food.

 

They ate, right next to the lake, and Chad asked where they had learned to jump. It was Chris who answered, telling them of the waterfalls in Alenda and how the water was warm enough in their short summer to swim in. When the sun started to set, they made the trek back to the castle. As far as days with Jensen went, this one had been pretty awesome. 

 

 

 

 

The Countess of Mons Arbor started the day of the harvest festival with a grand breakfast. She spent the entire meal talking to Jared, about how close he was with Chad and how happy she was about their friendship and how Chad had probably failed to mention how important that mill was for Mons Arbor.

 

Chad shot his mother murderous glances and Jared tried his best to divert the conversation. The Countess didn’t stop, not until Jensen leaned past Jared and pulled her into a conversation about the trees growing in the hills.

 

The Countess was taken off guard and clearly not pleased with this development but she didn’t dare snub Jared’s new husband. Usually, Jared would recognize this as classic interference to help him out. But he wasn’t sure if Jensen was doing it on purpose or if he was just interested in trees that apparently had a resemblance to the trees that grew back in Alenda. Either way, Jared appreciated the break and so did Chad.

 

After breakfast, they rode out into the country. Jared took his time to visit several cities and villages, shaking hands of mayors and village elders, cooing at babies and throwing toddlers around. The people of Scayen loved their royal family and they loved to be close to them. Jared didn’t mind, he liked people and enjoyed talking to his subjects.

 

Chad was his usual relaxed self; he kept his flirting with the village girls to restrained and charming compliments, he talked harvest with the village elders and listened attentively to the people. He’d make a great count one day, Jared knew.

 

Jared didn’t know what he’d expected from Jensen but contrary to his reserved Alendan fashion, Jensen talked to all the people who approached him. When they got to the first village, Jensen watched attentively how Jared and Chad interacted with the people, then Jensen put a small but charming smile on his face and knelt down to say hi to a little girl with a bunch of flowers clutched in her hands. Chris was Jensen’s ever present shadow, standing a few paces behind him, not interfering and not interacting. A few of the children walked his way but his serious expression didn’t invite conversation and they soon left him alone to focus on Jensen.

 

Jared didn’t have time to look after Jensen but it didn’t seem like he needed it. It stood to reason that the Alendan royal family visited their subjects as well — maybe less exuberantly than the Scayens, but still — so Jared concentrated on doing his job as prince. When he saw Jensen next, he had a dishevelled looking flower crown on his head and half the village’s children were laughing with him, dragging him to the old umbrella acacia growing over the well, its thorny-leaved canopy shadowing most of the village square.

 

Jared couldn’t help but stare at the spectacle of Jensen and the children. Then one of the village women came up to Jensen to apologize, either for the children or the flowers but Jensen just smiled and talked to her. 

 

“He’s got skills,” Chad whispered into Jared’s ear. “And you’re drooling again.”

 

Jared quickly looked away. The couple he’d been talking to, the millers of the town, were looking at him with matching indulgent smiles. 

 

“Young love,” the miller said with a sigh.

 

“So beautiful,” his wife agreed. 

 

Then they laughed and kissed each other. 

 

Jared smiled with them. “Yes, I’m really lucky that he agreed to marry me.”

 

The wife nodded, then leaned in conspiratorially. “Not to speak ill of your new husband’s people, Your Highness,” she said quietly, “but we were a bit worried about you marrying one of the northerners.”

 

Her husband nodded. “Yes, you hear all sorts about the people living in the ice. But it’s good to see you two are happy. And your husband seems like a good man.”

 

“And so handsome too,” the wife said, eyeing Jensen appreciatively.

 

“Hey now,” her husband scolded her goodnaturedly.

 

Jared just laughed it off. “She’s right, he is very handsome. And he’s really great. We’re really happy.” If he had to say ‘really great’ one more time, Jared might have to kill himself. “Thank you so much for your congratulations,” he told the millers, hoping they’d move on.

 

Because it sucked, pretending that everything with Jensen was great when they weren’t even sleeping in the same room yet, but he was so hopeful they were doing better that he still managed a smile without bitterness.

 

The couple just cooed at him, then thankfully made way for another family who wanted to talk to him.

 

 

It went on like that the whole day. Jensen chatted and laughed with the villagers, though Jared noted that he sought out the children if he had the chance. Everybody congratulated Jared on his nice, charming and very good-looking husband, some of the braver souls even making lewd jokes. It was customary, to rib newlyweds — even a prince wasn't beyond that — and Jared laughed it all off, though nothing could be further from the truth than them not leaving the bed for days. 

 

During the ride to the last village, Jared steered Jova close to Artrax.

 

“Thank you, for being so great today,” he said to Jensen.

 

Jensen gave him a surprised, slightly hurt look. “Of course. This is part of my duty as your husband, isn’t it?”

 

“Yes.” Jared floundered for something to say without sounding insulting or condescending. “I just know that it’s not how you usually talk to people, so… thanks.”

 

Jensen looked like he wanted to go for a scathing reply, but then he took a deep breath, his shoulders slumping. “We talk to our people too, back home,” he said quietly. “Yes, your people are different, but I am here now. And they were friendly and welcoming to me today. I appreciate that.” He looked at Jared determinedly. “You have good people here.”

 

Jared didn't hear Jensen praise Scayen often and he thought the relief must be showing on his face. “I’m glad you think so.”

 

“I do,” Jensen said earnestly.

 

The rest of the way, Jared felt much lighter.

 

 

Their final destination was the small village of Redwood Grove, named for the ring of giant trees towering just outside the village. Not many people lived there, but the grove was sacred. For as long as anyone could remember, it had been the place of the harvest festival, so people from all over the region traveled to Redwood Grove to attend the festivities. 

 

The grove, and all the rituals and festivities taking place there, was overseen by the priests and priestesses from the convent of the mother goddess just a few miles away and it was their head priestess who greeted Jared, Jensen, and Chad. 

 

The people had already gathered on the field in front of the grove and many peddlers and merchants had come with their wagons, selling food, beverages, and little knickknacks.

 

Jared took the time to show Jensen what people were selling, Chris trailing a few steps behind them. The vendors did their best to impress and welcome Jensen and he dutifully tried every dish and every drink that was offered to him. He declared he loved all of it and the vendors smiled the same besotted smile Jared knew from his own face. Jensen just made everybody fall in love with him with a smile and a few kind words. Jared, who was already in so deep, needed to remind himself forcefully that he had a job to do and couldn't moon after his husband just because he was being nice to his people. But when Jared was watching Jensen chat to a young man who sold copper and silver bracelets, Jared realized that these people, Jared’s people, were now Jensen’s people too. If today had shown him anything, it was that Jensen thought the same way. Jared couldn’t stop himself from grinning stupidly.

 

In the shadows of the redwoods, the vintners had gathered their wagons with all the grapes they had collected and in the middle of the grove stood five giant troughs that would be filled with the grapes. The young people of the village had already started to line up at the little river running along the south side of the grove and were washing their feet.

 

“Your Highness,” the head priestess approached Jared, “you and your husband will open the ceremony, won’t you?”

 

“Of course,” Jared assured her and then he remembered that if they were to stomp the grapes, they’d have to take off their shoes and roll up their pants. Jared prayed to all the gods and all the spirits that Jensen would make an exception, just this once. He’d already taken off his shoes for jumping the waterfall but this was in front of hundreds of people.

 

But then the mayor of Redwood Grove sounded a giant gong, sending a deep resonating noise over them and everybody gathered around the giant tree stump he was standing on.

 

“My friends,” he declared with a booming voice, fitting for a man with his circumference.

 

“He looks more like a barrel of wine every year,” Chad said quietly in a wondrous voice next to Jared.

 

Jared took in the mayor’s red cheeks, his knobbly nose and his round belly and could only agree.

 

The mayor gave a quick speech about that year’s harvest and which vintners had come, and then he turned to Jared.

 

“As you all know, our beloved Prince Jared has married this summer.”

 

The clearing filled with thunderous applause. Jared carefully took Jensen's hand and raised their joined arms above their heads. Jensen didn’t resist, and from the corner of his eye Jared caught him smiling. Good.

 

“And so it is our good fortune,” the mayor continued, “that we’re not only blessed with the presence of our wonderful Lord—” more hollering for Chad and some of the young women were definitely whistling, “and our Prince, but also royal newlyweds!” The noise of the crowd was almost deafening now.

 

“Bring forth the wine!” the mayor declared grandly and then stumbled off the tree. He almost fell but just laughed jovially and then beckoned Jared and Jensen over.

 

“The wine drinking?” Jensen asked while they walked towards the mayor.

 

“Yeah,” Jared said quietly.

 

They reached the tree stump turned podium, and climbed it together.

 

“I could not be happier,” Jared spoke loudly into the murmuring crowd who fell silent at his words. “to celebrate the first harvest festival of my marriage, here, with the good people of Mons Arbor.”

 

Another round of applause. Everybody knew about the friendship between their future count and the prince and the people loved them for it.

 

“In the name of my whole family,” Jared continued, “and my new husband Jensen—” for effect, Jared turned to Jensen and gave him a soppy smile, “I wish all of us a great feast and an amazing — and fruitful — harvest season. Now, I know no one appreciates a long speech when something good is so close — trust me, I hated my father for every speech he allowed during my wedding,” Jared added with a wink and the people laughed — “so let’s get this party started!”

 

The ground shook with all the people stomping and jumping up and down.

 

“Hear, hear,” the mayor bellowed, and then uncorked the bottle someone had handed to him. He filled two glasses held by his wife and then she passed them up to Jared and Jensen.

 

They took the cups with their right hands and turned to each other. Jensen was smiling and Jared couldn’t really keep himself from grinning in anticipation. They hooked their elbows together and then drank from their cups, looking each other in the eyes the whole time. The sun was already setting but Jensen’s eyes were still so green.

 

They untangled their arms but Jensen didn’t pull back, just stayed in Jared’s space and it felt like the most natural thing in the world to lean forward and kiss Jensen. What Jared hadn't expected was Jensen’s hand to come up to fist into the front of Jared’s shirt and it made Jared lean in closer, reach out to grip Jensen’s waist. Jared felt as if their kiss went on forever, Jensen’s soft lips slowly moving against his own and Jared couldn’t resist pressing closer and sucking Jensen’s bottom lip into his mouth. Jensen made a tiny sound and then he opened his mouth to Jared and for the first time their tongues brushed. It was short and soft but it took Jared by surprise. They pulled back at the same time and it was only then that Jared noticed the roaring crowd again.

 

Jensen was giving him a roguish grin over his flushed cheeks. “I think that should make for a pretty good omen,” he whispered quietly, and Jared felt like he’d been doused with cold water. It had just been a show. 

 

“And now,” the mayor announced loudly, interrupting Jared’s dark thoughts, “Let the stomping begin!”

 

“The stomping?” Jensen asked and Jared could only smile nervously.

 

“We stomp the grapes. Listen, I forgot to tell you about this but it’s a tradition that we do it and you have to take off your shoes for that.”

 

For a moment, Jensen froze, then he looked over to the troughs, then back at Jared. He squared his shoulder and nodded.

 

“Of course. I’ll do it. It’s tradition.” 

 

Jared was so stumped, Jensen was actually the first to follow the mayor and the head priestess up to the grove, Jared stupidly stumbling behind them.

 

“Why do you look like someone just hit you over the head with a bottle of wine?” Chad asked worriedly.

 

“Because Jensen agreed to take off his shoes, without any complaint.”

 

“Seems like going with our customs is more important outside of your bedroom then.”

 

“Seems so,” Jared said dejectedly, and followed Jensen up the soft slope to the redwood grove.

 

“You know,” Chad said thoughtfully, “if you’d have gone with the old customs and consummated your wedding night in public…”

 

“Don’t even,” Jared shut him up and Chad just laughed at him. Asshole. 

 

He hurried to catch up to Jensen so they reached the biggest trough together.

 

Jensen shot Jared a questioning look. “How…?”

 

Quickly, Jared slipped out of his boots. Then he took off the thin wool socks that absorbed sweat on hot days. He bent down to reach for the hem of his pants legs and rolled them up to his knees. The tight hem allowed for the wide pants leg to actually stay up.

 

Jensen watched, took a deep breath and then rolled up his own pants. He occasionally wore clothes in a hybrid cut of his own and the Scayen fashion, but today he was wearing tighter pants. It looked to be a snug fit, but he managed to roll the pants up over his calf. Jared hadn't really expected to see anything, actually. But when Jensen rolled up the pants of his left leg, he revealed a thick, slightly uneven black line snaking up from his ankle over his calf until it disappeared under the material of the pants.

 

Jensen looked up to see Jared staring.

 

“You have a tattoo,” Jared said stupidly.

 

Jensen's face closed off. “Yes. Everybody in Alenda has them.”

 

Jared tried to think if he'd read something about this anywhere but he was pretty sure he'd remember. He knew what tattoos were, of course, but they weren’t common in Scayen.

 

“I didn’t know,” Jared said and for the first time, the disappointment on Jensen’s face made him angry. He’d read the books, but there hadn’t been a mention anywhere. It wasn’t his fault Alendans were so tight-lipped about everything, really. “There’s nothing about that in the books.”

 

Jensen looked surprised and Jared wasn’t sure if it was because Jared had read up on Alenda or because the books didn’t mention it.

 

“It’s very personal,” Jensen said eventually. “They're our lifeline to the spirits.”

 

“Is this why you don't undress in front of strangers?” Jared asked.

 

Jensen nodded.

 

Jared felt excitement welling up because finally Jensen was opening up to him. There were so many questions he wanted to ask, felt like he was finally  _ able  _ to ask, when they were interrupted by the mayor calling for them. Jared knew it was their duty to open the stomping ceremony but this felt like an important moment, like he’d finally get to peek behind Jensen’s cool facade. Jensen must have seen that on his face because his expression softened. “Maybe we can talk later and I can explain. If you want to know, I mean—”

 

“Yes!” Jared cleared his throat. “I mean, yes. I'd love to know. I want to know things about you,” he added quietly.

 

Jensen actually looked really happy at that so Jared took his hand and dragged him over to the river.

 

They waded into the shallow water, carefully stepping onto the smooth rocks lining the river's edge. The head priestess spoke a blessing and blew into her hand to create a heap of soapy bubbles. Jared took them and started soaping up his feet one after another without falling onto his face. It was neither graceful nor smooth but no one expected that. Next to him, Jensen did the same and his sense of balance seemed much better than Jared's because he didn't wobble nearly as much.

 

After their jump from the waterfall, Jared had thought that Jensen was probably much more athletic than Jared had assumed at first but then, he'd never really seen his body up close. Now a look to Jensen’s legs revealed strong muscles under his pale, almost white skin. Jensen really needed to get some sun. Jared stalked out of the river and wondered if Jensen would ever sunbathe with him.

 

Together, they walked on the long white cloth leading back to the trough, laid out so their feet would remain clean.

 

The trough’s wall reached up to Jared’s chest. Jared reached for the edge and pulled himself up, swinging a leg over it to sit there, one leg dangling down each side, prepared to give Jensen a hand to lift him up. But Jensen just followed his example and swung himself up onto the trough’s wall.

 

Below them, the trough was filled entirely with grapes.

 

“What now?” Jensen asked.

 

Jared grinned. “Jump.” Then he dropped down into the trough, sinking into the squishy grapes to his knees. Jensen followed.

 

For a moment, they were alone in the trough, then the other grape stompers climbed the walls, Chad and Chris among them, sitting on the edge and waiting for Jared’s signal. 

 

Jared looked around, smiling at the young men and women looking at him in anticipation. He reached down, took a handful of the sour grapes and pushed them into his mouth.

 

“This is an excellent harvest!” he proclaimed. He held out his hand for Jensen but after a moment of hesitation, Jensen just reached for him and drew him down for a kiss.

 

Jared was so surprised he didn’t manage to do anything before Jensen pulled back, licked his lips and turned around. “They taste really good,” he announced with a grin.

 

The other stompers hooted, then jumped into the trough.

 

“Did you just—” Jared started, not knowing how to phrase his question.

 

“Is that not how you make jokes in Scayen?” Jensen asked sounding slightly uncertain.

 

“That is exactly how you make jokes in Scayen.” Chad had come over to them and clapped Jensen on the shoulder approvingly. 

 

Jared just nodded, still dumbfounded.

 

“Don’t just stand there, man, show your husband how to properly stomp grapes!” Chad poked Jared in the chest.

 

Reflexively, Jared batted Chad’s hand away and realized his friend was right. He had a job to do, he couldn't just stand around in the grapes, looking like an idiot. 

 

Jensen still looked slightly worried, so, emboldened by the kiss, Jared took his hand. “Just follow my lead.”

 

Together, they stomped through the grapes, squishing them beneath their feet. They jumped together with the others and it didn’t take long for Chad to strike up an old harvest song. Jensen didn’t know the words but after the first time through he sang along to the chorus, his voice deep and melodic and if it would have been possible for Jared to be even more enamored with him, he would have been. 

 

They kept singing and stomping and at some point, people started passing around more wine bottles from last year’s harvest. Jared, Chad and Jensen and Chris shared a bottle and Jensen’s cheeks flushed from the alcohol and the exertion. It looked, of course, adorable. 

 

When the grapes were mush, and they were standing in juice and crushed grape skins, they climbed out of the trough and walked to the river to clean up. This was the point where most people got naked, more or less, and stumbled off into the fields for the next part of the evening. 

 

A band was playing, flutes and strings weaving a seductive melody to accompany the people sneaking off into the darkness. Chad was already leaving the grove, a young woman with auburn hair and a bright smile dragging him along. Jensen and Chris had a brief but quiet conversation, a blond woman standing a few feet off, watching attentively. She shot Jared a mischievous grin, then gestured towards Jensen and Chris. Clearly, she wanted to go off with Chris and thought Jared could help speed up the process by dragging his husband away. Jared just pulled a regretful grimace with raised hands, indicating he was not going to order his husband around. The young woman laughed.

 

“Go,” Jared heard Jensen say firmly. “This is a night of giving thanks that I will celebrate with my husband.”

 

Chris ground his jaw, then finally nodded. He turned to the young woman who shot Jared one last wink and then grabbed Chris’s hand. Chris seemed startled by the touch but followed her towards the field anyways.

 

Jared’s blood was still pounding and he’d like nothing more than to drag Jensen off to a secluded corner, but since that was impossible, he led Jensen over to the other edge of the grove. There, the trees continued to grow outside the circle, up a soft sloping hill. Even though it gave good cover, people didn’t venture in there during the festivities. It was where the spirits of the grove lived, a place for prayer and contemplation, not carnal pleasures. On a night like this, they wouldn’t be disturbed here.

 

“What are we doing here?” Jensen asked.

 

“I’m not really tired,” Jared said, “and it’s not a night for sleeping. Unless you mind?”

 

Jensen shook his head. “No.”

 

They walked in silence through the trees until they came to a tiny clearing covered in ferns and moss. 

 

Jensen leaned against one of the tall redwoods. He looked peaceful.

 

“Are you alright?” Jared asked. He didn’t want to disturb Jensen but they’d had a lot of wine and there was the possibility that the alcohol was just catching up to Jensen.

 

“I expected it to be soft,” Jensen said, hand pressed against the bark.

 

“What?”

 

Jensen opened his eyes and focused them on the tree trunk. “At home, we have trees like these. Well, they’re not like them, but they look similar. They’re not as tall, and thicker, much thicker in the trunk, but the way they grow, the trunk narrowing in height and the leaves up high — they’re similar.”

 

“Okay,” Jared said slowly, unsure why he was getting a lesson in botany.

 

“They have a soft bark,” Jensen said. “They look so strong, able to withstand every storm, every fire, but their bark is soft, almost fuzzy like one of your peaches. But everything here, no matter how similar it might look, is different from home.”

 

“I’m sorry,” Jared said helplessly.

 

Jensen let out a short and harsh laugh. “It’s not your fault.”

 

Silence fell between them. Jared’s mind was racing, searching for words to comfort Jensen, but what was there to say? 

 

“Actually,” Jensen said quietly. “None of this is your fault. And I — I was harsh to you. I shouldn’t have been.”

 

“No, Jensen that’s okay, I—”

 

“No, I was cold and mean, even though I could see that you tried.”

 

“Jensen, it’s alright.”

 

“Dammit, would you just let me apologize for once?”

 

Jared froze, mouth half open to tell Jensen it was all already forgotten. He closed his mouth again. “You can,” he said finally, “I mean, you are. I don’t—”

 

Desperately, Jensen looked up to the canopy of trees. “Spirits, give me strength,” he muttered, then he turned to Jared. “Is this a Scayen thing or is this a you thing?”

 

“What?” Jared asked carefully.

 

“That every time when I apologize, you brush it off, like it doesn’t mean anything.”

 

“Yeah, because—” Jared stopped. “Wait, if I would apologize to you, what would you say?”

 

“I’d give you my attention, I’d tell you that I hear you, that I accept.”

 

“Oh.” Jared was stumped. He remembered now, that Jensen had said that, “I hear you,” and it had confused him.

 

“Okay, so here — because it’s a Scayen thing, not a me-thing — we say ‘it’s nothing’, or ‘it’s alright’, or ‘it’s already forgotten’. It means we forgive.”

 

Jensen stared at Jared, completely horrified. “So, every time, you told me it’s nothing, that was you accepting my apology?”

 

“Yeah,” Jared said simply. He wasn’t sure why this was horrible news for Jensen. Had he thought Jared hadn’t accepted his apologies?

 

“Okay,” Jensen said, and started pacing, a deep crease between his brows. He stalked up and down between the redwoods with hard, clipped steps.

 

Jared watched in growing confusion. “Jensen,” he said after awhile, “you’re kind of worrying me here.”

 

Jensen stopped. “Okay,” he said again. “I need to  — can you do something for me?”

 

“Of course.”

 

“I need to apologize. And I need you to hear me. Not tell me it’s all okay, it’s all nothing — I need you to really hear me.”

 

Slowly Jared nodded. “Sure. Whatever you need.”

 

Quickly, Jensen stepped up to Jared and took his hand, left in left. Their rings clicked and Jared stared in amazement down at where they were actually touching. Jensen’s grip was warm and firm.

 

“I apologize.”

 

“Jensen, you don’t need to—” 

 

“Shut up Jared, you promised.”

 

Jared shut his mouth and forced himself to look at Jensen and keep it shut. Jensen’s beautiful features were tense with distress but he was looking at Jared without hesitation.

 

“I apologize for being rude. And cold. And dismissive. You welcomed me here, you wanted to build bridges and I shut you out.”

 

Jared couldn’t help it, he opened his mouth to protest but Jensen raised a finger and pressed it against his lips. Jared didn’t dare breathe.

 

“I know, you promised things you didn’t keep and you had no idea — you didn’t know  _ anything _ about me or my people. But you tried. And yes, it was painful and awkward, but I should have been more open. I should have tried harder, I shouldn’t have shut you out like I did. And for that, I apologize.”

 

Jared waited for a moment, then he drew away from Jensen’s hand. There were so many things he wanted to say. He wanted to tell Jensen how sorry he was that he screwed it up and that he understood Jensen, who was so far way from home, but he didn’t.

 

Instead, he inclined his head. “I hear you,” he said solemnly. 

 

Jensen inclined his head. “Thank you.”

 

“And I forgive you.”

 

Jensen rolled his eyes but he looked more fond than annoyed. Jared took it as a victory.

 

In the silence between them, the air grew heavy. It wasn’t awkward or painful but filled with a buzzing anticipation. Jared wanted nothing more but to lean in for another kiss but they were alone. It wouldn’t be for show, it would be just for them. While he was still debating, Jensen half-turned and started to walk towards the tree. Jared suppressed a sigh and followed. 

 

They walked among the trees, the sounds of the festivities a distant hum. 

 

“Do you like it at least?” Jared asked impetuously.

 

Startled, Jensen turn to him. “What?”

 

“Earlier, you said everything is different here.” Jared gestured at the trees, at the landscape around them. “Do you like it at least?”

 

Jensen nodded. “I do. Your nature is beautiful. And yes, it’s way too hot and your people touch each other way too much, but it’s nice.”

 

“Do you miss home?”

 

Jensen gave Jared disbelieving look. “Of course.”

 

“Then why did you come here?”

 

“Because I was going to marry you,” Jensen said slowly, clearly not understanding the question.

 

Something terrible occurred to Jared then. “You didn’t volunteer.” It came out as a statement, not a question. “But I don’t get it,” he rambled on, the words tumbling out of his mouth. “My parents said you’d offered — your family offered for you to come here, before my parents could even start negotiating a living arrangement. They fully expected to arrange a half-year deal, you know, summer in Alenda, winter in Scayen, but your parents offered for you to come here, to—”

 

Jared broke off when he saw the look on Jensen’s face, open and vulnerable and pained.

 

“Jensen?”

 

“My parents decided it would be best if I came here, to live with you and your family,” he said, his voice tight. “They didn’t ask for my opinion.”

 

Jared sucked in a breath. “Shit. I’m sorry. Look, we can still do that, go to your home, spend time there, we can—”

 

“No!” Violently, Jensen cut him off. “No, this is better.”

 

“How is this better? You miss your home, you just said so!”

 

“It’s not so bad,” Jensen said stubbornly. “And I like Scayen. I like the nature and the food.”

 

“That’s not—”

 

“And I like you.”

 

“You can like me in Alenda,” Jared replied before he realized what Jensen had just said. “Wait, you do?”

 

Jensen looked up to the sky as if someone up there could save him from Jared’s ignorance. “Yes, Jared, I like you.” 

 

Jared beamed brightly at him. “I like you too.”

 

For a moment, they stood between the trees, Jared grinning like an idiot and Jensen giving him a fond smile.

 

“Wanna watch the sunrise together? It’s a tradition for newlyweds.” Jared didn’t explain that the reason behind that was that newlyweds didn’t sleep when they shared a bed during their first nights together, meaning they’d be awake until sunrise until they finally keeled over from exhaustion, but Jensen didn’t need to know that.

 

“Yeah. I’m sure it’s beautiful.”

 

Jared nodded and approached the tree growing at the western outcrop of the grove. It wasn’t a tall redwood but a shorter pine tree. Its branches grew low enough for them to grab. Jared went first but he wasn’t worried about Jensen. He climbed rocks and troughs, he’d be able to climb a tree.

 

Jared climbed until he reached the canopy and found two thick branches growing out of the trunk right next to each other. He sat down on one of them, back leaning against the bark and Jensen climbed up beside him. Together, they watched the sky in the east lighten, watched a soft azure veil span the horizon, pushing the night’s pitch black sky away.

“You were great today,” Jared said into the silence. “You’ll do great here. I know it’s not your home, but maybe you’ll think of Scayen like that some day.”

 

“I will.” Jensen’s voice carried a hint of sadness but it was firm.

 

They kept sitting in the tree, watching the sun appear on the horizon, lighting up the sky in soft yellow and orange tones. Jared watched Jensen’s face in the shadows. It was softer than he was used to, even though he could spot hints of stubble growing on his cheeks. He’d never seen Jensen anything but clean shaven, like was customary in Scayen, and he’d never thought about Jensen having a beard but he thought it would suit him. Maybe men in Alenda grew beards to keep their faces warm in winter?

 

Jensen caught him looking. “What is it?”

 

“Nothing,” Jared said. He didn't want to disturb what felt like concord between them on the chance that a question about beards would somehow be insensitive.

 

Jensen kept looking at him, searching his face, and whatever he found there made him lean in. It had happened enough during the day that Jared knew what was happening but he still froze, didn’t dare to move in case Jensen changed his mind. He didn't.

 

He kissed Jared, soft but sure, lips on lips, pressing in and withdrawing before coming back for more. Jared responded in kind, wouldn’t be able to stop himself even if he wanted to, because kissing Jensen felt amazing. Tentatively, he reached for Jensen, slid his hand up Jensen’s arm to his shoulder. Jensen leaned in closer then, one of his hands resting on Jared’s thigh like a hot brand.

 

It made Jared bolder, hungry for Jensen’s touch. He let his hands explore the shape of Jensen’s shoulders and his neck, brush against the soft hairs on his neck. Jensen mirrored him and Jared couldn't suppress a groan when Jensen’s hands threaded through his hair. He pulled Jensen in closer and their kisses became harder and more insistent. Jensen tugged on his hair, the sting of it shooting down Jared’s spine. Gripping Jensen’s hips, Jared tried to pull him tighter — he needed pressure and friction and for a moment, Jensen came closer, then he wobbled and pulled back.

 

“Jared, careful, we’re still in a tree.”

 

Shit, Jared had forgotten about that. “Sorry. We should maybe—”

 

“Just let me,” Jensen murmured and then half-raised up and swung a leg over Jared’s, sliding into his lap.

 

“Fuck.”

 

Jensen grinned, his eyes twinkling in the rising sun, and leaned back in. He kissed Jared, sucking on his bottom lip before he slipped in his tongue, exploring Jared’s mouth. Jared got his hands on Jensen’s hips, pulling him deeper into his lap. Finally, there was friction against his aching dick and it gave him a rush of pleasure to find Jensen hard too.

 

With a muffled sound, Jensen started grinding down and for a moment, Jared feared he’d lose all coordination and fall out of the tree. Then Jensen swirled his hips and Jared forgot about the fucking tree. He bit at Jensen’s full bottom lip, heard Jensen moan, and he wanted to hear that sound again and again. He pushed Jensen back and mouthed down his chin and neck, licking over the point where he could feel Jensen’s pulse hammering away under his skin, matching the fast rhythm of Jared’s own heart. Jared sucked on the spot and Jensen groaned, bearing down harder on Jared’s lap.

 

Jared trailed his mouth lower, reached the edge of Jensen’s shirt and he lifted a hand to undo the top button. Above him, Jensen froze. Then his hand caught Jared’s.

 

Jared stilled, looked up into Jensen’s eyes, his dark pupils eating up the green iris. 

 

“What?”

 

“You can’t,” Jensen started, swallowed. “I can’t — not my clothes.”

 

“But,” Jared sputtered, not exactly sure how to respond to that. “We’re kissing. And I want to kiss you everywhere.”

 

Jensen drew back, wobbled, his hand shooting forward to grip Jared’s shoulder. The force of it pulled Jared away from the trunk and, for a moment, they balanced precariously on the tree branch until Jared jerked back, Jensen falling against him.

 

“Maybe we should get out of this tree,” Jensen said quietly.

 

Jared banged his head back against the bark, trying to come down from the high he’d just been on. “Maybe we should.”

 

He had no idea what was going on; Jensen had kissed him, Jensen was the one who’d climbed into his lap, but what, Jared couldn’t even undo a few buttons? In made no sense to Jared, but when Jensen carefully climbed off of him and started to make his way down the tree, he figured now was not the time to ask.

 

Down on the ground they stood, once again, in awkward silence.

 

“Look, I’m sorry,” Jared said, “but you’re kind of sending mixed signals here.”

 

Jensen looked at him, outraged. “Mixed signals? At what point did I indicate that I wanted to undress in front of you?”

 

“I don’t know, maybe when you basically rode me up in that fucking tree?”

 

Jensen shook his head, expression disbelieving. “That has nothing to do with this!”

 

Agitated, Jared dragged a hand through his hair. “How does it not? Sex kinda means taking off your clothes.”

 

If possible, Jensen’s expression became even more disbelieving. “Sex? Who said anything about sex?”

 

Helplessly, Jared pointed up the tree. “But, up there, you—”

 

“I kissed you!” Jensen almost yelled. “I thought we were getting closer, having some kind of moment.”

 

“So did I!” Jared shouted back.

 

“Just because we had a moment, doesn't mean I am going to reveal myself to you!”

 

Frustrated, Jared threw his hands up. “I don't even know what that means! What does that  _ mean _ , Jensen?”

 

Jensen closed his eyes and took a deep breath. “Do you remember how I told you, on our wedding night, how being intimate with someone, how undressing is something sacred, something special to our people?”

 

“But we just were intimate!” Jared protested.

 

Jensen shook his head with a dejected expression. “Kissing, making out, that’s not the same as baring your soul to someone.”

 

“Baring your soul?” Jared asked baffled. He had never thought about sex like that.

 

“It’s because of our tattoos!” Jensen ground out.

 

“And see, I have no idea what that means.” Jared pointed at Jensen who was opening his mouth, probably to berate Jared again about not knowing anything about Alendan culture. “And I tried to find out, okay? I scoured every fucking book in the library — but I told you, there was nothing about tattoos. And there was nothing about sex or intimacy either. I guess your people don’t tell anyone about that, so how the fuck should I know?”

 

Jensen opened his mouth, then closed it again. His expression went from angry to thoughtful, then closed-off. Jared was starting to hate this carefully neutral facade.

 

“So…” His voice was stilted. “You read books?”

 

“Yes, I fucking read books,” Jared said exasperatedly. “I admit, I only read them after you got here and we fought, but I tried. But there wasn’t really a lot of information available, okay? So just, talk to me. Give me some kind of map, a list, tell me what I can do and say and what I can’t, because being with you is like walking across a geyser field, never knowing when one will blow up. I swear, Jensen, I’m trying, but you need to give me something.”

 

Jensen ground his jaw, then he straightened up. “You’re right. I apologize.”

 

“You don’t need to—” Jared stopped himself. “I hear you,” he said instead. 

 

“I will tell you, about the tattoos,” Jensen said haltingly. “If you’ll still listen.”

 

“Of course I’ll listen.” Jared managed a half-grin. “Because I really want to know why you kissed me. And if there’s a chance of it happening again.”

 

Jensen looked at him incredulously. “Are you… flirting?”

 

Jared shrugged. “Just trying to lighten the mood.”

 

For a moment, Jensen stared, then a short laugh burst out of him. “You’re unbelievable.”

 

“Good or bad?”

 

“Good.” He tilted his head. “Maybe.”

 

Jared wanted to protest when he realized he was being teased. “You’re a quick study,” he told Jensen.

 

“I’m learning from the best.”

 

Jared beamed. “Thanks.”

 

Jensen gave him a mischievous look. “I meant Chad.”

 

Jared clutched his chest. “That’s just mean. And I think you’re stalling.”

 

Jensen’s expression sobered immediately. “Can we do this later? It’s complicated and we should get back, shouldn’t we?”

 

Jared nodded. “Yeah.” He was dying of curiousity, and another piece of the puzzle that was Jensen was so close but Jensen was right. The harvest festival was a two day event and as the guests of honor they couldn’t just disappear. They were late as it was but he was hoping their newlywed status would save them from reprimand. “Okay. Let’s go back to the festivities. There should be a giant breakfast buffet by now and I’m starving.”

 

They walked back towards the grove. Around them the birds were chirping and the sun was slowly starting to break through the trees, here and there throwing patches of bright light on the mossy ground.

 

When they neared the clearing, Jared could hear people laughing and talking, and the clattering of dishes. He looked over to Jensen and saw a twig clinging to his hair. He reached over and plucked it free.

 

“So, people are probably going to think that we…”

 

“That’s not a bad thing, is it?”

 

Jared shook his head. “No, no, it’s a good thing. But they will comment.”

 

Jensen’s expression was extremely long-suffering but he walked on. “ _ Scayens _ ,” he muttered under his breath, but he didn’t sound too annoyed.

 

Sure enough, when they entered the clearing, there was a round of whistling and cheering. Chad was the loudest.

 

“Fuck, Jared, did you guys actually climb a tree?”

 

Jared cut a look to Jensen. “Do I have something in my hair?” 

 

“Several things, actually,” Jensen said with a barely suppressed smile. Then he reached over and started carefully extracting twigs and pieces of bark out of Jared’s hair.

 

The people around them cheered even louder and a girl holding a guitar started playing a simple melody and sang, “Jared and Jensen, sitting in a tree… ”

 

“Alright, that’s enough,” Jared hollered. “We climbed the tree for the sunrise. We’re not suicidal.”

 

Jensen looked at him, and his smile seemed a little forced but he opened his mouth and said, “Speak for yourself. I have an excellent sense of balance.”

 

The people laughed and applauded, and Jared felt intensely grateful that despite everything, Jensen was still playing along, still trying to make this work. He hadn’t realized before but all of this, yesterday, and this night, it had to mean that Jensen really wanted to make it — make them — work.

 

So Jared took his husband's hand and led him over to the buffet. “Come on, you must be hungry.”

 

“Starving,” Jensen said with a wink.

 

Jared almost stumbled over his own feet and Chad couldn’t stop laughing.

 

 

 

 

 

At some point during the breakfast, Chris emerged from the trees and Chad didn’t hold back with the ribbing. Chris took all of it with a stoic expression, but when Chad stood to refill his plate, Chris hooked a foot under Chad’s knee and Chad went down in a tumble of dishes.

 

Jared snorted into his wine and Jensen grinned smugly. “Never mess with Chris,” he told Jared quietly, who could only agree.

 

“So, what are we doing the rest of the day?” Jensen asked.

 

“We’ll finish eating, then everybody will rest or nap because no one really got any sleep last night, and then tonight, we take apart the trough and burn it,” Jared explained.

 

Jensen nodded, barely able to hide a yawn. “I never considered napping before I came here, but with the heat I understand why it’s a thing in Scayen.”

 

 

As they were the guests of honor, the villagers had reserved and decorated the best room at the inn for Jared and Jensen. The whole room was decorated with grapevines, even the giant four poster bed. Which was the only bed in the room.

 

Someone had already brought their bags and Jensen was standing over one of his, slowly searching for his sleep shirt.

 

“I, erm, will go downstairs, get something to drink,” Jared mumbled and left to give Jensen privacy. When he returned with a pitcher filled with orange and lemon water, Jensen was already lying in bed, the cool silk sheet drawn up to his chest and his eyes closed.

 

“Jensen?” Jared asked quietly.

 

Jensen breathed evenly and didn’t stir.

 

As quietly as he could, Jared set down the pitcher and took off his pants and shirt. Only in his underwear, he climbed into bed with Jensen. It was big enough that they didn’t have to touch. With a sigh, Jared curled up on his side. His mind was racing with everything that had happened during the night, but he was so tired, he fell asleep immediately. 

 

 

Jared woke because something soft was tickling his nose. He managed to blink his eyes open and saw a shock of dark blond hair right in front of his face. He froze, realizing he was pressed up against Jensen’s back. At some point during their nap, Jared had turned over and apparently cuddled up to Jensen’s back. They were lying pressed together from shoulder to knee. Jared could feel Jensen’s body rise with every breath, could feel the curve of his ass pressed against Jared’s dick which was quickly taking an interest. Shit.

 

Carefully, Jared tried to move back. Jensen made a sleepy sound and burrowed back against Jared’s chest. Jared stilled, didn’t even dare breathe until Jensen settled again. He debated moving, but really, he was warm and comfortable and at least in his sleep Jensen didn’t seem to mind. And holding Jensen like this, having him in his arms, feeling him breathe and his heart beat, Jared couldn’t let go of that. He wasn’t sure if it would blow up in his face if Jensen woke, but for now, he’d enjoy it. With his face buried in the soft hairs at the nape of Jensen’s neck and one arm slung around his middle, Jared dozed off again.

 

 

He woke when Jensen pulled away from him. 

 

“Sorry.” Jensen’s voice was sleep rough and his hair was ruffled adorably. “I didn’t mean to—” he gestured between them.

 

“No need to apologize,” Jared said and added, before Jensen could scold him for not taking his apology seriously, “because I like it.”

 

Jensen looked at him with raised eyebrows. “You liked it?”

 

“Yes.”

 

“It’s hot, I haven’t washed since yesterday morning and you enjoy cuddling me.”

 

“Yes,” Jared said again. “I’m a cuddly person and you are very enjoyable to cuddle.”

 

Jensen just shook his head and stood. He was dressed in a thin, loose shirt and equally thin and loose pants. They clung to Jensen's body in very interesting places and Jared swallowed and looked away.

 

“Is there a place where I can wash up?” Jensen asked, oblivious to Jared’s predicament. Just as well, Jensen didn’t need to know Jared still got an erection as embarrassingly fast as when he was fourteen.

 

“There’s a shower alcove behind that curtain,” Jared said and pointed to the yellow curtain hanging from the wall. 

 

Jensen walked over to it and pulled it to the side to reveal a broad alcove and several buckets hanging from the ceiling. There was a stool standing next to it, and Jensen picked a few fresh clothes out of his bag and deposited them there. Then, fully clothed, he disappeared behind the curtain, only to throw his sleep clothes out onto the floo r. For a moment, Jared could see Jensen’s naked and well-muscled arm reach out to drop his clothes. The skin was just as pale as on his leg,  and on the inside of his arm, just below his elbow, Jared could make out a dark shape — another tattoo. Jared hadn’t known that arms could be an arousing sight, but his dick certainly thought so. Great. 

 

He ran through his mental catalog of disgusting things until he could finally get out of bed without embarrassing himself. Through the thin curtain, he could hear the water running. Jensen was very frugal and only used two buckets. Then his naked arm appeared once again from behind the curtain to reach for a towel and his clothes, and Jared quickly turned away. He could never tell Chad about this; he wouldn’t hear the end of it.

 

When Jensen came out, fully clothed in a pair of tight black pants, made even tighter by the dampness still clinging to his skin, and a silvery-gray shirt, Jared quickly pulled off his clothes and fled into the shower. Behind him, he heard Jensen make a strangled noise and he only realised under the water that he’d just revealed his naked ass to Jensen.

 

Well, as Chad always said, Jared had a cute butt and that gasp hadn’t sounded that scandalized. And after last night he knew that Jensen wanted him, was at least physically attracted to him. Jared could work with that.

 

He washed himself quickly but carefully, and there was a lot of dirt still coming out of his hair. The water between his feet turned red from the grape juice residue and he had to use four buckets to get it all off. He had no idea how Jensen had managed with only two.

 

Jared left the alcove with just a towel wrapped around his waist, walked over to his bags, pulled out his clean clothes and dressed right there.

 

“So, I know you don’t want to undress in front of me, and that’s fine of course, but you’re not bothered when I get naked, are you?”

 

“No, of course not,” Jensen said behind him and his voice sounded a little pressed. 

 

When Jared looked back, Jensen was studiously rummaging around in his bag, not watching Jared. Jared grinned. He was definitely getting somewhere. Then he remembered how he’d gotten somewhere last night and how that had crashed and burned spectacularly.

 

“Will you tell me about the tattoos now?”

 

Startled, Jensen turned around. “Yes, I can do that.”

 

A knock at the door interrupted them and Jared let out an impatient “what?”

 

The door opened and Chad poked his head in. “It’s time to go, man. The sun’s setting soon.”

 

Jared cursed under his breath and started to look for a clean pair of socks. They wouldn’t start the ceremony without their prince, but it was still disrespectful to be late.

 

So Jared got dressed in a hurry and then dragged Jensen out of their room. They’d have to put off their talk, again.

 

 

 

 

In the clearing, a group of people had already lined up with axes along the troughs. The mayor ceremoniously offered a beautiful axe, the handle engraved with an intricate design, to Jensen, who took it in surprise.

 

“You are our honored guest,” the mayor said, “as our prince and as a prince from our cherished neighbors in the north. Please, do us the honor of the first strike.”

 

“Thank you,” Jensen said solemnly, his voice carrying across the clearing with no difficulty. “You have been nothing but kind to me, and even though I already knew that the people of Scayen are incredibly hospitable, I have been overwhelmed in the best sense by the welcome I have received here in Mons Arbor. It will be my honor to carry out the first strike.”

 

The mayor beamed all over his round face and the crowd cheered. Jensen stepped to the largest trough, raised his arms, and with an effortless looking swing, brought the heavy axe down against the trough’s wall. The wood splintered, the axe digging deep into the fibers. With a jerk, he pulled the axe out again, the muscles of his back visibly contracting under his thin, sweat-soaked shirt.

 

Three more swings, and a piece of the trough came loose and tumbled to the ground. Jensen turned to Jared and threw him a questioning look. Jared realized that usually, he and the others should have joined in after the first swing but it seemed everybody was captivated by the beautiful prince from the north who handled this axe like he’d done nothing his entire life but chop wood.

 

“So, anywhere in particular you learned to handle an axe?” Jared asked when he’d finally walked up to Jensen.

 

“You need a lot of wood for heat in the Alendan winter,” Jensen said. “Everybody helps out.”

 

That made a lot of sense. Jared raised his own axe and started chopping.

 

“You’re not doing so bad either,” Jensen commented after a while. 

 

Jared grinned and wiped the sweat off his forehead. “Jim expanded the stables when I was sixteen and he made Chad and me help him after we complained about having to move our horses. I’m actually pretty good at construction.”

 

When the last planks were splintered apart, everyone helped to drag the stained wood to the fire pit that had been prepared. The pieces of trough were too damp to burn well, so they were stacked on a bed of glimmering coals and dry logs were pushed between the grape juice soaked planks.

 

It didn’t take long for the fire to burn hot and bright, the flames licking high towards the dark night sky, throwing long shadows dancing over the clearing and the trees. Everybody gathered around it in a large circle and then the band started playing. They sang harvest songs, songs to greet the cool winter winds, songs that celebrated love and growth. 

 

Jared took Jensen’s hand and Jensen squeezed it gently. When the fire had reached an acceptable but still challenging height, Jared stood.

 

“Ready?” he asked Jensen.

 

“I thought you’d never ask.”

 

Jared snorted and took up a position that gave him enough room to take a running start. He raised his arms over his head and the people started clapping rhythmically. 

 

He whipped back and forth on his heels with the rhythm, then he ran and jumped through the flames. Hot waves brushed past his body and then he landed safely on the other side. He’d just run a few more steps when Jensen landed behind him with a soft thump. 

 

The people applauded, and then Chad jumped through the flame, followed by Chris. That was apparently the signal for the other people to line up, men and women, to jump through the fire. 

 

Jensen gave Jared a bright grin. “Again?”

 

“Again.”

 

 

They jumped and jumped, until the fire slowly died down. A little girl, maybe ten years old, had been watching them attentively and Jensen walked over her and bent down to talk to her. Jared thought he recognized her — it was the girl who had given Jensen the flower crown. Now he led her to the fire and together they ran towards it. A woman who was probably the mother let out a shriek, but Jensen had the little girl’s hand firmly in his own and they jumped over the flames at the edge of the fire, where they weren’t higher than a few inches. The girl laughed in delight and pumped her fist in the air. 

 

Everybody who was watching applauded and that gave the rest of the children the courage to step forward. So Jared copied Jensen and took a boy who looked a little hesitant but eager by the hand and jumped the fire with him.

 

Usually only the adults jumped, maybe a few daring teenagers, but more and more people followed Jensen’s example and took a child by the hand to jump over the fire with them. 

 

Later, when everyone was tired and the children were falling asleep in the grass, Jared grabbed a bottle of wine and led Jensen into the forest.

 

They sat down on a boulder between the large redwoods and passed the bottle back and forth between them.

 

“That was a great idea, with the children. I think it might become a new tradition,” Jared said. He’d talked to a few people who all assured him they loved it and said how great it was of Prince Jensen to include the children in the ceremony.

 

“Like I said, I jumped the fire when I was six. It’s good to challenge yourself when you’re young,” Jensen said.

 

“Seems like it is,” Jared said slowly. In the silence that followed, he couldn’t help but think of their conversation before, and now, they were finally on their own, with nobody to interrupt them. “So, about the tattoos…”

 

Jensen licked his lips, possibly the hottest nervous tick Jared had ever seen, and sat up straighter. “In Alenda, we take communication with the spirits more seriously than you do here. I’m not saying that’s wrong, it’s just different.”

 

Jared nodded encouragingly.

 

“Our conjurers are a mix of mage and priestess. They communicate with the spirits but they also help us communicate. When a child is born, a conjurer will call on the spirits to protect the child and to do that, they forge a connection with the land that is branded into our skin.”

 

Slowly Jensen bent down and took off his left boot. Jared looked down at the black lines wrapping around Jensen’s ankle and disappearing under his pants. 

 

“They plant the seed, and as we grow, the tattoo grows with us.”

 

Jared looked closer and realized the lines were actually roots wrapping around his ankle, merging together directly over the bone into a broad trunk.

 

“Every year, on our birthday, we go to the mage and they call to the spirits to brand our life into our skin,” Jensen continued. “The plant that grows reveals much about your personality, but other images can also appear, when something significant happens to you, when you feel strong emotions, when you love someone, when someone close to you dies. It all reveals itself on your skin.”

 

“It’s like a map to your life then,” Jared said, and he finally understood why Jensen was so hesitant to undress.

 

“If I show you, you’d know everything about me,” he said quietly.

 

“There’s nothing that could change how I feel about you,” Jared said with conviction.

 

Jensen snorted but his eyes were sad. “You know nothing about me, Jared.”

 

“Yes, I do,” Jared said stubbornly. “I know you’re kind, you’re a good statesman. I know that you try everything, no matter how repulsive it looks to you. You’re brave. I know that you’re proud, that you don’t want to show weakness. I know that you’re honorable, that you have a great sense of duty. And I know that you have a mean wit.”

 

Jensen let out a short and harsh laugh.

 

“And even if I were to find something I don’t like,” Jared said quietly, “that’s okay, too. No one’s perfect.”

 

Jensen looked up at him with stormy eyes. Jared thought he looked torn, disbelieving, but hopeful.

 

“Just let me figure it out. And then, when I know, you can show me.”

 

“How do you have such a big heart?” Jensen’s voice was filled with wonder.

 

“Because the reward is pretty awesome.”

 

In the darkness between the trees, Jensen took Jared’s face between his hands and kissed him, hard, with a sharp edge of desperation. And Jared understood; Jensen wanted to let him in, he just didn’t know how. That was okay, Jared thought when he gripped Jensen’s hip and pulled him in tight. They’d figure it out.

 

 

 

 

They didn’t pull apart until they were panting heavily and their lips were swollen from kissing. Jared needed a moment to get himself under control and to his delight, Jensen didn’t seem to be doing much better.

 

“Should we go back?” Jared asked.

 

“Yeah.”

 

They walked in silence until something occurred to Jared. “You realize that I wouldn't understand what any of the symbols mean, right? Whatever is on your body, I probably wouldn’t understand its significance.”

 

“Yes. But it’s still—” Jensen stopped and struggled to find the words. “It’s intensely personal. I’d be baring my entire life, my soul to you. Only a handful of people have seen the tattoos and I’ve known them my entire life.”

 

Jared had to fight a sudden rush of irrational jealousy. Around the lump in his throat, he asked, “Who has seen them?”

 

“My parents, of course, and my siblings, when I was younger. When you’re a child, it’s not such a big deal. Since I hit puberty, only Chris and Dani. Chris is always with me and we share a deep bond. And Dani is my mark-sister.”

 

“What does that mean?”

 

“We were born on the same day,” Jensen explained. “So every day on our birthday, we go to the conjurers together, and they summon the tattoos to mark us.”

 

“Does everyone have a mark-sister or brother?”

 

Jensen shook his head. “No. It’s a gift from the spirits, to have someone to share that with.”

 

Jared considered that, this intimacy in a world where such a thing seemed to be so rare.

 

“Do you love her?”

 

“Yes.” Jensen didn’t even hesitate.

 

“Did you want to marry her?” Jared forced himself to ask.

 

Jensen gave him a confused look. “No. I love Dani like you love Chad.”

 

“Oh.”

 

“I like men you know,” Jensen said with a small grin.

 

“Some people like both,” Jared pointed out.

 

Jensen shrugged. “I don’t.”

 

Jared laughed. “Yeah, me neither.” He hesitated, but he really wanted to know if all this physical contact would continue. “So, about you kissing me…”

 

Jensen sighed. “I like you. I find you attractive. And you can have fun without taking your clothes off. I thought that maybe you’d like that. But if you don’t, if that’s not how people do it here, then—”

 

“No, no no!” Jared hastened to interrupt Jensen. “I was just, I assumed differently, and I’m sorry, but I liked kissing you and making out with you and we can totally do it again. And if you want to leave your clothes on that’s fine. I just need to know the rules.”

 

Slowly, Jensen licked his lips and Jared couldn’t help but stare.

 

“It means a lot, that you’re willing to bend on this.”

 

“I just hope that someday, you’ll trust me enough to show me.”

 

Jensen took a deep breath. “I want that. I want to trust you like that and I think I will, someday. But it’s something that takes time. In Alenda, couples are usually engaged for a year before they’re married.”

 

“A year!” Jared exclaimed. He and Jensen had married after two days in each other’s company, and even now, not even three full months had passed. No wonder Jensen was still so hesitant to open up to Jared. “I can wait a year,” he said. He might die of blue balls, but for Jensen, he’d wait as long as it took.

 

Jensen just gave him a smile, then leaned in and kissed him. “Thank you.”

 

Jared pulled back. “You’re welcome.”

 

Jensen eyed him in confusion. “So you don't want to…”

 

“Yes, I do! I just… rules?”

 

“Oh.” A soft flush spread over Jensen’s cheeks. “Well, we can do whatever we want but I can’t take off my clothes. I mean, you’ve already seen my feet, so that’s, that's alright, I guess, but not my pants or shirt.”

 

Jared thought about it. “I can’t see, but can I touch?”

 

“How do you mean?”

 

Jared reached out, his hand hovering next to Jensen’s hip. “Could I slide my hand under your shirt?”

 

Jensen sucked in a breath, staring at Jared’s hand.

 

“I don’t have to.” Hurriedly, Jared withdrew his hand.

 

“No, I—” Again, Jensen licked his lips and again, Jared had to concentrate on the really serious and important conversation they were having. “I guess you can. It’s just, skin on skin…”

 

“Okay, how about I won’t,” Jared said. “And if at some point you want me to touch you, you just tell me and I’ll happily oblige.” 

 

Relieved, Jensen smiled. “Okay. That works.”

 

“So,” Jared said, suddenly in no hurry to get back to the inn. The night was warm and the mossy ground was soft.

 

Jensen‘s smile morphed into a grin that promised Jared all kinds of things to come.

 

“Yeah.” Jensen’s voice was hoarse and once again he stepped in to kiss Jared. It was different this time, still insistent, but there was a drive to it, a promise, and Jared reached out hungrily.

 

They kissed, hot and messy, and when Jensen pressed in closer, Jared tried to lean back against a tree but he slid along the bark and they tumbled to the ground instead. Jared laughed against Jensen’s mouth and Jensen laughed with him. Then he crawled over Jared and straddled his lap and Jared’s laughter abruptly died off. 

 

Instead, he kissed Jensen, down his throat and searched for that spot that had made him moan up in the tree last night. Jensen let his head fall back, exposing his throat to Jared while his hands found their way back to Jared’s hair.

 

He ground down into Jared’s lap, delicious friction against Jared’s quickly hardening dick. Jared grabbed Jensen’s hips to pull him in tighter, felt the hard muscles of his stomach under the thin material of the shirt. 

 

Jensen bent down, seeking out Jared’s bottom lip, sucking it into his mouth and gently biting on it. Then he moved lower, tonguing the spot under Jared’s ear and Jared couldn’t do much but try to keep breathing. 

 

This was nothing like they’d done yesterday; this was quickly nearing the point of no return.

 

“Jensen,” Jared panted out, “we need to stop.”

 

“Why?” Jensen asked but didn’t stop kissing Jared, didn’t stop grinding his hips against Jared’s pelvis.

 

“Because I’m going to really embarrass myself.”

 

“I don’t understand.” Jensen’s fingers tightened in Jared’s hair, his short fingernails scratching along Jared’s scalp and Jared almost went out of his mind.

 

“If we don’t stop — fuck — I’m gonna come in my pants.”

 

“I don’t see a problem with that.” Jensen’s voice was dark and low, right next to Jared’s ear and he never stopped moving his hips in a rhythm that drove Jared crazy. “I thought that was the plan.”

 

“Oh,” Jared breathed out. Jensen just hummed in agreement, the soft vibration shocking Jared’s skin and sending shivers down his spine. 

 

“I told you,” Jensen murmured into Jared’s neck, then moved up to kiss him again, “we can do anything.” He emphasized his point by bearing down harder and Jared gave up trying to hold back.

 

He hadn’t come in his pants since he was a teenager, but right now, he didn’t give a shit. He wanted this with Jensen and if that was all he got, that was more than fine. This, right here with Jensen, was already hotter than any sex he’d ever had.

 

Jensen was a hot, writhing weight in his lap, dragging his dick along Jared’s, the pressure just shy of enough, a constant tease that was winding Jared up in circles. Jensen’s kisses were stealing all his air and the scratch of his fingers against his scalp were setting his body on fire. 

 

Desperately, Jared clutched at Jensen’s hips, dug his fingers into the swell of his ass, and Jensen moaned low in his throat. The sound went straight to Jared’s dick and he kissed Jensen hard, bending him back in his arms, his body arching in a sinuous curve. The angle pushed Jensen deeper into his lap, put more friction on his aching cock.

 

“Fuck, Jensen.”

 

“Yes.” Jensen’s voice was raw and triumphant. “Come on.”

 

Jared bucked up against Jensen’s body, holding him tight and watching his beautiful face in the moonlight, mouth half open and sweat glistening on his skin, gathering at the base of his throat. Jared pushed up, bit at the skin there, licked up the salty sweat and Jensen’s breathing sped up, harsh pants that mirrored the quick beating of Jared’s heart. 

 

He was so close but he wanted Jensen to fall over the edge with him, wanted him to fall apart in his arms. Jensen was clutching desperately at him, his movements becoming choppier, but he was still riding Jared’s dick, pushing them towards the edge.

 

“I want you—” Jared managed to get out, sliding his hands around to cup Jensen’s ass, pushing his fingers down between his legs, and Jensen fell forwards, panting against Jared’s neck, and biting into the skin behind his ear when he came with a muffled moan.

 

It sent a shock through Jared’s body, and when he felt the wetness seep through the front of Jensen’s pants, the damp fabric pressing against his own dick, and Jensen shoved his hips against Jared’s again and again, riding the aftershocks of his orgasm, Jared’s whole body tensed and he came long and hard.

 

They were both panting heavily; they were sweaty and sticky but Jared didn’t care. This was Jensen, sweaty and sticky and panting in his arms. He grinned and pressed a kiss against Jensen’s temple.

 

“Good?” Jensen asked hoarsely. “I know it’s not sex, but—”

 

“Very good,” Jared said, and his voice was still rough. “And trust me, this definitely counts as sex.”

 

Jensen laughed, low and raspy, and Jared kissed him again, just because he could. It was a long time before they got off the forest floor and made their way back to their room. They cleaned up and then crawled into bed together, and when Jared hesitantly reached out for Jensen, Jensen took his hand and they fell asleep, their faces inches away from each other, still holding hands.

 

 

 


	5. Part Four

 

 

 

They took their time returning to Cor Calidor. First, they accompanied Chad back to Mons Arbor and kept him company for one more day as he prepared for his departure. 

 

“I am not spending another day with my parents,” he’d growled when Jared had asked him about his plans. Jared didn’t mind. Court just wasn’t the same without Chad.

 

The Countess obviously wasn’t happy that they were leaving so soon, but Jensen soothed her ruffled feathers by explaining that he really needed to get back to his kitten.

 

“She’s still so young, and I don’t want to leave her alone for too long,” Jensen said, his eyes impossibly green and earnest.

 

The Countess could only nod and smile faintly. Chad managed to hide his laugh by turning away and Jared bit the inside of his cheek.

 

“You will be a force to be reckoned with on a diplomatic mission,” Jared said to Jensen when they were riding away from the castle. 

 

Jensen gave him a pleased little smile.

  
  


They took a slightly different route back to Cor Calidor than on their way to Mons Arbor. Jared wanted to show Jensen more of their country, and the people of Scayen always loved to see members of the royal family. 

 

So they rode by the Stoney Pines, a ragged landscape filled with sand colored rock formations. Pillars, arches, and natural sculptures decorated the landscape and Jensen took it all in with wide eyes. Together, they climbed the top of the biggest arch and watched the sun set between the rocks. 

 

They rode a loop through Nopoma Valley, a rich wine region. They stopped at an old vineyard and the vintner brought up his best selection for Jensen to taste. They figured out that Jensen enjoyed dry white and rosé wine the most while Jared had always preferred a rich red. Chris didn’t seem convinced by any of it and declared he was a beer and mead man.

 

“Mead?” Chad asked curiously, always up for a new alcoholic beverage. 

 

“It’s made out of honey,” Chris explained and Chad started interrogating Chris about the manufacturing of mead.

 

Their route took them through endless villages and cities. They couldn’t stop everywhere though, so most of them they just rode through, smiling and waving. When they reached Hollum, one of the biggest cities in Scayen and the center of their artisan guilds, Jensen expressed his desire to see how Scayen architectural ornaments — wooden carvings, wall murals, sculpted pillars and even elaborate furniture — were created.

 

Jared organized for a tour through one of the biggest collaborative workshops and Jensen watched and listened attentively as the carpenters and stonemasons explained their work to him. He asked questions and chatted with their apprentices and, just like at the wine festival, everyone who met him immediately took a liking to him.

 

“Not that I’m complaining,” Jared said, after they’d toured the third workshop, “but we don’t have to do all of this now. You have time to get to know all of this.”

 

“I know.” There was an undercurrent of tension in Jensen’s voice Jared couldn’t decipher. “But Scayen is my home now and I want to know the people who live here.”

 

It made sense. And if it made Jensen happy… Jared waved Captain Tapping over and told her that they’d stay another day in the city because Jensen should get to visit the university too and catch a performance at the theater. 

 

Jensen was delighted and Jared was delighted by Jensen’s delight. Chad went on a tour of the taverns and Chris watched everything attentively. On a whole, their trip was a success. 

 

Every night, Jared and Jensen shared a bed. Jensen still undressed when Jared wasn’t in the room and he slept in long sleeves and pants, but when Jared reached for him at night, Jensen willingly came into his arms. Sometimes Jensen was the one who pulled him close or straddled his lap and Jared took all he had to give. He cataloged every piece of Jensen's body through his clothes, enjoyed the taste of his lips and his neck. They learned to move together, learned where and how to touch each other and Jared thought that every night was better than the one before. Honestly, at the rate they were going, he was probably just going to come on the spot if they ever got to the part where they actually took off their clothes.

 

After ten days on the road, they started the final stretch to the castle.

 

“Ready to go back?” Jared asked.

 

Jensen nodded. “I like being outside, but it’s going to be nice not to live out of a bag anymore. And I really miss Mokaly.”

 

“We’ll be there by sunset,” Jared promised and spurred Jova on. 

  
  


His parents threw them a welcome back dinner, so it was late when they went to bed. When they entered their bedroom, Jensen stilled.

 

Jared had thought that they’d finally share their marital bed after they’d shared so many beds on the road. He tried to swallow the disappointment. 

 

“Jensen,” he said, then stopped. 

 

“I’m sorry,” Jensen said, and his voice was hollow. “You didn’t deserve that I left you alone in here.”

 

“No, I was the one who—” Jared broke off when Jensen glared at him.

 

“Fine, I hear you,” Jared said angrily. “But you need to hear me, too. You were right to leave me here on our wedding night, because I was a drunk idiot.”

 

“We were both idiots it seems,” Jensen said. 

 

“We were.”

 

“I’m going to get my things,” Jensen said. “If you want…”

 

“Yes!” Jared cleared his throat. “I mean I would love for you to join me in our bedroom.”

 

Jensen grinned and then walked off to where he’d been spending his nights, somewhere in his private rooms. It was a long time before he returned, but he’d already changed into his night clothes and he was carrying a purring Mokaly in his arms.

 

“She hid from me under the bed,” he grumbled. “Apparently I left her and needed to be punished.”

 

Jared eyed the little furball skeptically. “She seems to love you just fine right now.”

 

“Don’t let her fool you; I had to beg her to come out from under there and bait her with treats.”

 

Jared laughed. He stopped laughing when Mokaly crawled into bed with them, plopped down on Jensen’s chest, and Jensen refused to move her. 

 

“Just for tonight,” he said and patted Jared consolingly. “She missed me. And I missed her too.”

 

Jared would be annoyed at getting cockblocked by a cat if Jensen almost going cross-eyed to watch her sleep on his chest wasn’t so damn adorable.   
  
  
  


When Jared woke up the next morning, Mokaly was still in bed with them. Jensen was lying on his side, sleeping peacefully, the cat enthroned on his hip, her green eyes half-lidded and fixed on Jared. 

 

“What are you looking at, huh?” Jared asked quietly, and reached out to stroke Mokaly’s ears. 

 

The cat let him for a moment, then she stood and slowly climbed off the bed. She took her time, but eventually disappeared out the window. Jared and Jensen were alone. In their marriage bed. And Jared was allowed to touch Jensen now, was allowed to kiss him and hold him in his arms. Jensen still didn’t want to take his clothes off and Jared tried to understand but they were an ever-present reminder Jensen must still not fully trust him.

 

Jared tried to console himself that they were nowhere near the one year engagement time for Alendans. Instead he focused on the strong line of Jensen’s shoulder, the soft hairs at the nape of his head, the slightly pointy tip of his ears. 

 

When he looked back at Jensen’s face, he encountered sleepy but open green eyes.

 

“Hey.” Jensen’s voice was raspy and low with sleep and Jared couldn’t stop himself from leaning down and kissing him. He loved Jensen in the morning, soft and unguarded. Jared wished Jensen could always be like that.

 

Jensen made a satisfied sound against Jared’s mouth and sank his fingers into Jared’s hair, softly scraping his short nails along his scalp. Shivers ran down Jared’s spine and he let himself sink down onto Jensen. So maybe one day they’d get to do this naked. For now, this was enough.

  
  
  


 

 

Over the next couple days, Jensen slowly moved his things into their shared rooms. Jared made space for Jensen’s clothes in their closet and a few days later, Jensen put up a screen. 

 

“So I can undress in here,” he said, eyeing Jared carefully for a reaction. 

 

Jared just kissed him. “Whatever you want.”

 

Jensen was happy, Jared was happy; even Chris was scowling less than in the beginning, Jared thought. Though that might have to do something with the fact that he joined Alona and Osric for fight practice almost every day and Jared thought Alona was awfully nice to Chris.

 

When he teased her about it, she just stuck her tongue out at him. “You’re not the only one who can crush on an Alendan.”

 

“Just don’t try to take his clothes off,” Jared advised her.

  
  
  


He went to visit Felicia and she gave him an appreciative grin. “So, I see things are going better with Jensen.”

 

Jared didn’t even pretend he wasn’t disgustingly happy, as Chad had informed him.

 

“Yeah. Thanks again for all your help. I mean, the books didn't really help but I think it helped that he knew I’d tried. It got us talking and he’s told me all these things that are nowhere in the books, so yeah. Things are going great.”

 

“Well, don’t make me pull it all out of you piece by piece. Tell me everything!”

 

So Jared recounted the entire trip for her, though he left out the more graphic details. Felicia had made it clear very early on in their friendship that she never wanted any details of either Chad’s or Jared’s sex lives. 

 

“How about you and Adrianne then?” Jared waggled his eyebrows.

 

“We’re writing letters,” Felicia said.

 

“Ouch.”

 

Felicia gave him a dirty grin. “Trust me, these letters are anything but ouch.”

 

They laughed and then their conversation turned away from their love lives. When the time for dinner came, Jared invited Felicia back to his rooms. Chris came back from the practice rink with Alona, just as Chad showed up. They were the first guests Jared and Jensen hosted as a married couple in their rooms.

 

Everything was going great, and Jared couldn’t be happier. He should have known it wouldn’t be that easy.

  
  
  


 

 

Something was different. Jared woke up and instead of the warm and heavy weight on his chest or in his arms, or the soft hair tickling his nose, there was no physical contact with Jensen. He thought Jensen must have gone for an early swim, but then he realized Jensen was still lying in bed next to him, motionless on his back and staring up at the canopy of white gauze stretched across the bed.

 

“Morning,” Jared said and rolled over, reaching for Jensen. 

 

Jensen remained stiff under his touch. 

 

“Jensen?” Jared asked, nuzzling into his neck.

 

“Stop.” Jensen’s voice was heavy with sleep but there was a coldness to it Jared hadn’t heard in awhile.

 

“What’s going on?” Jared sat up, eyeing Jensen worriedly.

 

“Nothing,” Jensen said curtly and left the bed. 

 

Jared sat in their rumpled sheets, pillows all over the place and had no clue what was going on. He definitely needed to be awake to deal with this. Jared rolled himself out of his bed and went to take a shower. When he emerged from the bathroom only dressed in a pair of low slung pants, Jensen was already fully clothed.

 

He was wearing high boots and a jacket over his shirt. He was dressed for a ride. Mokaly was sitting on the bed, meowing at Jensen imperiously, demanding cuddles in no uncertain terms. For the first time, Jensen ignored her.

 

“You wanna go out?” Jared asked.

 

Jensen gave a curt nod.

 

“No breakfast?”

 

“No.”

 

“Okay.” Jared dragged a hand through his hair. Weird, but he’d figure it out. “Just give me a moment to get dressed and—”

 

“No. I’m going alone.”

 

“Alone?”

 

Jensen made a clipped throwaway hand motion. “Chris will come with me.”

 

“Okay. But, what’s going on?”

 

“Nothing,” Jensen bit out. “I just need a day on my own. Is that too much to ask?”

 

Jared was too shocked to say anything and he was still standing rooted to the spot when the door banged shut behind Jensen. Mokaly was equally shocked because she went quiet, staring at the door with wide eyes.

 

Jared walked over to her and stroked her head. “It’s just you and me today, it seems.”

 

Mokaly threw him a disdainful look, then jumped off the bed and disappeared out a window. Great. Not even the cat wanted to spend time with him. Jared let himself fall back into the bed and tried to figure out what had gone wrong.

  
  
  


Jensen didn’t come back after breakfast, and he didn’t come back after lunch either. After a long internal debate, Jared had come to the conclusion that he’d done nothing wrong this time. Last night, they’d spent the evening with Alona and Osric, teaching Jensen and Chris the most common Scayen card games. Afterwards, they’d gone to bed, and kissed, slow and intense until Jensen fell asleep. Nothing had gone wrong. So whatever Jensen’s problem was, he should have told Jared, instead of just storming out.

 

Jared went for a ride himself, trying to take his mind off things. Chad came with him and distracted him with tales of the young weaver he was trying to court. They stayed out late, later than dinner, but when they returned to the castle, Jensen and Chris still hadn’t come back.

 

Slowly, Jared was getting worried. He was certain Jensen and Chris knew the surrounding lands by now. The roads in Scayen were safe, but accidents still happened. So Jared worried. He was furious at Jensen for leaving without giving any indication where he’d gone, but he couldn’t give his anger any room because what if Jensen was lying hurt in a ditch somewhere? 

 

He was just about to put a search party together when Jensen walked into their rooms.

 

“You’re still awake?” were the words he chose to greet Jared with.

 

Jared exploded. “Really? What, you wanted to fucking sneak in here like a thief in the night?”

 

“I didn’t want to wake you if you were already asleep,” Jensen said stiffly.

 

“Already asleep? Are you fucking serious?” Jared wanted to tear his hair out. “You just storm out of here this morning, furious at something, I don’t know what, and you don't come back the whole fucking day and you think I’d just go to sleep? I was worried sick, Jensen!”

 

“Worried?” Jensen’s expression was puzzled. “I told you I just needed a day.”

 

“Which you have never done before and you left without telling me anything,” Jared ground out. “I know you have a hard time letting people in and maybe even having emotions, but you do understand the concept of worry, right?”

 

“Just because I don’t shout my every feeling out into the world doesn’t mean I don’t have emotions,” Jensen said coldly. 

 

Jared took a deep breath, tried to calm his anger. He was not going to be the bad guy here. “You snapped at me and then you left. I had no idea what was going on. That’s not how a marriage works, Jensen. If you want this to have a shot, you’re going to have to start trusting me at some point. You need to tell me things. I can’t — you can't just walk out on me without telling me why.”

 

“Why?” Jensen asked, his voice and expression guarded. “There was nothing you could have done either way.”

 

“But maybe I could have. Every problem has a solution and if it was something emotional, if you had a bad dream, a bad memory, then I could have comforted you.”

 

Incredulously, Jensen shook his head. “Jared, there are things you can’t fix.”

 

“Even if that’s the case, which I don’t believe by the way, you still can’t just storm out of here without an explanation. Besides, you scared the damn cat half to death.”

 

For the first time, Jensen looked actually guilty. Because of the fucking cat. Great.

 

“I don’t understand why you're so bothered by this,” Jensen said. “I was the one in a bad mood, it didn’t affect you.”

 

“Of course it affected me!” Jared yelled. “I don’t like to see you sad or angry, okay? I want you happy. And I can’t make you happy if you don’t tell me what’s wrong. And another thing — it kind of hurts when the man you’re married to for four months, who sleeps in your bed every night, can’t even tell you why he has to leave for a whole day.” Jared slumped down on the bed. “Every time I think we’re getting somewhere, you shut me out. So tell me, Jensen, are we really moving forward or is this always going to be a pull-push thing? Cause I’m gonna need to get a thicker skin for that.”

 

Jensen was completely still, except for a muscle in his jaw twitching. Then he crossed the room and sat down on the bed, leaning against the post at the foot. 

 

He closed his eyes and leaned his head back against the dark wood. He looked tired, defeated. “Today is my birthday,” he said tonelessly. 

 

“What?” Jared almost jumped off the bed. “Why didn’t you say something? We could have had a party, Sam would have baked you whatever cake’s your favorite and — shit, I don't even have a present for you!”

 

Tiredly, Jensen waved him off. “Don’t bother.”

 

“Don't bother?”

 

“In Alenda, we don’t celebrate birthdays like you do; I never had a birthday cake in my life, it’s fine if I don’t get one today.”

 

“Then why—” Jared started to ask before he remembered what Jensen had told him about the Alendan tattoos. They were conjured every year on their birthday. “You should have gotten your tattoo today.”

 

Jensen looked down in his lap, at his hands twisting together. “I’ve never missed it before.”

 

“What does that mean?” Jared asked carefully.

 

Jensen shrugged. “I don’t know. Alendans who travel for long periods and have to get their tattoos months or years later when they come back, say they lose the connection to home, to family. They feel wanting, waiting.”

 

“You could travel to Alenda and get—”

 

But Jensen was already shaking his head. “I’m here now. I’m not Alendan anymore.”

 

“Of course you are. You don’t just stop being Alendan because you leave your country.”

 

Jensen gave Jared a bitter smile. “We can only leave home for so long before we lose the connection to our country. You can get missed tattoos when you've been gone for months, maybe even a few years. But after a while your body can’t take it anymore. The connection breaks and if you try to reforge it…” Jensen raised a shoulder, let it drop. “You die.”

 

Aghast, Jared stared at Jensen. “But, I don’t get it. If you lose that, how could your parents suggest this arrangement?”

 

Jensen leaned his head back and gave Jared a calculating look. “Because they needed this alliance much more than your family did,” he said eventually. “They needed all the goodwill Scayen could give, so they offered your parents a full life with their son.”

 

“But you—”

 

“The fate of the kingdom was more important than my happiness. And my parents have enough children.” Jensen’s voice was filled with bitterness. “When it became clear that I wouldn’t carry on the royal line, it didn’t matter to them anymore where I’d go to be married. If I wouldn’t produce a new branch of the family tree, I at least was supposed to bring the biggest profit.”

 

Jared sucked in a sharp breath.

 

Jensen’s lips pulled apart in a sneer. “When I told my parents I was gay, they were so proud of me. Not because of what I was but because I had the courage to tell them even though I knew they would probably make me a political pawn for it. They didn’t like it, but they could use it.”

 

Jared’s heart broke. “Jensen, I’m so sorry.” 

 

With a thud, Jensen let his head fall back against the bedpost. He didn't look at Jared when he spoke again. “You know what the worst thing was about today? I thought, when Danneel got her tattoo, maybe I’d be able to feel it, feel her, just some connection to home, but nothing. I don’t have a home anymore.” Jensen’s voice was flat, bereft of any life. “I’m not Alendan anymore.”

 

Jared had never seen Jensen so vulnerable, so small. He scooted over on the bed, and then drew Jensen into his arms. “I know it doesn’t feel that way yet,” he said, “but you have a new home here.”

 

For a moment Jensen sat unmoved, then he leaned against Jared and his hands came to rest on Jared’s shoulders, fingers digging painfully into the muscles. Jared just held Jensen tight, whispered sweet nothings into his ear and cursed Jensen’s parents, his own parents, and everyone who had thought their marriage agreement was a good idea with Jensen never going home, which included himself.

 

“I’m so sorry, baby,” Jared said quietly. Jensen didn't reply, but he held on tightly.

 

They sat like that until Mokaly jumped on the bed and laid down next to Jensen, softly purring. Jensen took one hand away from Jared to pet his cat.

 

“Mokaly was really worried,” Jared said. “She missed you today.”

 

“Are you really talking about the cat?” Jensen asked quietly.

 

“No.”

 

“I’m sorry,” Jensen said softly.

 

Jared leaned down to kiss the crown of his head. “I hear you,” he said, “and it’s okay.”

 

Jensen let out a strangled laugh.

 

“See, a bit of you and a bit of me. That’s just gotta make for an awesome new home right?”

 

“As long as I can keep having coffee for breakfast.”

 

Jared held Jensen tight. “Anything you want.”

 

There was silence, then Jensen turned closer into Jared's body. “This is good.”

 

Jared didn’t know how long they sat in the darkness before Jensen’s hands tightened on his shoulders and he turned his head, seeking out Jared’s mouth. Jared leaned into the kiss and Jensen reacted, a tiny, sob-like noise escaping his mouth while his hands gripped Jared like he was his only shelter in a storm.

 

Jared hadn’t lit any candles and now that the sun had set and the fall clouds were racing across the sky, he struggled to make out Jensen’s features in the night’s utter darkness. Jared raised his hand, ran it over Jensen’s cheek, felt the faint evening stubble and his tense jaw.

 

“Jensen, are you—”

 

Jensen interrupted him with a kiss. “Don’t,” he mumbled against Jared's lips. “I’m okay.”

 

Jared managed a disbelieving sound that Jensen swallowed up with a snort. “I’m as okay as I can be, how about that?”

 

“Yeah, I hear you.” Jared was happy because that was more than Jensen usually admitted. So he reached for Jensen, drew him in for another kiss and Jensen responded fiercely, his fingers probably leaving bruises on Jared’s shoulders and arms.

 

Jared didn’t mind. He didn’t mind the marks and he knew, this was Jensen’s way of asking for comfort, for help and it made Jared’s heart swell that Jensen had come to rely on him, to trust him this much, despite everything.

 

They kissed and rolled around in their large bed, hands grappling to hold each other tightly and hips pushing against each other. Jared reached around Jensen, his hands scrabbling along his back and then suddenly, he was touching warm, smooth skin. Jensen’s shirt must’ve ridden up, Jared’s fingers pushing under the hem. He stilled immediately, didn’t dare move, not even to pull his hand away. Next to him, Jensen had gone completely still, every muscle locked up tight. Jared could feel their rigid strength under his fingers.

 

“Jensen, I’m sorry, I didn’t—” He began to draw his hand back but Jensen caught it.

 

“No, it's — it's okay." His voice was nothing more than a hoarse whisper, but Jared heard the sincerity in it. And in all the time he’d known Jensen, he’d never done anything he hadn’t wanted, had never bent past his comfort zone. So Jared did him the courtesy of knowing his own mind, and didn’t doubt him.

 

Slowly, he slipped his hand back under Jensen’s shirt. He tried to read Jensen’s face but in the darkness, all he could see was shadows.

 

Jensen pushed him back but he was already tugging on Jared’s shirt so Jared knew it wasn’t a rejection. Jared slept shirtless most of the time, so Jensen’s hands on his bare skin were nothing new but when Jensen didn’t stop there but pulled off his own shirt, Jared’s breath caught.

 

“Are you sure?” He had to ask because this was such a big step and he didn’t want Jensen to do this out of sorrow.

 

“Yeah. I’m not Alendan anymore so what do I care?” Jensen said it carelessly but his voice was hard.

 

“Jensen—” Jared started to protest. 

 

“And I trust you,” Jensen continued. “I want this.”

 

“Okay.” To Jared’s embarrassment, his voice was croaky, so he cleared his throat. “Okay. Whatever you want.”

 

They came together again, skin on skin and the liberty to touch Jensen and feel skin not fabric took Jared’s breath away. He couldn’t see in the darkness, couldn’t see if Jensen had freckles not only on his face but in other places, couldn’t see the tattoos or scars and Jared couldn’t help but wonder if Jensen would’ve taken his clothes off if there was any light. But then Jensen’s hand slid into the waistband of Jared’s pants, over the swell of his ass and he stopped thinking.

 

Jensen was almost impatient, when he tugged on Jared’s pants so Jared raised his hips, trying to help. They managed and Jensen let himself fall on his back, dragging Jared down on top of him and between the vee of his legs. Jared groaned into Jensen’s shoulder at the full body contact. His hands were running down Jensen’s sides until they reached the waistband of his pants. Jensen raised his hips, shoved them towards Jared’s hands and Jared slowly pulled them down.

 

He took his time, to feel the roundness of Jensen’s ass, the strength of his thighs. He reveled in the hard and sleek feeling when their dicks touched and he wondered if he could finally get his mouth on Jensen’s dick or if he should limit himself to touch for now.

 

When Jensen gripped his dick, slowly stroking it up and down, Jared’s mind blanked. When Jensen brought his mouth next to Jared’s ear and said quietly, “please tell me you keep oil close,” Jared felt like he’d been doused with cold water while simultaneously a wave of heat shot through his body and made his dick twitch.

 

“Jensen, I—” It was too much to formulate a clear sentence.

 

“What?” Jensen asked, arching his back like a cat and pressing their bodies closer together.

 

“I don’t,” Jared tried again, “I mean, we don’t have to have sex tonight.”

 

“Okay,” Jensen said slowly. “But I want to.”

 

Jared pulled back, needed to put some space between himself and Jensen. “I don’t.”

 

Jensen stilled. “What?”

 

In the darkness, Jared desperately tried to see Jensen’s face but he couldn’t.

 

“Look, it’s not that I don’t want to, because I really, really do,” Jared scrambled to say.

 

“You’re not making any sense,” Jensen said, his voice hard.

 

“Look, sex, like going all the way, that’s kind of a big deal. I thought, we would do handjobs or maybe even a blowjob tonight but not… that?”

 

Jensen shook his head. “Just when I think I have you figured out.... What does it matter?”

 

“It matters to me,” Jared said quietly. “Sex, the actual joining of bodies, it’s a big deal to me.” He reached for Jensen’s hands, and he could still feel the tension in Jensen’s body. Jared took a deep breath. “And I think it’s a big deal for you too.”

 

“I’m not scared,” Jensen said quickly, too quickly.

 

Jared sighed. One step forward, two steps backward. Just because Jensen had let himself be vulnerable, he’d put up his walls again. 

 

“It’s not about being scared,” Jared tried to explain. “It’s about sex being special, when you give another person something of you that’s so private. I think that’s something you should want to give, happily, not offer because you’re upset and want comfort.”

 

Jensen drew his hands back. “Fuck you, Jared. You don’t know me, so don’t try to tell me what I want.”

 

Jensen stood and rooted around for his clothes that had fallen off the bed. Jared continued sitting on the mattress and he felt like Jensen had just slapped him in the face. He sat motionless while Jensen got dressed and then moved to leave their room.

 

Unbelievable. “You’re wrong, you know. I do know you. And maybe you’re not scared but you’re still pushing yourself to do something that you don’t really want to do right now. And, fuck, I don’t even know — Jensen you know that I don’t expect things here, right?”

 

Jensen stopped but he didn’t turn around. “You don’t expect things?” he asked, incredulous, almost affronted.

 

Jared huffed. “Please tell me you’re not thinking I don’t want to have sex with you, because I do. Trust me, I want you so bad, you don’t even know. You’re fucking beautiful and we sleep in the same bed and I fucking dream about getting to touch you that way. But we can wait. We have all the time in the world and we both deserve it to be awesome. Don’t you think?”

 

Jensen finally turned around. “I didn’t think it would be such a big deal to you,” he admitted.

 

“Everything with you is a big deal to me,” Jared said simply. It was the truth.

 

In the darkness, he couldn’t see Jensen’s face but he heard swift footfalls and then Jensen was there, with him on the bed, reaching out for him and running his hands over Jared’s chest and shoulders up to his face. Carefully, Jensen’s hands framed Jared’s cheeks. 

 

“I apologize,” he said softly.

 

Jared grinned. “I hear you. But for the record, you don’t need to.”

 

Jensen bumped their noses together. “Yeah, I do.”

 

“Fine.”

 

They sat in the dark, their noses touching, their foreheads brushing and their breaths mingling. Jared felt like there was nothing else in the world, just the two of them, being close, finally.

 

“I wish this is how our wedding night had gone,” Jared said. He couldn’t help it; if he had known Jensen better back then, it could have been so much easier, they could be so much further now.

 

Jensen was quiet for a long moment and Jared feared he’d ruined the mood. Then Jensen pressed a feather-light kiss to Jared’s mouth. 

 

“We didn’t know any better.” His voice was strained and Jared realized — Jensen regretted it maybe just as much as he did.

 

“But we know better now,” Jared said.

 

“Because you are a stubborn, persistent fucker,” Jensen said wryly.

 

“Maybe,” Jared allowed with a smile. “But so are you.” It hadn’t always worked in Jared’s favor, but eventually, Jensen had moved towards him; despite his reservation towards Scayen culture, he’d braved their horses again, and he’d interacted with the Scayen people, just like a Scayen prince would. In the end, Jensen’s stubbornness had brought him closer to Jared and he’d be forever grateful for that.

 

“Then we’re a terrible match,” Jensen said but his voice was teasing.

 

Jared just kissed him. “Nah, we’re pretty awesome.”

 

And to his absolute joy, Jensen kissed him right back. “Yeah, we are.”

  
  
  
  


 

 

The next morning, Jensen still dressed behind the screen and Jared had to bite his lip not to comment. Last night, Jensen had been willing to have sex but he still didn't want to undress in front of Jared. It stung, knowing that Jensen had been ready to go so far with Jared only because he was upset and the darkness was hiding his tattoos. The contrast to this morning felt like another rejection, especially because their conversation last night had seemed like a step forward. And maybe it was, even though right now, it didn’t feel like it. But then Jared remembered what Jensen had said last night, about giving up his home, not being Alendan anymore.

 

Before, Jared had never realized, never thought about what it could mean for Jensen to leave his home, what a final cut it could be. That he’d lose a part of himself, lose the connection to the country he’d grown up in. It sounded terrible to Jared. No wonder Jensen didn’t want to go visit if his parents had basically thrown him out. Well, Jensen still loved his home. If he couldn’t go back, Jared would just try his damnedest to bring it here.   
  
  


Jared didn’t have a clear idea on what he wanted to do, but he was determined to step up his game. He had to prove to Jensen, once and for all, that Jared would do anything for him, to make Scayen his home and Jared a husband worthy of Jensen’s love and trust.

 

It helped when a letter arrived from Danneel, saying she was trying to travel to Scayen but that she wasn’t sure if she would be able to leave Alenda anytime soon. If she was unable to come, she’d send someone though. She didn’t mention Jensen’s horse so Jared hoped she wouldn’t forget about that, but even if she did, Jensen would be happy to see Danneel. So that was one thing to look forward to — that Jared carefully kept quiet so it would be a surprise and no one would be disappointed if it didn’t work out, neither Jensen nor Chad — but it wasn’t enough. Jared was still looking for that something special.

 

For inspiration he went back to the library. He’d read all the books in the Alendan section, but there were other volumes on northern countries, comparative works of religion, politics, and trade. Jared was immensely grateful for every essay Master Julian had made him write, even though Jared had hated the research part of it, sifting through old books about dead people in the library. Now all the knowledge about research and cross-referencing came in incredibly handy. Master Julian was retired on his estate in the countryside, but Jared vowed to send him a bottle of his favorite schnapps as a thank you.

 

On one of his library trips, Jared discovered a really strange book about physical pastimes in the northern countries. He had no idea if he could believe some of what he found, so he got up early the next morning, and while Jensen was swimming in the pool, Jared sought out Chris sitting up in the beams of the bathing hall. 

 

“What brings you up here?” Chris asked warily, looking from Jared down to Jensen who was still swimming laps.

 

“I wanted to talk to you, alone,” Jared said. “I want to do something nice for Jensen and I want it to be a surprise.”

 

The corners of Chris’s mouth twitched into an almost smile before his face smoothed out into his usual serious expression.

 

“Alright.”

 

“First I need to ask you if this really happens in Alenda.” Jared showed Chris the book from the library.

 

Chris took the book, looked at the picture that had made Jared’s mind boggle. For the first time ever, Jared saw Chris smile. “I have no idea what you’re planning, but I’d pay to see it.”

 

Jared had a feeling Chris wouldn’t be the only one. But it would be worth it. Now he just needed to make it happen.

 

With a “thanks” in Chris’s direction, he hurried back to the palace.

  
  
  


“I got it!” Jared burst into Felicia’s study and this time he couldn't wait for her to finish her reading. “Felicia, I have the perfect idea, but I need you to help me!”

 

Felicia looked up from her book. “What is it now?”

 

“You can manipulate the elements, right?” Jared asked.

 

Felicia raised her eyebrows. “Elemental magic is incredibly draining. Yes, I can do it, but it’s difficult. If you’re thinking of making it snow for Jensen, that’s a dumb idea. I can't control the temperature long enough to make the snow last.”

 

Jared shook his head. “No, I had something else in mind.” He explained his plan and when he was done, Felicia leaned back thoughtfully.

 

“I think I can pull it off. I need to do some reading, but it should be doable. Emma is going to be so jealous,” she added with a gleeful smile. 

 

“Emma?” Jared asked.

 

“The teacher’s pet at the convent?” Felicia scrunched up her forehead. “I’m sure I must have mentioned her at some point.”

 

Jared grinned. “I’ve heard of the terrible teacher’s pet but I don’t think I ever heard you utter her name.”

 

Felicia made a face. “It turns out she is related to Adrianne, so from now on I’ll have to be nice to her when I see her.”

 

“Well, then I’m glad I can give you an opportunity to show her up without being mean to her.”

 

Felicia nodded, then she narrowed her eyes at Jared and pointed a finger at him. “It’s still a giant piece of work and it’s going to cost you.”

 

“Whatever you want,” Jared said immediately.

 

Felicia smiled sheepishly. “It’s actually about Adrianne. Your mother dislikes her family but I want you to make sure she gets an invitation to court for the solstice festival.”

 

“Whatever happened to letter writing?” Jared asked her.

 

“There’s only so many times you can bear to read about someone touching you before you eventually go crazy. I need to see her Jared, you’ve got to help me.”

 

“Deal.” Jared didn’t know how, but he’d make it happen. “But you know I’d help you with Adrianne either way.”

 

She shot him a sideways glace. “You would, you sap.”

 

“It’s called being a good friend,” Jared retorted.

 

She shot him a fond smile, then got up to rifle around in one of her many book piles. “You’re going to help me research this.”

 

Jared didn’t even protest. Anything for Jensen.

 

  
  


 

 

It took them a month to get it done. Not only did Felicia need to do an extensive amount of research and actually brew a strengthening potion, Jared needed to find the perfect location. So he took Jova out day after day to scout the mountains, sometimes alone, sometimes with Chad by his side. It wasn’t until he rode through the Condor Canyon, exploring the caves he’d played in as a child that he found the perfect spot. 

 

He got Chad and his friends to help him clear the place up. It didn’t feel right hiring workers for this. He wanted to do it himself, a gesture of welcome for Jensen. His friends agreed.

 

Every moment Jared hadn’t scouted, he’d spent with Jensen. With each day, their understanding of each other grew and now that Jensen felt so comfortable on a desert horse — not that he’d ever said that and Jared had never brought it up — Jared could finally show him around his new home. Chris was always with them, Jensen’s faithful shadow.

 

“He does know we’re safe here, right? I’m a good fighter, and Osric and Alona are lethal,” Jared said one day as they were riding out to the big market that was held once a month outside the city.

 

Jensen nodded. “He does. But Chris swore an oath and we take that seriously.”

 

“So do we,” Jared said. “Can you tell me why?”

 

Jensen shook his head. “That’s Chris’s story to tell.”

 

Jared looked over to Chris, a mixture of bodyman and best friend to Jensen. If Chris was here because of an oath, that would explain why he’d looked so angry when Jensen had just introduced him as a friend at the wedding breakfast. Whatever had happened between them, Jensen obviously regarded Chris as a friend and Jared was glad that Jensen had Chris. The rest of Jensen’s household consisted only of Richard, the servant turned cook. 

 

“Is Chris doing alright here?” Jared asked. “I mean, if he doesn’t get to go back home either…”

 

“I tried to get him to stay in Alenda, but he wouldn’t listen,” Jensen said, voice frustrated. 

 

They both looked over to Chris who was deep in conversation with Alona, a common sight these days. 

 

“Well, he seems happy,” Jared remarked.

 

“Yeah. Alendans and Scayens seem to be able to get along much better than I first thought.”

 

Jared grinned at Jensen. “What can I say, we’re charming people.”

 

“Who’s charming?” Chad asked from behind them.

 

Jared pulled a grimace and Jensen laughed. “Maybe not all of you.”

  
  
  
  


 

 

They fell into an easy rhythm. They spent the nights tangled up in each other, Jared without his shirt and Jensen fully clothed, and neither of them brought sex up again. Jared tried not to think about what that meant, instead focusing on how his surprise would impact their relationship. They got up together in the mornings, had breakfast, and while Jensen went to swim, Jared went out to help Felicia with the preparations. Slowly, the cave transformed into a beautiful hall, free from rubble and loose rocks. They hung lamps and colorful lampions, garlands with pieces of glass that reflected the light into all corners of the cave. 

 

One day, Felicia invited Jensen over to show him a beautifully illustrated manual for cat owners with all kinds of ideas for toys, games, and perches. As Jared had predicted, Jensen had turned out to be a cat person, and he was a sucker for entertaining and spoiling his cat. It gave Jared the chance to get Chris to go visit the blacksmith with him and give him exact instructions to prepare what Jared needed.

 

The blacksmith eyed Chris’s design skeptically. “And this works?”

 

“Yes.”

 

“This looks like a promise of broken bones, Your Highness.”

 

“We’ll be fine,” Jared assured the blacksmith.

 

“Well,” Chris’s voice was thoughtful. “Jensen and I will. I’m not so sure about you and the rest of the Scayens.”

 

Jared raided his purse and bought Felicia all the supplies she needed for her potion. They would wait for the next full moon and then Jared could finally show Jensen his surprise.

  
  
  


“What’s going on with you?” Jensen asked one morning, just before he was going off to his swim. 

 

Jared froze, one arm pushed through a shirt, the other still unclothed. “What do you mean?” he asked, trying to sound nonchalant.

 

“Every morning when I leave, you rush out of here and you aren't always here when I come back. You claim to go out with Chad all the time but that’s just not true. So, what’s going on?”

 

Jared finished putting on his shirt to buy some time. He really wanted to surprise Jensen.

 

“Nothing’s going on,” he settled on. “I just like to be active and I know you enjoy being on your own occasionally.”

 

Jensen scrutinized him and he obviously didn’t believe him. “Fine,” he said curtly and turned away. Shit.

 

“Jensen, wait.”

 

Jensen turned around, eyebrows raised sharply.

 

“Can you trust me on this?” Jared asked. “I promise, I will tell you, but not yet, okay?”

 

Jensen didn’t look convinced. Jared remembered their conversation; trust had to be earned, something had to be offered.

 

“I was crushing on you so hard when I saw you for the first time,” Jared said. “I thought you were the most beautiful person to walk this earth. Still do, actually,” he added with a sheepish smile. “I wanted nothing more than to talk to you back then but every time you looked at me I couldn’t form a single sentence. It was embarrassing, really. Chad teased me about it forever.”

 

For a moment, Jensen stared at him, then he crossed the space between them with a few steps and kissed Jared. “Okay,” he said. “You go off then and do your mysterious thing.”

 

Relieved, Jared leaned down, resting his chin on Jensen’s shoulder. “I promise, it’s something good.”

  
  
  


The day of the full moon was the first really cold winter day. Jensen had assured Jared that the temperature could be called cool at best as it was nowhere near freezing, but Jared had to put on an actual jacket against the stiff breeze.

 

“I’m amazed you want to go out into these daring temperatures,” Jensen said, a corner of his mouth tilted up. “You could freeze to death.”

 

“What can I say, I am a brave man.”

 

Jensen snorted and together, they went down to the stables. The others were already waiting at the cave, setting up everything Felicia needed for her spell. Only Chris was waiting for them, the horses saddled and ready.

 

Jensen fixed his friend with a hard look. “So you do know what’s going on.”

 

Chris grinned unrepentantly. “Just get on your horse, Jensen.”

  
  
  
  


It was a half hour ride to the cave. The entrance was a high tunnel a little way up the rocky hillside. 

 

“You’re still not going to tell me what we’re doing here?” Jensen asked, who, up to now, had been extremely patient.

 

Jared shook his head. “You stay here, with Chris, and I will go in and check on… things. Watch him,” he told Chris.

 

“This is ridiculous,” Jensen muttered but he didn’t sound truly annoyed. 

 

Jared walked into the cave through the long tunnel until it opened to the long hall and the flat lake covering its floor. Felicia was already there with their friends and she stood in front of the lake.

 

“Good, you’re here.” She reached out for him. “Give me your hands.”

 

Jared gripped her wrists and then she closed her eyes. She muttered strange words Jared couldn’t understand but he’d never learned the ancient language of magic. 

 

A cold prickling sensation was traveling through his hands and up his arms but he held fast. He knew it wasn’t dangerous. Then a cold whirlwind blew through the cave and Felicia’s voice rose, the chanted verses echoing through the cave's wall, carried by the wind until it subsided as suddenly as it had come.

 

“Did it work?” she asked without opening her eyes. 

 

Jared looked over to the lake. “It did.”

 

She opened her eyes. “Awesome. I've never done anything like this before and oh goddess when I tell Emma, she is going to be so jealous.”

 

“I’m glad my attempts to make this a home for my husband can help settle a school rivalry.”

 

Felicia gave him a sharp smile. “I knew you’d understand.”

 

With a laugh, Jared turned around to collect Jensen from outside.

 

“Do you trust me?” Jared asked.

 

Jensen tilted his head. “That depends.”

 

Jared pulled a black scarf from his jacket pocket. “For the surprise.”

 

Incredulously, Jensen stared at the dark piece of fabric, then he sighed and wrapped it around his head, covering his eyes.

 

Jared took his hands and guided him into the cave, Chris following behind.

 

“Holy fuck,” Chris breathed out when he saw the cave.

 

“What?” Jensen asked impatiently.

 

“Just a little further,” Jared said and guided Jensen to the shore, where, on a little bench, they’d set up the shoes. “Okay. Just. You said you missed home and Felicia is a mage and so we decided, we should bring a piece of home here.”

 

He pulled the blindfold off Jensen.

 

“Save that for later,” Chad suggested with a lewd grin from where he was waiting with the others, but Jared paid him no mind. He was only watching Jensen who blinked into the bright, glittering light of the cave.

 

All the lamps and lampions threw a soft light, reflected by the glass decorations and now, after Felicia's spell, by the bright white icy surface of the frozen lake. It stretched out through the cave, a smooth, glinting white surface, small tendrils of frost wrapping around the shoreline.

 

Jensen's eyes widened and his mouth fell open as he stared, utterly transfixed, at the lake. “How…” he finally managed to get out.

 

“Just a simple spell,” Felicia said casually, like they hadn’t prepared a whole month for this.

 

Jensen’s eyes darted between Jared, Felicia, and the lake. Then he took a step towards Felicia, and another and rested a hand on her shoulder. “Thank you. So much. I cannot begin to tell you how much this means to me.”

 

Felicia gave him a soft smile. “You’re very welcome.” Then she pulled him into a hug.

 

Jensen was too surprised to react but when she didn’t let him go, he wrapped his arms around her and hugged her back.

 

When they drew apart, Jensen turned to Jared. “I don’t know what to say.”

 

Jared shrugged. “Whatever you want. But you can start by teaching us how this ice skating is supposed to work.”

 

“Ice skating,” Jensen repeated, baffled.

 

Jared gestured towards the boots the blacksmith had outfitted with iron curves after Chris’s design. Jensen’s eyes widened again and then he laughed, pure and happy, eyes crinkling at the corners.

 

“You got me a frozen lake so I can go ice skating?”

 

“It looked like fun from the pictures,” Jared said.

 

Jensen walked toward him and kissed him wildly, in front of everyone. “Thank you,” he muttered between kisses. “Thank you so much.”

 

“I told you,” Jared said quietly, reveling in the fact that Jensen was comfortable enough to kiss him in public, without a ritual or a custom to demand it. “Anything you want.”

 

“How can I ever repay you for this?” Jensen asked quietly.

 

Jared rolled his eyes. “Remember when I told you what makes a gift a great one in Scayen?”

 

“When you receive nothing but a smile in return,” Jensen said, the corners of his mouth tilting up reluctantly.

 

“You’re welcome,” Jared said emphatically. “Now, how about you show me how to skate?”

 

 

  


 

 

Amidst a lot of laughing and ribbing, they all put on their shoes. Chris and Jensen were the first to step on the ice and Jared hung back, too enthralled by the blissful expression on Jensen’s face as he skated smooth circles around the lake, his skates leaving long curved lines on its surface. It looked so easy, the way he glided across the ice, the way he turned, skated forwards and backwards. Then he started picking up speed, skating backwards, until he deftly transitioned to one leg and then actually jumped in the air, corkscrewing once before he landed again on his feet.

 

“Still got it,” Chris shouted and Jensen grinned brightly. Then Chris accelerated and jumped, just like Jensen had.

 

“That,” Alona said next to Jared, “looks amazing.”

 

With flushed cheeks, Jensen skated towards Jared, braking just before he hit the shore, pieces of ice flying from the blades digging into the ice. “You coming?”

 

Jared smiled. “Definitely.”

 

What looked so easy when Jensen and Chris did it turned out to be really fucking difficult. Jared felt wobbly on his legs, disconnected from the ground and he had to figure out a whole new process for moving his legs because he couldn’t just take steps anymore.  While Jared and Chad wobbled over the ice, Jensen was weaving around them with shining eyes.

 

Carefully, Jared slid his feet forward, one after the other, trying to emulate Jensen. For a while, he actually managed.

 

With a grin, he searched for Jensen who was gracefully gliding towards him. “It’s not too bad,” Jared said, just as he took another step, lost his balance and promptly fell back on his ass.

 

Jensen badly suppressed a laugh, then pulled Jared to his feet.

 

“Okay, you gotta teach me,” Jared said, not letting go of Jensen. The rest of his friends weren’t doing much better. Chris had taken Alona’s hands and was carefully dragging her over the lake, while Chad, Traci and Osric moved over the ice in a tangle of flailing arms. Felicia watched the proceedings from the shore with an amused smile.

 

“I don’t even know how to teach you; everyone in Alenda grows up knowing how to skate,” Jensen said desperately when Jared didn’t manage to stay on his feet by himself.

 

“Just teach me like I’m a child.”

 

“Alright, take my hands then,” Jensen said determinedly and reached for Jared’s hands.

 

Then he started skating backwards, which Jared wouldn’t even think about doing. Carefully, Jared moved his legs, and with Jensen pulling him along, he managed a whole turn about the lake. When Jensen pulled away, he wobbled, caught himself but still stumbled forward. Jensen was there to catch him and somehow they managed to stay upright.

 

“Okay, usually, I’d put you on my feet, but you’re a little tall for that so...” Jensen glided behind him, pressed his body against Jared’s and then put his hands on Jared’s hips. “Just move with me.”

 

Slowly Jensen moved his legs forward, pushing Jared’s legs. 

 

“Okay, I can see the method behind this,” Jared said, concentrating hard to keep his breathing even. “But with you pressing against me like this, it’s kinda hard to focus.”

 

A startled laugh burst out of Jensen, and he tried to put some distance between them.

 

“Did I say you should stop? I just meant I won’t be the best student here.”

 

Jensen slid up against him again and chuckled into Jared’s shoulder. “Alright, just focus on your feet.”

 

Jared tried, he really did, and after a while, he managed to skate on his own without falling down.

 

“Well,” Jensen said, eyeing him critically. “You're not a natural and you’re a little old, but you’re not entirely hopeless either.” He cut a short glance over to Chad. “Contrary to him.”

 

Chad was still flailing wildly with his arms, looking as if he was just about to faceplant. Alona was skating figure eights with Chris, and Osric and Traci had managed to get around on their own.

 

“Go on then,” Jared said and shooed Jensen away. “Skate.”

 

Jensen glided over to him and pressed a kiss to his cheek before pulling away backwards.

 

“Show off,” Jared muttered.

 

“It’s not that difficult.” With a shrug, Jensen started skating wide circles across the ice. 

 

Jared watched him pick up speed, watched him jump again and again, forwards and backwards, watched him spin on his own axis and jump in the air, his legs bent and stretched. He knew that Jensen was athletic but this gave it an entirely new dimension. The way Jensen moved across the ice it looked almost like he was flying.

 

After a while, Jared sat down on the shore and Chris joined him some time later. Alona had decided to pass on her newly acquired knowledge to Osric. And Traci, who’d improved the most, was dragging Chad around.

 

Jared couldn’t take his eyes off Jensen who didn’t seem to tire, still skating circles with a joyous expression on his face.

 

“Can everybody skate like that in Alenda?” Jared asked.

 

“No,” Chris said, and there was something heavy in his voice. “Most people are decent, and some even perfected the sport, but Jensen has always been a natural on the ice, even when we were little.”

 

Jared looked over to Chris, took in his serious expression, the faraway look in his eyes. “I feel like there’s a story there.”

 

Chris tilted his head and fixed Jared with a hard look. “Has Jensen told you why I’m here with him?”

 

“No. I asked, but he told me that’s your story to tell.”

 

Slowly, Chris nodded. “It’s a story about ice skating, actually. About how when we were little, we were out on a river in spring. The Damor comes down the mountains in a giant waterfall but it collects in a broad basin before it slowly flows into the riverbed. In winter, it freezes solid and in spring, when the waterfall thaws and snow comes down the mountain, the thaw runs along under the ice until the surface finally breaks.”

 

“Sounds dangerous,” Jared remarked quietly.

 

Chris quirked his lips. “It is. But we were brave and daring. Jensen has two much older siblings. Every daring feat, they’d already don e. And his sister especially is a gifted skater . Jensen had a lot to prove growing up, if he wanted recognition from his parents.”

 

“Yeah, they don’t seem like the most loving parents,” Jared scoffed. 

 

Chris gave him a long look, seemed to deliberate. “No, they’re not,” he finally said. “It’s not that they don’t care about him, because they do, but they take appearance and representation very seriously. There’s no room for weakness in the royal family and it’s most important that the heir and the future conjurer of the court do well.”

 

Jensen’s older sister had been born with the gift, so she wouldn’t be queen but the conjurer of the court. The heir was the second son which left Jensen to be married off for political gain as Jared had learned. It still made him furious how Jensen’s parents had treated him. 

 

Chris was scrutinizing Jared carefully and even though Jared was curious to hear more about the dynamics at the Alendan court and how they’d influenced Jensen’s life, that was Jensen’s story to tell, not Chris’s. And he had a feeling Chris was testing him, was waiting for him to ask a question.

 

“So,” Jared said, “Jensen had a lot to prove and you guys went out onto the river.”

 

Chris rewarded him with a small, approving smile. “Yeah. It wasn’t like he dragged me along against my will. My father, he had high hopes for me.  He received the position of Seneschal when he was really young so of course he expected exceptional things from his oldest child.  So we both had something to prove.”

 

“You know, you don’t have to tell me, if you don’t want to.”

 

“I usually don’t,” Chris said, his voice even. “In Alenda, you don’t bring up your shame. But here, it’s different. Admitting weakness is seen as courageous, and is rewarded with friendship.” Chris was tracking Alona with guarded eyes and Jared wondered how much they’d shared. 

 

“I told Jensen that to have weaknesses is what it means to be human,” Jared said. “That’s how Scayens see it anyway.”

 

Chris nodded. “So I begin to understand. It’s liberating, actually.”

 

“Is that why you want to tell me?” Jared asked skeptically.

 

“No,” Chris said with a short laugh. “I want to tell you so when Jensen finally bares himself to you, you understand him. I want you to know because Jensen doesn't see himself clearly, never has. But I hope that you will.” Chris’s expression was dead serious.

 

Jared was pretty sure he already saw Jensen clearly, but he was not about to argue with Chris. “Okay.”

 

“Good.” Chris leaned back, looking out on the lake where Alona was attempting to spin on her own axis with a brilliant smile on her face, her blond hair flying wildly in all directions. “Now, the Damor was still frozen over but in a few spots, the ice had gotten thin, had holes in it where the current was strong or close to the shore. But we knew we could do it. We were eleven years old, almost men.”

 

Chris snorted. 

 

“I remember that age,” Jared said. “Chad and I were pretty stupid back then.”

 

“Chad’s still stupid,” Chris said with a grin. “But you’re right, we were mostly stupid. But we were also good. We were daring but not reckless. We would have been fine.”

 

“So what happened?” Jared asked curiously.

 

“My sister followed us out to the river. She looks so much like our mother, she had to fight even harder for our father to see in her anything else but a precious miniature of our mother.” A shadow crossed Chris’s face and Jared remembered Jensen mentioning that Chris's mother had died when he was young. Jared wasn’t sure how peopl e in Alenda expressed condolences so he remained quiet and waited for Chris to continue.

 

“My sister is three years younger than me and she was a great skater, even better than Jensen, but of course, we never took her along with us. She was practically still a baby.” Chris’s expression was so soft and fond, Jared didn’t dare interrupt.

 

“Anyway. She followed us, and when we got onto the river, she joined us, trying to prove she was just as good as we were. And she was. She was great but she didn’t have our experience; didn’t know how to watch the ice for thin spots.”

 

Jared sucked in a sharp breath. He had a feeling he knew where this was going.

 

Chris shot him an affirmative look. “Yeah. We were yelling at her to get back to shore but she just skated down the river, stubbornly showing off. We followed and one moment she was there, yelling at me that I was a prissy spoilsport and the next the ice cracked and she disappeared.” Chris’s face contorted in despair and regret. “I just froze. She was gone and I couldn’t move a single muscle. I was just staring at the spot where she’d vanished. It was Jensen who went after her. He skated to the hole, without taking a care for himself, but she wasn’t there anymore, the current had dragged her off. We were close to a bend in the river, with a lot of stone where the ice had broken up days ago. Jensen rushed over, skated past the stones and to this day I think the spirits were guiding his skates because there’s no other way the ice should have held him.” Chris huffed, looking like he remembered more than one occurrence of their childhood. “Then, when the ice ended he just tore his jacket off and hurled himself into the water. By that time I was able to move again. I skated to the shore and then ran down the river. When I came around the bend, Jensen was dragging my sister to shore. She was blue in the face but she was still alive.”

 

“She survived,” Jared stated. 

 

“She did,” Chris said quietly. “Because Jensen saved her when her own brother couldn’t.”

 

“You were in shock,” Jared protested. “It was your sister.”

 

Chris gave him a hard smile. “That’s not how anyone in Alenda would see it.”

 

“So your father…”

 

“Was furious,” Chris finished his sentence. “Humiliated. He wanted to disown me, cast me out. But Jensen swore he’d never tell anyone what had happened, that he’d say we’d saved her together.” Chris fixed Jared with a hard looked. “His parents would have rewarded him for being so brave but he split the credit with me, made this story from extraordinary to mundane to protect me. He saved my sister’s life force and then he saved my life. So I made a blood oath.” Carefully, Chris started pulling his right sleeve back. He showed the inside of his wrist to Jared where a broad tattooed band wove around his arm. The two ends formed half moon circles, barely a hair’s breath apart. In the middle there was a miniature of an eagle in flight,  Jensen's family crest, and from there a stylized river snaked its way up to Chris elbow.

 

“I will never leave his side,” Chris said carefully, as if he was reciting an oath. “Unless he commands me away. I will give my life to protect him and die by his side so that I can continue to serve him in the spirit realm.”

 

Jared didn’t need to ask Chris if he was serious about the dying part, he understood Alendans well enough by now to know this was serious. 

 

“What did your father say about that?” Jared asked instead.

 

Chris grinned. “The bastard used it to strengthen his position at court. He’d given his son to serve and protect a royal prince. It’s a great gesture of devotion and it secured him the best place at the table for years.”

 

“Fucking politics,” Jared said and Chris hummed in agreement.

 

“And now you’re here,” Jared continued. “And I have a feeling you don’t hate it.”

 

Chris cut a sharp look to him. “No, I don’t hate it.”

 

“You know,” Jared said casually. “Alona has six siblings. Her parents have already resigned themselves to her living at court as a knight, so they won’t care at all who she dates. Or marries. She has total freedom in the love department. That’s a really great thing about Scayen.”

 

“Love department?” Chris asked with raised eyebrows.

 

Jared made a face. “I spend a lot of time with Chad.”

 

“So who saved who there so that you’re stuck with him?” Chris asked but the teasing in his voice was friendly.

 

“We took classes together,” Jared explained. “A lot of the children of Scayen nobles get their education at Cor Calidor. Chad and I got along and he was miserable at home so even as a kid, he tried to stay at court as much as he could.  He was one of the few kids who befriended Felicia too.”

 

Chris shot him a puzzled look.

 

“Felicia’s mother was a washerwoman and no one knows who her father was. It doesn’t matter, but some of the other nobles just couldn’t get over that, fucking snobs.” Jared huffed at the memories. “But Chad was never like that.  And we just clicked.” Jared remembered the early days of their friendship with a fond smile. “And he was a year older, he knew  _ everything _ .” Jared laughed. “He tried to teach me how to court a girl and when it became clear that I wasn’t interested in girls he did his best to adapt his techniques to guys.”

 

“Did it work?” Chris asked curiously.

 

Jared remembered how Jensen had stared at him when he’d undressed in front of him. “I like to think that they liked me for me but I’m not going to deny that Chad knows his stuff.”

 

Chris looked out across the lake where Chad was now horsing around with Alona. “You know, it doesn’t look like it.”

 

“Well, Chad’s not suicidal enough to hit on Alona. He tried, when we were fifteen or sixteen and she just  _ eviscerated _ him on the training grounds. It was brutal.”

 

“I would pay good money to see that,” Chris said with a dreamy expression.

 

“It was a privilege to witness,” Jared said gravely, then they both laughed.

 

The sound drew Jensen’s attention, who slowly came over to them.

 

“Just remember,” Chris said quietly, quickly, “he doesn’t see himself the way he truly is.”

 

“I will,” Jared replied. “And thank you.”

 

Chris gave him a curt nod, then he looked towards Jensen again. “...and then Jensen beat Justin in every single competition of the winter solstice games,” Chris said, continuing a conversation Jared and he could have been having, covering their real topic of conversation. “Justin’s face was priceless, still one of my fondest memories.”

 

A frown line appeared between Jensen’s eyes when he came close enough to hear what Chris was talking about. “Why are you telling Jared that old story?”

 

“He asked if everyone could skate as well as you can,” Chris said nonchalantly. 

 

Jensen brushed him off. “I’m in no way the best skater and many people skate as well as I do. It was one winter solstice where I won the majority of the trophies, and that was just because my sister didn’t participate and Justin wasn’t all that hard to beat. ”

 

Chris gave Jared a long-suffering look. “He won the obstacle course race every year and at least one speeding competition. 

 

“I had a lot of time to practice,” Jensen shrugged it off. “So did my siblings, and my sister has more trophies than me.”

 

Chris threw Jared a see-what-I-mean look. And Jared did see it. So many things slotted into place. Jensen was a brilliant rider, and yet he hadn't wanted to ride a Scayen horse after his first misstep, instead practicing in the training ring, thinking he wasn’t good enough to go for a ride with Jared. Jensen was also a great climber and yet, he’d never boasted of his skills to Jared, hadn’t even seemed to realize what an accomplishment scaling the steep rock face at Mons Arbor was. Obviously, Jensen had a very skewed perspective of himself and in his abilities and Jared wondered what else he didn’t dare because he thought he wasn’t good enough.

 

Jared looked at Jensen, whose cheeks were still flushed but whose expression clearly said that his victory at the winter solstice had been nothing special. 

 

“Well, to me you look like you’re flying, when you’re on the ice,” Jared said.

 

Jensen’s blush deepened and he shook his head. “Clearly, you have no idea.”

 

“Pff, I’m already an expert,” Jared said with a grin and stood, carefully walking on his skates to the edge of the frozen lake. “I could still use some help though.”

 

Jensen snorted but he took Jared by the hands and pulled him back out on the ice. They stayed on the lake until Jared’s legs were shaking and his feet were cramping but he didn’t mind, because Jensen’s face was only an inch away from his when they slowly spun on the ice, Jensen trying to teach him what he called a whirl. 

 

Jensen’s eyes were still full of longing but he didn’t protest when they left the ice.

 

Felicia came over to them with a very satisfied smile on her face. “The spell is holding up incredibly well, and with the cool temperatures in the cave I don’t see why it won’t hold up until spring comes.”

 

“Really?” Jensen asked, amazement in his voice.

 

Felicia nodded, her expression downright smug. “Oh yes. And that overachieving know-it-all told me elemental magic can’t be sustained. Ha.”

 

Jensen shot Jared a confused look.

 

“Convent rivalries,” Jared said. “I’ll explain later. How about we go back now, because I’m starving.”

 

“But we’ll come back,” Jensen said.

 

Jared nodded. “You can come back here whenever you like of course, but yeah, I’ll definitely come with you.”

 

Jensen gave him a blinding smile and Jared leaned down to kiss him, completely forgetting that they were technically out in public. But Jensen didn’t pull back and Jared barely suppressed a victory fistpump. 

 

Half the group was already lounging around on the great rocks in the cave; only Chris and Alona were still on the lake.

 

“Should we interrupt their moment?” Jared asked, watching how close they glided together over the lake. 

 

“Guys, get your asses over here, we’re starving,” Chad hollered out to the ice.

 

Jensen rolled his eyes and Jared gave Chad an exasperated look.

 

“What?” Chad looked at them innocently. “Hey, I’m doing Alona a favor, okay? She’s been dying to climb Chris for weeks, and this is the closest they’ve ever been but it’s definitely not gonna happen out here.”

 

Jared couldn’t help but grin. “You’re a true friend.” He clapped Chad on the shoulder.

 

“You know it,” Chad said then leaned in closer to Jared. “Besides, you should get home too.”

 

Jared gave Chad a playful shove but Chad still winked. “Don’t forget the blindfold,” he whispered and then started gathering up all the ice skates. 

 

Unbelievable. Jared still picked up the blindfold but that was just because he didn’t want it lying around out there. He resolutely did not think of any use the dark scarf could have in bed.   
  
  
  


When they returned to Cor Calidor it was already late. Countless torches were lighting up the castle’s walkways and courtyards, giving it a warm and welcoming glow in the cold night. In the stables, Jensen took his time to unsaddle Artrax. 

 

Jared watched and he was thrilled to see that they’d become friends. Artrax was a proud and temperamental horse but he’d taken to Jensen, even rubbed his head against Jensen’s chest or back to demand attention. Jensen gave it happily and like Jared, he’d taken to bringing apples and other treats down to the stables. Jensen and Artrax made a stunning visual pair, Artrax jet black except for the white star on his forehead, and Jensen with his fair skin and dark blond hair. Though Jared couldn’t help but notice that Jensen had tanned, not as much as Jared, but his skin had darkened and his freckles had bloomed, covering his face with a golden dusting. And now Jared was standing in Jova’s box, waxing poetic about his husband like a love-struck idiot.

 

Jova puffed out a breath and nudged him with her nose. “Yeah, yeah,” Jared muttered and dug into his pants pocket for a piece of honey cake. She whinnied happily and Jared fed her the treat, still watching Jensen brush down Artrax.

 

Jensen looked over and caught him staring. “What?” he asked, sounding slightly self-conscious.

 

“Nothing.” Jared smiled. “I’m just happy you two get along.”

 

Jensen patted Artrax appreciatively. “He’s great. Thank you, Jared.”

 

“It’s nothing,” Jared said and watched in delight as Jensen rolled his eyes. That would never get old. 

 

After they’d taken care of their horses, Jared and Jensen made their way up to the castle. The others had said their goodnights a while ago; even Chris had left. He’d followed Alona up to the castle and Jared had a feeling those two were getting serious.

 

He wanted to ask Jensen about it, but when they got to their rooms, Jensen kissed him, long and with feeling.

 

“I know you don’t want to hear it, but thank you. Today was… unbelievable. That you did this for me, it means so much. I just — thank you.” Jensen’s expression was so sincere, so earnest, Jared couldn’t help but smile in return.

 

“You’re welcome. But after you gave up everything to come here, it was the least I could do.”

 

Jensen let out a half-laugh, half-snort. “You say that like it’s something everybody would do, but they wouldn’t.”

 

Jared shrugged. “Then they’re idiots. Seriously, Jensen, I just want you happy here.”

 

“With you?” Jensen asked softly.

 

“Yes. But also here in general. I want you to be able to feel like this is your home.”

 

Jensen took a step closer towards him, took his hand. “It’s starting to feel that way,” he said quietly. “You’re making it feel that way.”

 

That’s because I love you, Jared thought wildly, but he couldn’t speak the words, not now, when he was surprised by them himself. He wasn’t sure how he hadn’t realized it sooner, that his infatuation with Jensen, his teenage crush had grown into something deep and solid, that it had struck roots deep in his chest, just like the tattoo Jensen had on his foot. But it was glaringly obvious now, and he swallowed, tried to think of something to say that wouldn’t push Jensen back again. 

 

“I’m glad,” he managed. “I care about you, a lot, and I wish for nothing but your trust and your affection.”

 

The words were stilted, overly formal, but they were the only thing he could come up with and judging from Jensen’s fierce expression, he didn’t mind.

 

“I care for you too,” he said. “So much.”

 

And then he kissed Jared furiously, his hands finding their way into Jared’s hair. Jared replied in kind and together they stumbled back towards their bed. They shed their jackets and boots while walking; Jensen shrugged off the vest he was wearing over his shirt and Jared just tore off his thick pullover.

 

They fell down on the bed, and when Jared kissed his way down Jensen’s neck and experimentally nosed at the collar, Jensen didn’t push him away. His fingers tightened on Jared’s shoulders, drew him in closer and his breathing sped up and the only thought Jared could think was ‘finally’.

 

But when he started to undo the first button of Jensen's shirt, Jensen reached up to still his hand.

 

“Don’t,” Jensen said, his voice rough, and kissed Jared, probably to take the sting out of it. If that was his intention, it didn’t work.

 

“Seriously?” Jared leaned back. “After everything, after today, and you still don’t trust me?”

 

Jared knew he should shut up but it just fucking hurt. He loved Jensen, so much, and he had no idea what else he could do to show Jensen he could trust him.

 

“After what you did for me today?” Jensen asked incredulously and sat up. “Are you fucking kidding me? Do you think you can buy my trust, buy my intimacy with some kind of grand gesture?”

 

“Buy your intimacy?” Jared choked on the words, he was that mad. “How can you even think that?”

 

“Well what else am I supposed to think?” Angrily, Jensen got out of bed. “You can’t just do something nice for me and then expect me to get naked.”

 

“That’s not what—” Jared started but Jensen didn’t let him finish.

 

“You say that you care, that I can trust you, and then you just expect me to give you everything, like you can buy me.”

 

“I don’t want to buy anything,” Jared ground out. “I just want you to realize that I would never do anything to hurt you, that I’d do  _ anything _ to make you happy. That you can trust me. Because honestly Jensen, I don't know what else to do.”

 

Jensen opened his mouth, but no words came out. 

 

“Great.” Jared dragged a hand through his hair in agitation. “I try and try to make you feel welcome here, to earn your trust and you give me nothing.” 

 

At Jensen’s mouth hardening into an angry line, Jared waved him off. “I don’t mean sex. I mean that I try and try to make this work and you just — do nothing.” Jared dropped his head into his hands. There was a thought here that he hadn’t let himself think but maybe it was time to face up to it.

  
“Or maybe I’m just not important enough to you. And if that’s the case, fine. Then at least tell me so I can stop trying to bend over backwards to make things work for you, can stop letting you trample all over my feelings just so that I don’t hurt yours.” The words were just spilling out of Jared and he couldn’t stop them. He’d been trying so hard, and this was what he got for his efforts? “I’m trying to be understanding here, because I get that your situation is hard, but enough is enough. So fucking decide Jensen, if you want this marriage to be a true relationship or not, because if you don’t, I’m done. I can’t do this anymore.”

 

There was a long silence. Jared didn’t dare look up, too afraid of what he might find on Jensen’s face. Then Jensen cleared his throat.

 

“I care. About us and our marriage. I want — I appreciate what you’ve done. And I’ve been trying too.” Jensen’s voice broke and when he spoke again, there was a desperate edge to it. “Why is this so important to you?”

 

“Because trust is the basis for every relationship,” Jared said tiredly, blinking his eyes quickly against the burning in them. “It just fucking hurts if you can’t do that. And for the record, with what happened today, I didn’t mean this ‘grand gesture,’” Jared said. “I meant that I basically humiliated myself in front of you today on the ice. I wanted to do something nice for you, help you feel at home here and even though I didn’t show it, I don’t particularly enjoy making a fool out of myself in front of you. But I trust you, I know you won’t use it against me and I just thought it would help you trust me too.”

 

“I fucking do trust you, Jared, but that’s not the same!” Jensen almost shouted at him.

 

“What’s not the same?” Jared asked, perplexed. “Jensen, whatever it is you think you did—” 

 

“I was a fucking coward, okay?” Jensen yelled. He stopped, chest heaving and eyes wide in realization. Then he rubbed a hand over his face and closed his eyes, pain etched into his features. “I was a coward and I didn't want you to know.”

 

“What?”

 

“If I show you, who I really am, if you see who I really am, you’ll look at me different,” Jensen said bitterly.

 

Jared shook his head. “Jensen, I see you exactly as you are; I don’t know what you think is  on your skin that’s so terrible, but I can promise you, it won’t change how I feel about you.”

 

“You think so?” Jensen asked harshly and started undoing the buttons of his shirt. “You really think so?” He pulled his shirt off with wooden movements. 

 

Jared stared frozen, at the smooth and pale skin of Jensen’s chest, only marked by a small dark shape on the right side, at his defined muscles and the dark tattoo covering the lower half of his belly. Jared caught a glimpse of a tattoo on Jensen’s arm, then his eyes were drawn to Jensen’s hands moving lower.

 

“Nothing’s going to change?” Jensen voice was hard, and there was a bitter look in his eyes, when he reached for the buttons of his pants with shaking hands.

 

That startled Jared into action. “Jensen, stop.” Jared gripped Jensen’s hands tightly. “Look, you don’t — I don’t want to force you. If it’s still too hard, then you don’t have to. But you gotta believe me when I say you can, baby. I swear, whatever it is, we’ll get through this.”

 

Jensen looked down, and Jared at first thought Jensen was looking at their joined hands before he realized Jensen was staring at the tattoo at his hip, dark vines with thin sharp leaves disappearing under the waistline of his pants. A single white blossom was blooming just inside of his left hipbone.

 

“No,” Jensen said hoarsely. “I need to show you. I’ve been hiding long enough.” Jensen’s voice was stormy and Jared realized all the anger, the resentment he’d seen in Jensen, it wasn’t directed at him. Jensen was angry with himself.

 

“Okay,” Jared said softly. He wanted to help Jensen, tell him everything would be alright, but he knew that Jensen needed to work through this himself.

 

Again, Jensen reached down and started to unbutton his pants.

 

“You don’t have to show me all at once,” Jared said gently.

 

“I do,” Jensen said. “I want to.” Slowly, he opened his pants. He was wearing dark, short and fitted underpants like was customary in Scayen. They were a stark contrast to the almost white skin of his stomach and legs but the dark lines of the tattoo blended perfectly with it.

 

As Jensen carefully pushed down his pants, he revealed the continuation of the vine-like tree that grew on his legs, the roots of which Jared had seen at the harvest festival.

 

“Besides,” Jensen added, and his voice was only shaking slightly, “I should start at the beginning.”

 

“Okay,” Jared said again, already transfixed by all the markings Jensen was revealing. The vine-tree wasn’t his only tattoo; there was the shape on his arm and a little row of birds on his knee and as Jensen bent lower to pull off his pants, Jared spotted a dark design stretching across his shoulders. But he waited, patiently, for Jensen to tell him.

 

“Sit,” Jensen commanded quietly. “I can’t think with you taking up all the space.”

 

Stumped, Jared plopped down on the bed. 

 

Jensen’s mouth twisted in a self-deprecating smile. “Usually, I like it, even if it’s fucking difficult to concentrate when you’re just there,  _ everywhere _ , but I need space for this.”

 

Jared nodded, trying not to think about what this meant. Not now, when Jensen was practically naked in front of him and was finally about to tell him about the tattoos. He’d ask later what exactly Jensen meant when he said it was hard to concentrate around Jared.

 

“When a child is one year old, and has a firm place in our world, a conjurer will anchor the child to our country. Every person has a path they live on, and every year that path is inked into our skin.” Jensen twisted and pointed down to his left foot. Thick dark roots covering it converged into a strong trunk growing up his calf. At his knee, the trunk split again, vines weaving up his thigh.

 

“Your growth is always symbolized by a child of the earth, like a tree or a flower. Sometimes, when things happen in your life, they manifest.” Jensen pointed below his knee, next to the trunk, to the shapes of tiny birds. There was one, just below his knee, sitting down and then two above that, stretching their wings and flying. “My parents were very protective of me and my siblings. But this was the summer I kept running away from my nanny until I spent a whole day alone in the forest.”

 

Jared realized the three birds were really just one, the tattoo showing its development from nest to flight. “That’s beautiful.”

 

Jensen followed the vines on his thigh with his finger, then pushed his underpants up, revealing the side of his hip. There was a picture of a ragged sphere. The middle was split open and in the hole was a symbol that looked a little bit like the number eight lying on its side. Over the design a sharp-clawed bird of prey was hovering.

 

“What’s that?” Jared asked.

 

“It’s the symbol for eternity,” Jensen said quietly. “After Chris swore his oath, this is what the conjurer imprinted.” 

 

“And the bird?”

 

“The gray hawk is the heraldic animal of Chris’s family.”

 

So the broken sphere was the river’s broken ice. 

 

“Why did you not want me to see this?” Jared asked.

 

Jensen swallowed. “Because of this.” He let go of his underwear and pointed to the bright white flower low on his abdomen.

 

The single blossom growing in the vines had sharp pointy petals arranged like a star.

 

Slowly, Jared reached a hand out. Jensen sucked in a sharp breath but didn’t make a move to stop Jared. In fact, he didn’t move at all. 

 

Jared touched Jensen’s warm skin. The tattooed area didn’t feel different than the pale skin surrounding it. He followed a vine and traced the shape of the flower. Right next to it, half hidden behind three petals, he saw another bud, this one closed. “What does it mean?”

 

“It means I was scared and it took me some time to overcome it,” Jensen said, barely audible.

 

And Jared understood. Fear was the greatest disgrace for Jensen’s people. 

 

“What were you afraid of?” Jared asked quietly.

 

“Coming here.” Jensen’s voice was scratchy and the muscles under Jared’s fingers were tensed rock-hard. “Leaving my home for a country I didn’t understand, marrying a man just because we both happen to be attracted to men and not because we share a connection. Being trapped in a loveless marriage in a country without snow, without evergreen forests and without my dogs. Only seeing my family once every few years, only communicating with letters.”

 

Jensen stepped back, away from Jared’s hand, as if he couldn’t bear his touch anymore. “I’m afraid of losing the connection to home. I’m afraid this will be the last tattoo I ever get.”

 

Jared didn’t think Jensen even noticed his shift to present tense and it broke his heart. But he had a feeling telling Jensen that everyone would have been afraid, that it was nothing to be ashamed of wouldn't console Jensen. So instead he reached for Jensen’s hip, rubbed his thumb along the infinity symbol. 

 

“Chris told me what happened. He said you were brave and generous. You saved his sister without a thought for your own life and then you shared the credit with him.”

 

“He’s my best friend,” Jensen said as if that explained everything. 

 

Chris was right; Jensen didn’t see himself clearly. Jared looked up to Jensen’s arm, to the interwoven lines that formed an almost geometric symbol on the inside of his right forearm.

 

“What’s that one?”

 

“It’s Dani’s and my mark-sibling bond,” Jensen said and his face softened. “In the beginning it was only two lines crossing, but every year it grew until it finished into one endless loop when we turned sixteen, when we became adults.”

 

In Scayen people weren’t considered adults until they were twenty. So Jensen had also needed to grow up much faster than Jared.

 

Jared looked up into Jensen’s face, saw the tense lines around his mouth, the worry in his eyes.

 

On impulse, Jared leaned forward and pressed a kiss to the flower on Jensen’s stomach. He leaned his forehead against Jensen’s warm skin, felt him tremble beneath him.

 

“I don’t care that there’s a little flower bud. What matters is that there’s a bright open blossom. So you were scared. You fought it, and you came here, and you made the best of it. That’s what matters.”

 

Jensen exhaled a shaky breath and his fingers found their way into Jared’s hair.

 

“Actually,” Jared said slowly, “if you think about it, the flowers aren’t about you being scared at all. They’re about you growing. They’re about you being courageous.”

 

Jensen let out a sob-like laugh. “Only you, Jared.”

 

Jared looked at up Jensen. “I bet every other tattoo you have will tell me something brave, something tenacious or daring. Because that’s what you are.”

 

Slowly, Jensen brought his hand to Jared’s face, cupping his jaw and rubbing his thumbs along Jared's cheekbones. Jared smiled, and Jensen’s thumbs trailed down to trace Jared’s dimples.

 

From his spot on the bed, Jared could see that the tattoo on Jensen’s chest actually was much larger, an animal that looked like a cross between a sheep and a goat standing on a steep hill tattooed across Jensen’s ribs, its head peeking out across Jensen’s chest.

 

Jared leaned in and to the side, pressed his mouth against the animal's hind legs. “What’s this?”

 

“It’s a mountain sheep,” Jensen said.

 

“A mountain sheep?” Jared asked, skeptically looking at the creature’s head which was adorned with large, curving horns.

 

“They live high up in the mountains,” Jensen explained. “They’re incredible climbers and very strong. They’re hard to hunt because they’re so agile and graze in very hard to access parts of the mountains.”

 

Jared stretched to move his mouth over the tattooed animal. “Reminds me of someone I know.”

 

Jensen let out a huff but his hands slid back into Jared’s hair. This time, his fingernails scratched along Jared’s scalp, sending shivers down his spine. 

 

Jared lowered his hands, letting them rest on Jensen’s hips. “Your tattoos are amazing,” he said. Slowly, he drew Jensen in, lightly enough to give Jensen the choice to resist but Jensen came willingly, sliding into Jared’s lap.

 

“You really think so,” Jensen said and his voice was filled with quiet wonder. “You really think the blossoms are about courage, not fear.”

 

“Yes,” Jared said with emphasis and kissed Jensen. 

 

And Jensen just sank into Jared. The tension left his body and he relaxed in Jared’s lap, letting Jared take his full weight. He buried his face in the crook of Jared’s neck, his breath puffing warm against Jared’s back.

 

“Every one of your tattoos shows how amazing you are,” Jared said.

 

When Jensen let out a disbelieving snort, Jared flipped him around so he was lying on the bed and crawled over him. Jared kissed him, his mouth, the tip of his nose, then trailed his mouth lower, down Jensen’s neck. He sucked softly at the point where he could feel Jensen’s heart beat, then he moved lower, to the tattooed mountain sheep. 

 

“Agile and strong,” Jared muttered, kissing along the dark lines. Jensen sucked in a sharp breath.

 

“And if I know one thing about sheep, they’re fucking stubborn.” Softly, Jared bit into the spot below the sheep’s hooves, right at the edge of Jensen’s ribcage.

 

Jensen’s stomach fluttered. 

 

Jared turned his head to the right, to where Jensen’s arm was lying on the bed, muscles tense and tendons tight as his fingers dug into the sheets. Jared took his hand, slid his palm up Jensen’s arms, traced the lines of the mark-sibling tattoo. He didn’t kiss it, because this was Jensen and Danneel’s. But he wanted to put his mouth and his hands on every other tattoo, on every single inch of Jensen’s body — tattooed and unmarked. 

 

He slid his hand up Jensen’s arm, dragged his thumb over the delicate skin on the inside of his elbow, along the dark blue veins there. Underneath him, Jensen’s chest was rising and falling with every labored breath he took and Jared looked into his face.

 

Jensen was flushed and his eyes were open, glinting feverishly bright and tracking every one of Jared’s movements.

 

Jared let his hands follow the contours of Jensen’s arms, the dip and swell of the muscles, the round line of his shoulders, along the hard line of his collarbone. There were light freckles dusting Jensen’s pale skin everywhere on his arms and his shoulders and Jared leaned down to trace them with his tongue. 

 

He followed a waterfall-like constellation down Jensen’s sternum, and Jensen’s breathing sped up. Jared wasn’t doing much better. He’d been so fascinated by Jensen’s tattoos, so spellbound by finally getting to kiss and touch him, he hadn’t realized how much it turned him on, how desire was thrumming in his veins, how much he needed to feel Jensen.

 

It wasn’t a conscious decision to move his mouth lower, to trail the tattooed vines on Jensen’s stomach, to suck on the skin above the flower. Jensen’s hands were almost painful in his hair now but the sting just made Jared more desperate to feel Jensen. 

 

He reached the waistband of Jensen’s underwear, almost wanted to pull them down, and Jensen was already raising his hips to help. But Jared moved past it, ignored the hard outline of Jensen’s dick under the dark fabric in favor of gliding his lips across the vines on Jensen’s thigh. He followed the one growing on the inside, the skin getting softer, and Jensen moaned.

 

“Jared—”

 

“Do you want me to stop?” Jared asked, making his way to Jensen’s knee, to where the vines grew out of the thick tree trunk.

 

“No but you can — you don’t have to…” Jensen’s voice was strained, in the way it always got when he was aroused and Jared had to take a moment to not just climb up Jensen’s body and rip his underwear off.

 

“I know,” Jared said, “but I want to.”

 

“Okay,” Jensen said breathlessly. “You might kill me, but okay.”

 

Jared laughed into the back of Jensen’s knee. Then he kissed the little birds and followed the trunk down Jensen’s calf. He pressed a kiss to Jensen’s ankle then looked up at Jensen.

 

“Good?”

 

Jensen licked his lips. “If you come up here right now, yeah.”

 

Jared grinned and crawled up Jensen’s body. Jensen reached for him, pulled him between the vee of his legs and down on his body. For the longest time, they just kissed, grinding against each other in a now familiar rhythm. But the contact of skin on skin was still so new, so overwhelming and Jared couldn’t get enough of it. Jensen’s skin was smooth except for the occasional ridge that felt like a scar and Jared swore that he’d explore all of them later.

 

For now, he reached between them, for the waistband of Jensen’s underwear.

 

“Can I?”

 

“No.” Jensen's voice was low and deep. 

 

Jared had a moment to wonder what had gone wrong, then Jensen rolled them around and straddled Jared’s hips.

 

“It’s my turn now,” he said and leaned down to place a chaste kiss on Jared’s chest.

 

This wasn’t new — Jared had taken his shirt off before — but when Jensen scooted lower, his ass provided much needed friction on Jared’s aching dick for a second before it was gone again. But then there was Jensen’s hot mouth, kissing and biting down Jared’s chest and abdomen and Jared had a pretty good idea where this was headed.

 

“Fuck, Jensen.”

 

“Later,” Jensen muttered.

 

Jared let out a breathless laugh. “Oh goddess, you’ve spent too much time with Chad.”

 

“Jared,” Jensen said dryly. “Shut up.”

 

Then he pulled down Jared’s pants and underwear and Jared lost the ability to speak anyway. 

 

Jensen took his time, his fingers drawing circles on Jared’s skin, tracing the ridges of his abdominal muscles, following his treasure trail down to the root of his dick. When Jensen finally touched Jared’s dick, jerking him slowly, Jared was moments away from begging.

 

He still couldn’t stop himself. “Jensen—”

 

“Yes.” Jensen’s face was scrunched up in concentration when he leaned down and took Jared into his mouth.  

 

“Oh fuck.” Jared had to close his eyes because feeling and seeing Jensen doing this for the first time was too much.

 

He had to concentrate on keeping his hips still, on not pushing up into Jensen’s hot and wet mouth. Jensen was moving slowly at first but then he sped up and did something wicked with his tongue that had Jared moaning and his hips twitching.

 

One of Jensen's arms laid across Jared’s hips like an iron band, the other was alternately holding his dick and rolling his balls. It was driving Jared crazy.

 

But he couldn’t miss this so he forced his eyes open and the sight took his breath away. Jensen was looking up at him with lidded eyes, his long eyelashes fluttering on his cheeks, flashes of green in between. 

 

“Fuck.” Jared threw his head back as Jensen took him deeper, pressing his tongue against the sensitive spot just below the head. “Jensen, I’m not — fuck — I won’t last, not like this, you gotta stop, okay, I want…”

 

He trailed off when Jensen drew back, his lips dark red and swollen. “What do you want?” he asked hoarsely.

 

“Everything,” Jared managed to get out. “I don’t care which way, but I want everything with you.”

 

Jensen nodded and crawled up Jared’s body like a big, predatory cat. “Yeah. I want that too.” Jensen leaned down, let his lips brush against Jared’s, then sucked his bottom lip into his mouth. “I’ve never done this before,” Jensen said quietly against Jared’s mouth. 

 

“Doesn’t matter,” Jared replied. “I’ve never done this with you either. We’ll figure each other out together. So, how do you wanna…?”

 

“Fuck?” Jensen asked, one eyebrow raised. 

 

Jared laughed. “And here I was trying to be delicate.”

 

Jensen snorted. “Is that what you want?”

 

Jared grinned. “No.”

 

“Good.” Jensen’s tongue peeked out to wet his lips. “I want you to fuck me.”

 

Jared’s mouth went dry and he swallowed before he could speak. “Okay.”

 

“This time,” Jensen added.

 

Jared nodded. “Fuck. Yes.”

 

A smile flitted across Jensen’s face, then his expression turned serious. “How do you want to do this?”

 

Jared sat up and maneuvered Jensen off of him and onto all fours. ”This will be the easiest, trust me.”

 

“I do.”

 

Two little words, said so casually, and Jared had to take a moment, to revel in Jensen’s trust and to fight back the almost hysteric laugh bubbling in his chest, that after everything, it was just so fucking easy now.

 

So he dug his fingers into Jensen’s hips, took a breath and focused on Jensen’s back. It was just as breathtaking as his front, all corded muscle and pale, freckle-dusted skin. Across his shoulder stretched an impressive tattoo. It was a bird, wings and body inked in thick, almost splotchy streaks, like the shadow of the bird, not the animal itself. Jared knew it; a smaller, slightly clearer version had graced every sigil on the letters Jensen had sent from Alenda. It was the royal crest, the symbol of Jensen’s family. He’d read it was the mountain eagle, the largest bird of prey in these lands. The outline of a landscape spanned above the eagle, delineated mountains and the miniature shape of a castle, wooden slopes and a shoreline with crashing waves.

 

Reverently, Jared ran his fingers over the tattoo, undoubtedly a mix of Jensen’s family crest and his actual home country. Jared leaned over Jensen’s back, covering him entirely, and traced the lines of the tattoo with his mouth. Jensen arched his back and pushed back against Jared’s hard dick.

 

“Jared, come on.”

 

“Okay yeah.” Jared couldn’t tear his mouth away from Jensen’s skin, not yet and Jensen huffed.

 

The muscles in his shoulder worked as he stretched out his arm, and then Jared heard the drawer of the nightstand open.

 

“Dammit,” Jensen muttered breathlessly, “Where’s the fucking…?”

 

Jared reached over Jensen’s arm, helped him fumble the little bottle of oil out of the nightstand.

 

He was liberal with the oil and took his time opening Jensen up, concentrating on his breathing, on the soft sounds he made. Jared lived for those small noises. Jensen was quiet in bed but sometimes it broke out of him and every little moan Jared managed to coax out of him felt like a victory against the cold Alendan facade Jensen still couldn't let go of completely. 

 

When Jared twisted his fingers and found the right spot, Jensen let out a low groan and threw his head back. “I’m ready. C’mon, Jared, I’m ready.”

 

Jared slicked himself up quickly and he was almost shaking when he finally pushed into Jensen. 

 

“Fuck.” Jensen was so fucking tight, Jared almost came on the spot. He stilled, trying to regain his equilibrium.

 

Impatiently, Jensen pushed back against him, taking him deeper.

 

Groaning, Jared gripped his hips and stilled him. “Jen, you gotta give me a moment here.”

 

Jensen huffed, the movement of his body doing interesting things to Jared’s dick. Jared pushed forward, unable to stay still, to stay away from Jensen. He tried to set a slow rhythm, but Jensen wasn't having it. He pressed back against Jared.

 

“Jared.” Jensen’s voice was completely shot.

 

“What do you need?” Jared pressed out.

 

“You,” Jensen ground out. “Please just — touch me.”

 

Jared gripped Jensen’s hips and he knew exactly what he meant. He just wanted to touch Jensen everywhere, be connected everywhere. Jared sat back on his haunches and pulled Jensen into his lap so they were flush against each other, chest to back.

 

Jensen let out a groan, half pleasure, half relief and leaned against Jared, dropped his head onto Jared’s shoulder. 

 

“Yeah.” Jared let his hands roam across Jensen’s chest, his stomach, over the tattooed vines and flowers.

 

Jensen arched into every touch, like a flower into the first rain of the season. He reached back, buried one hand in its favorite place in Jared’s hair and pulled Jared’s face against his neck. 

 

Jared kissed and bit at the skin, tasted salty sweat and underneath that the unique taste that made Jensen  _ Jensen _ . Jensen's other hand gripped Jared, held fast while Jared pushed up into Jensen's body, shallow and hard.

 

They were grinding together, nowhere more than an inch apart. Jensen was clutching at Jared’s neck and leg, fingers digging deep into Jared’s flesh and Jared didn't mind, not when he couldn’t stop his own hands from roaming over Jensen, when he had to touch and feel every inch of him.

 

“Fuck, Jared.” Jensen threw his head back on Jared’s shoulder, exposing the long column of his throat and Jared had to put his mouth there, had to bite at the freckles standing out on Jensen’s pale skin.

 

“So close,” Jensen bit out. 

 

“Me too,” Jared reached around, took Jensen in his hand and Jensen moved his hips quickly, pushing up into Jareds fist and back down on his dick.

 

Jensen was everywhere, pushing against him, his skin so hot, like a desert storm surrounding Jared, and Jared couldn’t hold on, not when the pleasure was racing through his veins and the pressure was building. Desperately, he jerked Jensen faster, wanted them to fall over the edge together, and then Jensen’s breathing sped up, became quick and harsh, a litany of Jared’s name pushed out on each breath and Jared buried his face in Jensen’s neck and let the storm sweep him away.

 

His whole body locked up when he came, his hips mindlessly shoving into Jensen trying to get even closer and Jensen held him tight, would leave finger shaped bruises on his skin and Jared wanted all of it.

 

They trembled together, both of them panting, Jensen leaning heavily against his chest and Jared needed all the concentration that his sex addled brain was capable of to get them horizontal without injury. He managed to maneuver them onto the bed, side by side, still back to chest, not willing to part despite their sweaty skin and the slick.

 

After a while, when their breathing had calmed and their hearts slowed, Jensen got out of bed. He stood, entirely naked in their bedroom and Jared could only stare. Jensen looked back at him, rubbing his head self-consciously. “It’s going to take some time to get used to this being naked thing.”

 

Jared nodded dumbly, unable to form words.

 

Jensen laughed softly, then disappeared to the baths and came back with a wet cloth. He wiped Jared off, lingered, winked, and then crawled back into bed with Jared. 

 

Jensen scooted over, resting his head on Jared’s chest. Jared put his arm around Jensen’s shoulders and looked at the tattoo across Jensen’s upper back again. He traced the dark lines of the bird.

 

“This is your heraldic animal, the mountain eagle, right?”

 

“Yeah.”

 

“I’ve read it’s the largest bird anywhere on this continent,” Jared said. It was one of the few things he remembered from the book on Alendan animals.

 

“Yeah,” Jensen said. “Their wingspan can reach over ten feet.”

 

“That’s almost twice as tall as I am.”

 

Jensen shot him a sceptical look. “I don't think so. What are you, like eight feet tall?”

 

“Ha ha,” Jared deadpanned. “So is there a special meaning to it or did you get that one because it’s your family’s animal?”

 

“Both,” Jensen said quietly. “The eagle appeared on my sixteenth birthday, when I became a grown up and officially an adult member of my family. It was an exact replica of the eagle in our crest. But last year, the tattoo changed and it became like this, with the landscape above it. That’s obviously Alenda, you can see the mountains, the peaks of Shatton Mountain and the White Peak and then our castle, Stormhold.”

 

Jared peered down at Jensen’s back, studying the eagle. It was still recognizable, but the ink splotches seemed almost blurred, foggy.

 

“So why did the eagle change?”

 

“Misha, one of the court conjurers, said it’s because it’s the eagle’s shadow.” Jensen’s voice was low and Jared heard the sadness in it. He thought Jensen would stop talking but he carried on. “The eagle symbolizes my family and the landscape my country. I carry their weight on my back as I marry to secure our economic future.”

 

“I’m sorry,” Jared said quietly.

 

Jensen shook his head. “I’m just sorry that I won’t get to see you on my skin.”

 

Startled, Jared looked at Jensen. “What do you mean?”

 

“Every change, every significant thing that happens to me is manifested into my skin. I’m pretty sure you’d count on both parts.”

 

“Hmm. What do you think I’d be?” Jared asked curiously.

 

“A sasquatch maybe?” Jensen said. “Or a moose?”

 

Sasquatches were legendary mountain monsters but Jared had no idea what a moose was.

 

“You keep saying that, moose. What is that?”

 

Jensen looked at him with wide eyes. “Well, a moose is an animal, a really big animal. Sort of like a deer but much bigger.”

 

Jared narrowed his eyes. “I see.”

 

“They’re very majestic,” Jensen hurried to say. “Very formidable. And really, really big. Long legs, huge shoulders.”

 

“What is it with you and my size today?” Jared asked because Jensen had never really commented much on that.

 

Jensen shrugged. “It was a bit more obvious today than usual.”

 

Jared’s mouth fell open. “Did you just...  make a dirty joke?”

 

Jensen grinned. “Just trying to adapt to my new home.”

 

“You’re doing an excellent job,” Jared said and kissed him. Then he drew back. “You know, I was actually kind of worried, before we married, that you might not like my size—”

 

“I do.” Jensen’s eyes twinkled mischievously.

 

“I meant my height,” Jared said, feeling the heat rising on his cheeks. “Because I’m taller than you.”

 

“It's different,” Jensen said seriously now, the teasing gone from his voice. “But I don’t mind. Something to get used to for sure but I don’t mind at all.” And he scooted a bit closer, rested his head on Jared’s shoulder. “And I’m sure your size will come in handy in all kinds of situations,” he added, the teasing lilt back in his voice.

 

“Dammit,” Jared cursed, unable to get all the pictures of what Jensen had just alluded to out of his mind. Then he remembered that he didn't have to hold back anymore and he rolled Jensen over, looming over him. “We should definitely try those out.”

 

Jensen licked his lips. “We definitely should.”

 

And for the rest of the night, they did.

  
  
  
  
  
  


 

Jared woke to an empty bed. He closed his eyes again and sincerely hoped that Jensen had just decided to go for an early swim. He couldn’t calm his thoughts, too much had happened last night, but then he heard the door open.  He opened his eyes and watched Jensen tiptoe into the room, carrying a coffee cup in one hand and a plate with something that was so warm, steam was rising from it in the other. Jared sniffed the air and detected coffee and the rich, buttery scent of puff pastries.

 

When Jensen saw that he was awake, he walked normally over to the bed and sat down, holding the plate out to Jared while taking a sip from his coffee.

 

“What’s that?” Jared asked, his voice rough from sleep. 

 

“An apology,” Jensen said sheepishly.

 

“For what?”

 

“I love spinach pastries,” Jensen admitted. “And I thought it was the cutest thing how you got the cook to make them for me at the farewell banquet when I was when we first met. But when I realized it was common food and your mother’s cousin was so disdained by it, I… I shouldn’t have said what I said, shouldn’t have made you feel like you remembered wrong. I just didn’t want to misstep at court.”

 

Stunned, Jared shook his head. “I knew I hadn’t remembered wrong. I just thought you had lied to me back then to make me feel better.”

 

“Oh, spirits, that’s even worse.” Jensen looked horrified. “Jared, I’m sorry, I just—”

 

Jared reached out and put a hand to Jensen’s lips. “I think we’ve done enough apologizing for a while.” Then he took a puff pastry because they were right there and they smelled delicious. “Seriously, Jensen, we were both pretty stupid and we both messed up, but it’s fine. I love you so much and we're totally figuring this out and you know, for an arranged marriage, we’re doing — rmpf.”

 

Jared stopped talking when Jensen kissed him, puff pastries flying everywhere.

 

When Jensen drew back, his eyes were glinting and he was smiling so bright the corners of his eyes were crinkling. Thankfully, he’d at least put down the coffee.

 

“What?” Jared asked confused. 

 

With a mischievous grin, Jensen licked his lips. “I love you too,” he said. 

 

It took Jared a moment to realize that he’d just blurted out his feelings for Jensen, but Jensen was giving him his brightest, happiest smile, so Jared guessed that was okay. Then it processed that Jensen loved him back and the emotions just exploded inside of Jared. He practically pounced on Jensen, enveloping him in a bone-crushing hug and kissing the life out of him.

 

Jensen laughed breathlessly but kissed him back. 

 

It had taken them four months, but finally, they didn’t leave their bed the whole day.

 

They ate the puff pastries, Jensen drank his coffee and then they picked up where they had left off. Jare d opened Jensen up again, with his mouth this time and Jensen went crazy. Then Jared fucked him face to face and they kissed, their mouths brushing the whole time. While he was still buried deep inside Jensen, Jared took his time learning his husband’s body — not only the tattoos but also his scars. There was a thin jagged line running to his elbow from his shoulder; cut open on an ice floe when he dove after Chris’s sister. There was a broad scar below his knee, where he’d fallen out of a tree when he was a little boy. There was an almost triangular patch of scar tissue where he’d fallen on a rock during a mountain sheep hunt. Jared traced and kissed them all, rocking his hips slow and deep until they both came. After, they hunted down some leftovers, ate in bed, dozed off for a while. 

  
  


Jensen woke Jared with his mouth on his dick.

 

Jared gasped and buried his hand in Jensen’s soft hair.

 

Like a possessive brand, Jensen’s hand curled around Jared’s hip, then glided over the swell of his ass. “Can I?” Jensen asked hoarsely.

 

Jared rolled on his back and pulled Jensen between the vee of his legs. “Yes, please.”

 

Jensen was careful, so very careful and thorough, Jared started begging and didn’t stop until Jensen finally pushed inside him, his face open in wonder and pleasure.

 

Reverently, Jared reached up and pulled Jensen’s head down to kiss the wonder off his lips. Jensen responded hungrily, licking into Jared’s mouth and sucking on his bottom lip. Then he slowly started to move. 

 

After, when they lay fully sated side by side, Jensen began his own exploration of the scars on Jared’s body, eager to learn whatever he could see of Jared’s history. So Jared told him the stories behind his scars. The numerous ones he’d gotten from falling off his horse, the one time he’d tumbled out of the hayloft, or the little pinprick scars he’d gotten from his trip into the cactus fields.

 

Jensen kissed them just as reverently as Jared had his tattoos.

 

“They’re just scars,” Jared muttered, almost embarrassed by Jensen’s attention.

 

“They tell a part of the story of your life,” Jensen said. “They’re a part of you.”

 

“It’s not the same,” Jared argued. “It’s not like it says anything about me.”

 

Jensen traced the web of scar tissue on the inside of Jared's wrist, a few smooth lines overlaid with knottier silvery skin. “You fell off your horse and got hurt. But you didn’t let that stop you. You weren’t afraid, you went back to riding before you were fully healed, and even though you were hurt again,” Jensen said softly, “you persevered.” Jensen smiled. “It’s maybe not as descriptive as my tattoos, but it still shows who you are.”

 

“How do you know about my riding accidents?” Jared asked curiously. He’d never told Jensen in detail about his first attempts to break in Jova.

 

Jensen shrugged. “These are classic horse fall injuries. And I know you, and I learned a little something about your horses. You got hurt, and you got up again. And today, you have an amazing horse.” Jensen’s smile was full of sincere adoration. “I know you, Jared.”

 

“And I know you,” Jared replied. It was as good as an I love you, he figured. With the way Jensen kissed him, soft and intimate, he seemed to agree.

 

Then Jensen climbed out of bed and disappeared to their sitting room. He returned with the fruit bowl.

 

“Excellent idea,” Jared said and leaned up against the pillows.

 

Jensen climbed back into bed and pushed the bowl into Jared’s lap, then laid down against his shoulder.

 

“Will you peel me a tangerine?”

 

Jared reached for the fruit. “Always.”

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	6. Part Five

 

  
  


 

Jared had almost given up on someone bringing Jensen’s horse from Alenda when one evening, Matt announced a party from Alenda was just about to arrive. Jared was sitting on the sofa, reading a saga about the early days of Alenda that Jensen had lent to him, and Jensen was writing letters on a small foldable desk across his legs with his feet in Jared’s lap.

 

“What?” Jensen almost toppled his inkpot over, but Jared managed to catch it just before it spilled its black contents everywhere.

 

“Finally,” Jared muttered, and got up.

 

Jensen threw him a suspicious look. “Finally?”

 

Jared gave him a hesitant smile. “Surprise? Though I have no idea who it is.”

 

They hurried down to the courtyard. Four people were dismounting their horses, one of them Lady Danneel, immediately recognizable by her long, auburn colored hair.

 

Jensen looked completely stunned; Jared just smiled.

 

“Did you know?” Jensen asked incredulously.

 

Jared just gave him a crooked grin and raised a shoulder. “I didn’t know who’d come but I was hoping it’d be Danneel.”

 

Jensen rolled his eyes but his expression was fond. But he was already leaving; greeting Danneel was apparently more important than berating Jared.

 

Someone shoved Jared painfully in the shoulder. He turned to find Chad glaring at him.

 

“Dude, you could have told me at least. I’m not even dressed right and I stink of horse!”

 

Chad was wearing worn, thick pants, riding boots and a sweat-soaked, sleeveless shirt. He was flushed and his hair was sticking up on one side. He’d obviously just come from the training ring. Jared knew Chad hated looking anything less than perfectly styled, but Jared also knew — on a purely objective level — that his friend looked good like this.

 

“In my defense, I didn’t know when she was coming; when I sent the messenger about Jensen's horse, she only wrote that she’d try coming sometime in winter but she might also have to send someone else.”

 

Chad grumbled and started towards the door to the castle. Jared gripped him by the collar. “Where do you think you’re going?”

 

“To change.”

 

Jared didn’t let go of him, instead dragging him along towards the exit leading to the courtyard. “Oh no, you aren’t. You’re going to greet Lady Danneel exactly like this. From everything Jensen told me, she’s a very physical outdoorsy person so maybe she’ll like the dirt and the sweat.”

 

Chad’s face scrunched up in thought for a moment, then turned into an expression of surprised acceptance, eyebrows raised and lips pursed.

 

When they reached the courtyard, Danneel was just dismounting her horse. Jensen walked towards her and they gripped each other by the wrists and Jensen leaned down to rest his forehead against Danneel’s. They remained like that for a moment, then Jensen let go of her arms and pulled her into a fierce hug.

 

Danneel was obviously surprised, her hands motionless, half raised in the air, before she wrapped them around Jensen’s body hesitantly.

 

Jared hung back to give them space. His parents were arriving now too, and he could see Mistress Kim with them, her gaze slightly worried at the unannounced Alendan guests.

 

Jensen and Danneel finally separated and Jared walked over to them, just in time for Danneel’s travel companions to approach Jensen. A woman and a man, both young and dressed in practical travel clothes, bowed to Jensen. They were guards or servants, the crest of Danneel’s family, a ferocious cat jumping towards a half-moon crescent, on their jackets.

 

The third person was a different matter. They were clothed in a long, gray flowy cloak with its hood drawn deep over their face. Pale hands reached out to draw the hood back and revealed a shock of brown unkempt hair, a handsome face with startling, almost luminous blue eyes.

 

“Misha!” Jensen’s eyes widened.

 

Misha smiled serenely and stepped towards Jensen and embraced him. Jensen was completely surprised before he carefully hugged Misha back.

 

“I thought Alendans weren’t touchy feely?” Chad whisper-asked next to Jared. “Who’s this Misha guy?”

 

“A conjurer, I think. Jensen mentioned him once.”

 

When Misha let go of Jensen he was smiling happily. “You are filled with sun, Prince Jensen. Scayen has been good to you.”

 

Jensen inclined his head. “It has.”

 

Misha nodded pensively. “Yes, the connection is growing nicely, taking root. The spirits are pleased.”

 

Jensen tried to hide his bewilderment but Jared knew his husband well enough by now to see it.

 

“Not that I’m not thrilled to see you,” Jensen said carefully, “but what brings you to Scayen?”

 

“Danneel’s knife,” Misha stated matter-of-factly. “Now, it is very warm here and we traveled a long time. Is there a place I could rest, maybe take a cold bath?”

 

Mistress Kim took that as her cue and went to welcome the newcomers to Cor Calidor.

 

Misha introduced himself but instead of giving a title, he simply bowed and said, “I am Misha. I would like a cold bath.”

 

“Misha is one of the most esteemed conjurers in Alenda,” Jensen explained to Kim’s questioning face.

 

Immediately, Kim’s expression changed. With an understanding look she explained to Misha that they would provide everything he needed and waved a servant over to show him to the guest suites. It was a well known fact that mages tended to be eccentric people; conjurers from Alenda were apparently no different.

 

 

 

 

In the meantime, Jared’s parents had greeted Danneel and Jared walked over to finally do so as well. Jensen was still smiling, standing close to Danneel while Jared’s mother fussed. She made a point of telling Danneel how happy she was for the visit but if she’d only known she was coming she’d have been able to throw her a welcome dinner, wouldn’t that have been nice?

 

Resolutely, Danneel waved her off. “Your Majesty, I haven’t come for fanfare but to see Jensen.” She turned to Jared. “And his husband, of course.”

 

Jared smiled at her. “Welcome, again, to Cor Calidor. Forgive me, but I thought you would bring the horse.”

 

“The horse?” Jensen asked.

 

The horses Danneel and her companions had arrived on were regular travel horses and looked nothing like the pictures Jared had seen of the large northern shire horses.

 

Danneel inclined her head. “I considered it, but I suspect that Chevy would hate the heat. And when Jensen told me that you’d gifted him a wonderful horse, I thought it unnecessary.”

 

“Wait, you were supposed to bring Chevy?” Jensen asked, eyes darting between Danneel and Jared.

 

“Jared sent a messenger,” Danneel explained. “But you’re happy with Artrax, right?”

 

Jensen nodded, looking slightly dumbfounded, then turned to Jared.

 

Jared just shrugged. “I just wanted you to have a piece of home.”

 

Jensen’s expression softened, then he turned back to Danneel. “If you didn’t bring the horse, why are you here then? With Misha?”

 

She gave him an exasperated look. “You already know the answer to that. I’m not getting my tattoo without you. Since you don’t have any plans to come home anytime soon, I knew I had to come here.”

 

“But, can we even get the tattoos here? Don’t we have to be in Alenda?” Jensen asked disbelievingly.

 

“Misha says he can do it. And if Misha says he can do it…”

 

Jensen let out a shaky laugh. “Then he can do it. Or he’ll bring a giant storm down on us that tears up the earth.”

 

Danneel grinned brightly. “Well, this place could use some rain.”

 

Jared watched their exchange and it filled him with joy to see Jensen so happy and relaxed. And if Jensen could get his tattoos here, he wouldn’t have to lose his connection to his home after all.

 

Next to Jared, Chad was completely still, eyes fixed on Danneel like she was the answer to all of life’s questions.

 

Jared cleared his throat. “Well, Danneel, you picked an excellent time for your visit. We’re celebrating the solstice tomorrow. And Jensen told me that you’re an excellent rider and great knife thrower.”

 

Danneel straightened up. “Jensen’s exaggerating.”

 

“I’m not.”

 

Danneel cut an annoyed look at Jensen, then turned back to Jared. “Why do you ask?”

 

“Well, we didn’t have much time to show you during your last visit, but we actually have a large area for training horseback riders. Chad’s one of the best riders in Cor Calidor. I’m sure he could show you around later, if you wish,” Jared explained. Then he motioned to Chad. “He was training a group pf pages as you arrived.”

 

Chad flailed a little bit. “I don’t train — it’s not that I’m responsible or anything, I just like to work out on horseback and — sometimes the younger pages show up to watch,” he finished somewhat lamely.

 

Jared clapped Chad on the shoulder. “He’s too modest, really. Everyone at Cor Calidor knows Chad's the one to ask if you want to learn a new trick on a horse.”

 

“True,” Jensen jumped in. “He showed me a great technique to pick something up from the ground at full gallop."

 

“That's true, I did,” Chad agreed, aiming for his usual casual flirtiness but he fell short. Jared had never thought he’d see the day but Chad was actually too nervous to flirt well.

 

Danneel looked at Chad. If Jared hadn’t become so good at reading the smallest hint of facial expressions since he married Jensen, he would have missed it, but now he caught the short glimpse of appreciation in Danneel’s eyes, saw how they flitted down to Chad’s chest and how the corner of her mouth almost twisted into an appreciative smirk.

 

“I see. Well, maybe I’ll have some time to see what you can do,” Danneel said loftily.

 

Chad’s mouth fell open. Jared kicked him in the shin and Chad snapped his jaw shut. “Sure. Yeah. That’d be great.”

 

Before Chad could further embarrass himself, Mistress Kim stepped in. “We’re honored to have you visit again so soon,” she said. “If you want to rest or change, we have prepared the guest rooms next to Prince Jensen’s suite.”

 

Danneel gave her a grateful nod. “Thank you.”

 

She followed another one of Mistress Kim’s servants, Jensen walking along with her. He turned to give Jared a brief, slightly apologetic smile but Jared waved him off. Jensen needed time to catch up with his friend.

 

“She hates me,” Chad said morosely.

 

Jared grinned. “No, she doesn’t.”

 

Chad squinted suspiciously at him. “Since when are you the flirting expert?”

 

“I’m not. But I know Alendans, and trust me, Danneel doesn’t hate you. She might not take her clothes off for you yet, but if you do this right, she might kiss you.”

 

A dreamy expression crossed Chad’s face and Jared laughed. “Oh goddess, you’re so screwed.”

 

Chad just nodded.

 

For the rest of the day, Jensen and Danneel were inseparable and Jared left them to it. They had a lot of catching up to do.

 

That night, Jared went to bed alone for the first time since Jensen had moved into their bedroom. But he didn’t mind because from the room next door — Jensen’s sitting room that he barely used — Jared could hear Jensen and Danneel’s muffled voices and the occasional burst of laughter. Jared fell asleep knowing that Jensen was happy and when he woke up in the morning, Jensen was there, sleeping deeply, curled up against Jared’s shoulder.

 

 

 

The day of the solstice festival was cold but sunny. They spent the entire day outside with the people of Cor Calidor, eating and drinking. When darkness fell, they lit the fires and Jared gave a short speech about the meeting and learning of new cultures and how they’d decided to greet the new turn of the sun with the traditional Alendan fire jump, in honor of his Alendan husband. Jensen beamed at him; Danneel and Chris nodded approvingly.

 

Jared and Jensen took the first jump and it didn’t take any time at all until all the Scayen people were jumping the fires.

 

After they’d shared a bottle of wine, Chad bravely asked Danneel if she would jump the fire with him. Danneel’s face gave nothing away but she took his hand and led him to the giant fire.

 

Jensen leaned against Jared’s shoulder. “I see it happening, but I have a hard time believing it.”

 

“I know. So do I.”

 

Jensen’s head turned sharply. “You don’t like Danneel?”

 

“I don’t know her well,” Jared corrected. “But Chad, him I know, and he never gets like this.”

 

“Well, he’s never met a woman like Danneel,” Jensen said, pride in his voice.

 

Jared put his arm around Jensen’s shoulder and drew him close against his body. Together, they watched Danneel and Chad jump the fire again and again until the flames began to dwindle.  


When the night drew to a close, Jensen and Danneel followed Misha out into the night to receive their tattoos. Jared waited, Chad falling asleep and snoring into his shoulder. Chris had also disappeared, but it wasn’t time for his new tattoo yet, and since Alona was nowhere to be seen Jared was pretty sure where Chris had gone off to. He searched the field for his other friends; Osric and Traci were drinking and laughing with a few other knights, and Felicia and Adrianne were sitting under a large tree, talking quietly.

 

Adrianne had arrived two days ago and, to the displeasure of her parents, hadn’t left Felicia’s side. Jared had talked his mom into including her mother, the Lady Palicki, into a few of the events so that Adrianne could spend some time with Felicia. Watching them now, Jared had no doubt that Adrianne would marry Felicia, no matter what her parents said. The look on Adrianne’s face was the same Jared knew was on his own face when he looked at Jensen. He knew Felicia was still doubtful if Adrianne would ever ask for her hand, but Jared had a feeling she would.

 

It didn't take long for Felicia and Adrianne to disappear as well, and Jared shifted to a more comfortable position without disturbing Chad. When Jensen came back he was quiet — tired — but peaceful. Jared steered him to their bed and Jensen fell asleep the moment his head hit the pillow. Jared curled up around him and resigned himself to ask after the new tattoos the next day.

 

  
  


 

Jared woke to Jensen trailing soft kisses along the back of his neck.

 

“This is a good morning.”

 

Jensen hummed in agreement.

 

“So, you’re happy with the tattoos?” Jared asked carefully.

 

Jensen let out a muffled laugh, his lips still pressed against Jared’s shoulder. “Yeah, I’m happy. And yes, you can see them.”

 

“That’s not what I meant!” Jared struggled to turn around, to look at Jensen, show him he was serious, but Jensen met him halfway and shut him up with a kiss.

 

“I know. I was just teasing.”

 

Jared grumbled but didn’t stop kissing Jensen. When they drew apart, his pulse was beating fast, and Jensen’s cheeks had flushed. Usually, Jared knew exactly where this would go and he’d be all for it, but Jensen’s new tattoos were a big deal.

 

“So can I see?”

 

Jensen nodded and pulled his shirt off without hesitation.

 

Jared sucked in a sharp breath. “Holy goddess.” Slowly he reached towards Jensen’s chest. His previously unmarked left pec was covered by the tattoo of a sun. A thin ring, framed by wavy rays, and in the middle, the silhouette of a horse on its hind legs. Jared traced its familiar shape — it was the heraldic animal of the Padalecki family. It wasn’t much of a leap to assume that the sun probably symbolized Scayen.

 

“I guess your spirits have accepted that you’re part of my family now.”

 

Jensen looked down at him with a frown. “Really? I think the spirits saw that I carry you in my heart.”

 

Jared blinked. Jensen raised his eyebrows. Jared cleared his throat, tried to speak around the lump in there. “Yeah. That makes sense too.”

 

Jensen nodded as if he could just say stuff like that and not make Jared’s heart swell and his breath catch.

 

“Wanna see the rest?”

 

“There's more?” Jared asked.

 

Jensen shrugged but he was smiling. “I had an eventful year.” He pointed down towards his stomach, where the vine-tree had grown.

 

Thin vines with sharp thorns were framing the lower half of Jensen’s belly button, a rose blossom half in bloom beside it, and on his hip, a curled grapevine was making its way up to his lowest rib. Two plants, both native to Scayen. Jared leaned forwards to kiss them. Jensen buried his hands in Jared’s hair, held fast.

 

Jared spent an appropriate amount of time on Jensen’s new tattoos, then he trailed lower; Jensen made a satisfied noise and lifted his hips towards Jared. Jared was only too happy to oblige.

 

After, when they were lying sweaty and happy in bed, Jared with his head on Jensen’s chest and Jensen’s left hand slowly stroking Jared’s side, Jared caught sight of another dark mark on the inside of Jensen’s wrist.

 

“What’s that?”

 

Jensen laughed. “It seems Alendan spirits approve of Scayen magic cats.” He turned his wrist towards Jared, revealing a tiny paw print.

 

“That damn cat is gonna be so smug,” Jared muttered.

 

As if she’d heard and understood their conversation, Mokaly came in through the window, meowed imperiously and jumped on their bed. Jensen petted her immediately, and Jared complained but he didn’t really mind the little furball. Not when she fell asleep on Jensen’s chest, right next to Jared, and her soft vibrations lulled Jared into a pleasant doze.

 

In the afternoon, Jensen left their bed to meet up with Danneel.

 

“You wanna come?”

 

Jared waved him off. “No, you go. Have fun with Danneel.”

 

Jensen nodded. “First, I’ve got to find Chris.”

 

“Alona’s rooms are in the west wing, second floor,” Jared said with a grin. “I’m pretty sure he left with her last night.”

 

“About time,” Jensen muttered, then leaned down to give Jared a light kiss — just a casual ‘goodbye, see you later’ kind of kiss that still made Jared want to fistpump with joy — and left.

 

Jared was considering staying in bed when Mokaly crawled out from under the bed, one of her favorite spots, and meowed at Jared in a way that he could now read as ‘play with me!’

 

So he went looking for one of her strings she loved to ‘hunt’. When she jabbed her little paws at the string, Jared had to think of Jensen’s new tattoos and how Jared had found his place there. For the rest of their lives, Jared would be able to see himself inked into Jensen’s skin by magic, their relationship blessed by the spirits. He knew that Jensen had struggled with his flower tattoo, but Jared knew he loved the other ones. How amazing it must be to have all that he loved, all that mattered, displayed on his skin. Jared got up, leaving an indignant Mokaly behind. He had to find Misha.

 

Jared caught Misha in Felicia’s rooms where the two of them were debating the advantages of magical animals. It was ravens versus cats, and since Misha was currently petting Sorry, Jared thought cats might be winning.

 

The mage and the conjurer looked up when he entered. Felicia turned to Misha and gave him a triumphant look. “Just ask Jared — cats are clearly the greatest pets.”

 

Jared thought how Mokaly had jumped on top of him yesterday morning to yowl at them for not feeding her already because they had dared to sleep in.

 

“If you would just let the servants feed her,” Jared had mumbled and cracked one eye open to catch Jensen glaring at him.

 

“Mokaly is my pet so I take care of her,” he’d said haughtily and left Jared alone in their bed.

 

Jared made a face. “It kinda depends on the cat.”

 

Felicia rolled her eyes. “What do you want anyway?”

 

“I actually wanted to talk to Misha.”

 

Felicia gave him an incredulous look. “Cheating on me with another mage? Really?”

 

“Gives you more time with Adrianne,” Jared said innocently. When Felicia didn’t look appeased, he added, “It’s about the tattoos.”

 

At that, Felicia’s eyes lit up. “Oh, I’d love to hear this.”

 

Misha nodded, so Jared sat down with them.

 

“Could you give me a tattoo as well?” Jared asked.

 

Misha raised his eyebrows. “A life tattoo?”

 

Jared nodded. He wasn’t sure if he was ready for that, having his whole life mapped on his skin, but he wanted to know if it was possible.

 

Misha looked pensive. “Sometimes our people travel, are gone for years. Not often, because we’re a people who put down roots deep and tight, but sometimes it happens. When they eventually come to get their tattoo grown it’s very painful. It was more painful for Danneel and Jensen this time, and they only missed it by a few months. But they started out as children.” Misha fixed Jared with an almost hypnotizing look.

 

“You see, when an Alendan child is one year old, they get their first mark. There’s some room if you miss the birthday, of course, but the older the child is, the harder it is to establish that connection to our land. In the past, conjurers tried to initiate adults. It didn’t work out so well.”

 

“What happened?” Jared asked curiously.

 

“They died.”

 

“Oh.”

 

MIsha nodded sympathetically. “Yeah.”

 

Jared thought about it, what those tattoos meant to Jensen. “Could you give me a different tattoo then?”

 

Misha tilted his head, looking at Jared like a curious bird. “What is it you want, Prince Jared?”

 

“I want a tattoo that symbolizes Jensen and our marriage.”

 

“Such a sap,” Felicia mumbled. Jared poked her in the side and she blew him a raspberry.

 

Misha just smiled serenely. “I can do that.”

 

Jared smiled with relief. “Great. I wasn’t sure what it should look like, but maybe—”

 

Misha raised his staff, pointing it at Jared. “You don’t get to decide. The magic does it for you.”

 

Jared worriedly looked at Misha’s staff. “How does that even work?”

 

“Shhh.” Misha closed his eyes and started circling his staff before Jared, trailing white-blue glittering sparks behind it. “Just think of Jensen. Close your eyes.”

 

“We’re doing this now?” Jared asked. He’d thought he’d have time to think about this, what he wanted, and Misha was just going to mark him right now?

 

“Yes,” Misha said calmy. “Now close your eyes.”

 

Jared obeyed. If he couldn’t get to decide the motif, there was no point to delay. Jensen was a part of his life and he wanted him on his skin.

 

“Now think of Jensen,” Misha ordered. “What he means to you. Feel the love you have for him.”

 

A tingling sensation started spreading over Jared’s entire body, then concentrated right above his heart. The tingles heated up until they were unbearably hot, setting Jared’s skin on fire. He clenched his teeth and his hands against the pain, felt sweat pearling on his face, felt his muscles shake with the strain.

 

“Think of Jensen!” Misha’s voice came from far away, soft and floaty, and it took Jared everything he had not to hit Misha upside the head and instead focus on Jensen’s face, his laugh, the way the corners of his eyes crinkled just for Jared.  

 

Just when Jared thought he’d combust into flames, everything stopped. Panting, he sat on his chair, eyes wide open, looking at Misha who was smiling calmly.

 

Felicia was looking at him with shining eyes. “That was amazing. You’re magic is so different, so cold, how do you—”

 

“Wait, did it work?” Jared interrupted her, still panting slightly.

 

Misha nodded. “You should go see for yourself.”

 

“Thank you!” And Jared turned around and hurried back to his rooms, leaving Felicia and Misha to discuss spiritual magic.

 

Jensen was out with Danneel still, so Jared could inspect Misha’s work alone. He quickly shrugged out of his boots — his feet were unmarked — then shed his pants and took off his shirt.

 

He stared at himself in the full length mirror, at the dark lines that had appeared on his body. Holy goddess. There was a tree on the left side of his body. A complete tree, roots to crown. The roots began on the outside of his hip and two gnarled trunks intertwined into one twisted, winding column. The tree grew up his ribcage until its crown stretched out over his chest. The leaves were small and almost sparse. Jared’s breath caught. He knew this kind of tree, this exact tree.

 

At the base of the tree trunk, on the outside of his hip, curling inwards across his pelvic bone was a flower. The blossoms’ purple petals were sharp and star shaped, not unlike Jensen's white flower blossoms. Jared guessed it was probably an Alendan flower; that it would grow at the base of a Scayen tree, this tree, of all things, made him almost giddy with joy. He wanted to show the tattoo to the world, proof that the spirits blessed their relationship, that he and Jensen would last, that their love would grow and last forever

 

Jared was still standing in front of the mirror, unable to look away from the tree and the flowers when the doors to their room opened.

 

“Jared?” Jensen called out.

 

“In here!” Jared hollered back.

 

“I’ve been looking for you.” Jensen was coming closer, hurrying through their living room, his steps getting louder as he approached their bedroom. “I need to talk to you because Dani—” Jensen broke off when he saw Jared. “What are you doing?”

 

Jared kept standing with his back to Jensen. “Well, I talked to Misha.”

 

In the mirror, Jensen’s head appeared as he came closer and Jared could see Jensen’s eyes widen in alarm.

 

“What?” Jared asked.

 

“Well, Misha is…” Jensen hesitated, obviously searching for the right words. “Misha is great, obviously, and he’s gifted. No one calls on the spirits like he does and the tattoos he conjures, they have a certain detail about them that other conjurers don’t manage. But Misha is also a little… eccentric.”

 

Jared laughed. “Yeah, I noticed. But if he’s so good with the tattoos, then I’m glad I went to the master.”

 

“Yeah, if you can get Misha to conure your markings, you should.” Jensen nodded, then stopped. “Wait, what?”

 

Jared turned around. Jensen stared.

 

“The longer I thought about your tattoos, the more I realized I wanted one too.”

 

“A tattoo,” Jensen’s voice was rough, his eyes fixed on Jared’s new markings.

 

“Yeah.” Jared hesitated. Jensen was obviously reacting quite strongly to this but Jared wasn’t sure if it was good or bad. “It’s not a life tattoo, not what you guys have, but Misha said he could still give me a spirit tattoo.”

 

“A spirit tattoo,” Jensen repeated, still staring.

 

Jared swallowed, suddenly unsure. He’d thought Jensen would like it but Jensen’s face was still etched with disbelief.

 

“I just — I thought, the way you carry our relationship on your skin, all your relationships really, with Dani and Chris and even the damned cat, I wanted that too. I love you, Jensen, and I want that to be a part of me, inside and out.” Jared balled his hands to fists so he wouldn’t fidget under Jensen’s stare. “I love you, and I wanted to have that on my skin. In the Alendan way, you know. In your way.”

 

Jensen’s head snapped up and he stared at Jared wildly. “What kind of tattoo is this?”

 

“I asked Misha if he could give me a tattoo that would symbolize our relationship,” Jared explained. “I thought I’d tell him what I wanted but he said the spirits would choose for me. So I just closed my eyes, thought of you, and this is what happened.”

 

Slowly, carefully, Jensen reached out and, in a mirror of what Jared had done the first night Jensen had undressed, Jensen touched Jared’s tattooed skin. It tingled where Jensen’s fingertips first made contact, where they fluttered across Jared’s skin. Warmth spread through the whole tattoo.

 

“Holy goddess,” Jared whispered. “It tingles.”

 

Jensen nodded. “Yeah, they do that sometimes. They’re not only pictures, you know. They’re the connection to the spirits.”

 

“That’s really amazing.”

 

Jensen’s mouth quirked up in a smile. “So you asked for a tattoo of our love,” he said quietly. “And your spirits gave you a tree I’ve never seen and a purple stone break.”

 

“Is that what it’s called?” Jared said. “I’ve never seen that flower before, but I had a feeling it might be an Alendan one.”

 

“It’s one of the few plants that grow up high in the mountains. It blooms where only the edelweiss blooms, and it can grow on every surface, the roots even breaking through rocks. It doesn’t generally grow in warm climates but if it blooms once, it’s almost everlasting.”

 

Jared smiled at Jensen. “That makes sense.”

 

He thought he could see a faint blush rising high on Jensen’s cheeks. “So, what’s this tree then?” Jensen asked, obviously changing the topic.

 

“It’s a white cedar. It grows on the shores of the lakes in Mons Arbor,” Jared said. He’d rested in the shade of these trees often and he knew the stories about them. “They are some of the oldest, most enduring trees. Every count of Mons Arbor has planted one, and the very first, from almost four hundred years ago, back when the Padaleckis were nothing more than poor farmers, is still standing. It’s said that nothing can destroy these trees, not drought or pests, not even lightning. They’re forever trees” Jared smiled at Jensen. “Did you know that the first Padalecki queen came from Mons Arbor?”

 

Jensen nodded. “Yes, I read that in your history.”

 

“When she left to marry the king, she planted a tree, even though it was the prerogative of the counts.” This was one of Jared’s favorite stories of his ancestors and it felt more relevant than ever. “She planted it on an outcrop overlooking the lake and everyone said it would never grow; just like her marriage, it was destined for failure.”

 

“The Padaleckis and the Murrays were caught up in an old family feud,” Jensen said. “I remember. But the marriage brought peace.”

 

“Against all odds,” Jared said brightly and took Jensen’s hands, intertwining their fingers. “They loved each other and their love healed the strife between the two families. And the tree, well it’s a little gnarly, and a little twisted, and it’s actually two trunks winding around each other, but it’s still there.”

 

Jensen pushed up against Jared, pressed a hard kiss to his mouth.

 

“We’ll have to go there sometime,” Jared said against Jensen’s mouth. “I’ll have to show you how I carved our initials into the bark after I met you.”

 

Jensen stared at him. “You desecrated a sacred tree because you had a crush?”

 

“I made a wish upon a symbol of love against all odds because I was in love. Alright, had a crush,” Jared amended when Jensen still looked incredulous. “But in retrospect, totally justified.”

 

Jensen laughed, loud and beautiful and then kissed Jared again. It was a warm kiss, slow and intense, full of the feelings the magic had inked into their skin.

 

“We should definitely go to Mons Arbor then, pay our respects,” Jensen said after what felt like an eternity.

 

“We should,” Jared said, but he was distracted by Jensen’s hands still tracing the tree.

 

“We don’t have to be anywhere in the next hour, right?” Jensen asked, already directing Jared towards their bed.

 

“We definitely don’t,” Jared said and let himself fall back into the pillows, pulling Jensen on top of him.

 

Jensen followed him down but instead of kissing Jared he hovered over his stomach, then traced the outline of Jared’s tattoo with his tongue. It sent little, not unpleasant bolts through Jared’s body.

 

“Is this what it feels like for you?” he asked breathlessly.

 

“Well,” Jensen said slowly, voice teasing. “I’m not sure exactly what it feels like for you but when you touch my tattoos, I feel it. It’s like hot steam seeping through my body.”

 

“That sounds terrible.”

 

Jensen laughed. “No, it’s pretty awesome. You don’t have hot baths here, but in Alenda we do and there’s nothing better against the cold.”

 

“Okay then,” Jared agreed, but Jensen was busy opening his pants and Jared would have agreed to pretty much anything right now, especially when Jensen moved lower, trailing his mouth over skin that was decidedly untattooed, but Jared wasn’t about to complain. He didn’t complain when Jensen took him in his mouth until Jared was trembling with desire and he certainly didn’t complain when Jensen slowly opened him up and fucked him until they both came and lay in a tangled and sweaty heap on the bed.

 

“If you want,” Jensen said with his scratchy rough voice that he always got after sex, “we could go have a steam bath together.”

 

Jared turned his head to look at Jensen. “Sure. But—”

 

“Dani brought me a letter from my parents,” Jensen said quietly. “That’s what I wanted to talk to you about, but then I saw this.”

 

Jared stilled, waited for Jensen to go on.

 

“It’s not an apology, exactly. But apparently they thought I’d lose the Alendan part of me anyway when I moved away so it would be better to make a clean cut. But Misha said as long as I want the connection, as long as I treasure this part of me, it won’t matter where I am.” Jensen grinned wryly. “When Misha talks, even my parents listen.”

 

Jared sat up. “Jensen, that’s amazing! You can go back home, and you won’t lose that part of yourself.”

 

Jensen nodded, a small smile dancing on his lips. “I know.”

 

“You know?” Jared asked incredulously. “How are you not running around celebrating?”

 

Jensen raised one eyebrow.

 

“Okay, fine,” Jared amended because he couldn't imagine Jensen running around in joy either, “but still. Is this not the best thing that could happen?”

 

“It is,” Jensen said. And now that Jared was over his own initial excitement he could see that Jensen radiated a kind of calm happiness Jared hadn’t seen before. “I am thrilled. Going back, getting to see snow again, real snow not the little powder dust you get here, smelling winter air and going out on the frozen lakes, it will be amazing.”

 

“It sounds like it,” Jared said and he meant it, even though he already knew he’d miss the warmth. He intensely disliked the few cold days in Scayen’s winter; he didn’t even want to imagine what it would be like to live in that kind of climate for months, but for Jensen, he'd do it. He just wondered for how long. Jared’s parents had initially wanted to propose a half-year agreement which was fair, of course.

 

“Would you want to go back for longer?”

 

“Not to live there,” Jensen said. “I miss it, but Scayen has become a home too. You have become a home.”

 

Jensen said it so matter-of-factly, as if it didn’t mean the world to Jared.

 

“You know I’ll come with you, right?”

 

“You’ll be miserable in Alenda.”

 

“I’m sure it won’t be that bad. And you were miserable here,” Jared added.

 

“I was. But things change. I got different clothes, I got Mokaly and Artrax and you…. well, we got better.”

 

“Still,” Jared said stubbornly. “I will come with you. I want to be with you, wherever we are.”

 

“I’d love that,” Jensen said slowly. “When we go to visit. I don’t want to move back, but to go home again, see the snow, smell the snow…”

 

“Smell the snow? Snow is just water.”

 

“Yes but it fills the air with this cool, clear scent.” Jensen’s face was lit with joy. “You’ll see.”

 

“Alright. I will. When shall we go?”

 

“We could go next year, after the spring thaw. Spend the summer in Alenda and leave before the winter storms.”

 

“Sounds great.”

 

Jensen looked at him. “It’s just that easy for you, isn’t it?”

 

Jared shrugged. “New things are exciting. And you’ll tell me if I do something stupid so I think I’ll be fine.”

 

A bright smile spread across Jensen’s lips. “People won’t know what to do with you. And they’ll love you.”

 

Jared grinned and Jensen reached out and touched a finger to his cheek, right on his dimple. “They won’t know what’s going on, but they’ll love you.”

 

Jared turned his head and kissed Jensen’s fingers. “Good.”

 

They lay in silence for a while. Jared thought about it, about Jensen getting a chance to repair the strained relationship with his parents and Jared getting to see that side of Jensen’s life, figuring out the last pieces of the puzzle that made his husband.

 

“I’m really happy for you, Jen.”

 

Jensen gave him a soft smile, then he shifted to lie against Jared’s side, tracing the dark lines of Jared’s new tattoo.

 

“I’ll show you everything. You’ll get to meet my dogs and see our horses and the waterfalls and the mountain sheep. And I’ll show you what a moose looks like.”

 

“Yes, please,” Jared was extremely curious about these creatures. “And we’ll go to the rivers for ice skating?”

 

Jensen’s brow furrowed. “There aren’t many places where you can ice skate in summer, we’d have to go high into the mountains for that or travel to the Blue Caves.”

 

“We can do whatever you want,” Jared said.

 

“I’ll show you all the pretty spots,” Jensen promised. “And I’ll keep you warm in the cold.”

 

“You better,” Jared muttered.

 

Jensen laughed, that free, unguarded sound Jared loved so much and then they lay in silence, holding each other, tracing their new tattoos. But Jared couldn’t stop thinking about the trip, what they’d do, what he’d get to see. Chris would go with them of course, so maybe...

 

“I should take Alona. As my escort, you know.”

 

Jensen nodded, his expression very serious. “Oh, yes, of course. The journey to Alenda is very dangerous. Chris alone won’t be able to protect us.”

 

Jared grinned.

 

“And of course we need to take Mokaly.”

 

Jared pulled his head back. “What?”

 

“I won’t leave her alone the whole summer,” Jensen said decisively.

 

“But, cats don’t travel,” Jared said. “They’re not like dogs.”

 

“Well, she’s a magic cat. She’ll love it.”

 

And Jared had a feeling Jensen was right. Fine then, they’d take the damned cat.

 

“If you take the cat, I take Chad.” Jared grinned, then hesitated. “I mean, I should really take Chad,” he said eventually, because it didn’t feel right to go on this journey without his best friend and also because Danneel would be there.

 

Jensen’s expression turned pensive; he knew exactly why Jared was asking but eventually, he nodded. “You should.”

 

“Seriously?” Jared asked. “I mean, he and Danneel, that’s, I mean…” Jared desperately tried to find a way to phrase it diplomatically. “They’re very different, you know.”

 

Jensen gave him a crooked smile. “Sometimes, different is good.” He leaned in to kiss Jared. “Sometimes, different is exactly what you need, even if you don’t know it yet.”

 

“Speak for yourself.” Jared returned Jensen’s kiss. “I knew from the first moment I saw you.”

 

“Thanks for never giving up on us,” Jensen said quietly.

 

Jared ran his fingers over the sun-framed horse on Jensen’s chest. “I knew it would be worth it.”

  
  
  
  
  


 

  
  
  
  
  
  



	7. Epilogue

 

 

  
  
  


“No.”

 

“Jared, come on.”

 

Jared shook his head and burrowed deeper into the furs. “No way. I’ll die.”

 

Jensen rolled his eyes. “Don’t be such a baby. As long as you put on your coat, you won’t die.”

 

Jared glared. “You don’t know that. I am a desert dweller. A child of sunshine. A sand runner. A sun worshipper. A—”

 

Jensen shut him up by leaning down to kiss him. His lips were cold; he’d already been outside. 

 

“Just a little while longer,” Jared murmured against Jensen’s mouth and slid one hand into Jensen’s short hair, the other opening his shirt. 

 

“You can’t stall forever,” Jensen said, but he let Jared pull him down onto the makeshift bed.

 

Jared grinned victoriously and lifted the blanket to draw Jensen against his body. “Who said this wasn’t my plan along?”

 

“Devious,” Jensen said, but he started pulling his clothes off.

 

 

It was almost an hour later when they finally emerged from the tent, Jared wrapped up in a thick coat, the hood drawn deep over his face. Fascinated, he watched his breath puff out in white clouds while he tried to ignore his nose already turning to ice.

 

“We’re going to get you a beanie,” Jensen said decisively, as if he’d just finished a long argument with a grand conclusion.

 

“What’s a beanie?” Jared asked.

 

“It’s a kind of finely knitted hat,” Jensen said. “For babies.” He laughed at Jared’s indignant face. “Don’t worry, the style is going to suit you.”

 

Jared grumbled all the way to his horse. Jova had stayed at home; she probably wouldn’t have liked the snow and the ice. But Jensen’s parents had sent a horse for Jared and he’d marveled at the black stallion, standing almost as high as Jared at the withers. He was even a few inches taller than Jensen’s impressive mare.

 

“Finally a horse to fit your size,” Chad had commented dryly.

 

Now, Jared pulled himself up in the saddle and followed Jensen, who was leading the way from their campsite.

 

Chris and Alona, who were both taking their bodyguarding roles seriously, were bringing up the rear while Chad was trying to teach his horse new tricks. The Alendan shire horses weren’t as agile or willing to learn as Scayen desert horses but Chad didn’t give up. Jared thought he was just trying to distract himself because he was about to see Danneel again, and when she’d left Scayen, things between them had been just on the cusp of developing, but Jared was a good friend so he wouldn't mention that until Chad did.

 

In just a few more hours, they’d pass through the Astri, and Jared would get his first glimpse of Alenda. Jensen had described his country, again and again, but it hadn’t prepared Jared for the sight that opened up in front of him when they finally rode out of the mountains. 

 

It was early spring, not the best time to travel, but they’d been lucky so far. The big thaw hadn’t hit Alenda yet.

 

The entire landscape before Jared’s eyes — rolling hills, groves of tall, dark needled firs, winding rivers and, off to the east, a glimpse of the ocean — was covered in glinting patches of white. The sun was dancing brightly over everything its light touched. A large animal with huge antlers was grazing down below. It had to be one of the moose Jensen loved to compare him to. 

 

Jared was so spellbound he hadn’t noticed Jensen riding up to his side until Jensen gripped his gloved hand.

 

“You like it?” he asked quietly.

 

Jared looked over to him. “It’s amazing.”

 

Jensen smiled, eyes crinkling at the corners. “Then I guess that means you really won’t mind spending the summer here?”

 

There was only a brief window of time one could safely travel over the Astri mountains, so they’d decided to make their journey in the spring and return to Scayen before the winter storms hit.

 

“Well, I already told you, I’d go anywhere with you, but yeah, if you promise to keep me warm, I think I’m gonna love it here.”

 

Jensen gave him his brightest smile, the one that made the corners of his eyes crinkle. “Beanie,” he said again decidedly. “Warm head, warm body.”

 

That didn’t make any sense to Jared at all but he’d learned to trust Jensen. So he just smiled back and nodded. 

 

“And don’t worry, in summer, it’ll get so warm, you won’t even need a jacket during the day,” Jensen added playfully.

 

Jared pointed at him. “Then you’re keeping me warm at night.”

 

Jensen grinned and licked his lip. “Will do.” Then he turned forward, to the valley stretching out before them, the silhouette of Stormhold, the royal castle to the east. “Now come on. If we hurry we can make it to Stormhold before nightfall. And my parents are expecting us with a big dinner.”

 

Jared looked at Jensen, searching his face for unease but there was only determination there. “We could take a day longer,” he still said. “You can totally blame it on me.”

 

Jensen shook his head. “No. There’s no need to delay. They’re my parents, despite everything. They did what they thought was right, I can’t fault them for that. Besides,” Jensen added casually, “it got me you. I’ll never regret that.”

 

Jensen didn’t make grand declarations of love a lot, so Jared always felt slightly pole-axed when he did. But before he could reply, there was a commotion from Chad and his horse. The poor animal finally seemed to have had enough of Chad and his training antics and had bucked once. Chad stayed in the saddle but he started cussing out the horse in the most colorful language. The horse was entirely unaffected by that — it was probably just happy Chad had stopped trying to teach it how to walk sideways.

 

Jared turned back to Jensen but the moment was gone, so he cleared his throat. “So, an Alendan banquet. Anything I need to know?”

 

“Don’t talk while the bard is playing, don’t kiss me in public — my mother would have a heart attack — do not tell anyone about any falling-off-a-horse events in your life, or falling into cacti, or falling off anything, basically, and try to keep your clothes on.”

 

Jared nodded along; when Jensen reached the last one, he threw him an indignant look.

 

Jensen smiled. “And don’t worry about the food; the cook apparently wanted to prepare a meal in your honor, so Richard sent them a raven with the recipe for puff pastries.”

 

Jared had to bite his lip. “With spinach?”

 

Jensen raised an eyebrow. “What do you think?”

 

Jared grinned. “I think it sounds perfect.”

 

And it was. 

  
  
  


 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you, dancing_adrift, for the last line. It really was <3

**Author's Note:**

> If you have not done it yet, go to my wonderful artist’s
> 
>  
> 
> [masterpost](http://dancing-adrift.dreamwidth.org/15584.html)
> 
>  
> 
> and tell her how great all the art is. Seriously. She deserves all your love!
> 
> I know that this fic turned out very Jared-centric. I did write a few snippets from Jensen‘s POV, mainly to get a feel for him, if there’s interest I could maybe work on them a bit and post whatever I manage.
> 
> You can come find me on tumblr [here](http://ashtray-thief.tumblr.com/).


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